Black Riding Hood | Teen Ink

Black Riding Hood

December 24, 2014
By Anonymous

----Flashback
I rode through, in form of a werewolf, big strong and black, through the old, about to be history village. As I ran you could see my piercing red eyes reflecting burning houses, screaming parents and children, and my human guards stabbing people in the hearts. I really didn’t care for anyone dying, not even one bit. I stopped at a big mansion like house. Without any thought I burst through the wooden door, snarling and growl loud daunting growls.

 

Mr. Harold or King Harold stood in his red golden striped cloak, with his black leather boots on. I hated him, really I had no reason---well yes I did. Mrs. Annora deserved to be the queen, she is the queen. I paced towards Harold yapping as fierce and as loud as I could. He is going to die, I thought.

 

“Please I beg”, poor Harold pleaded. “Don’t kill me, Annora can be queen. But please, please don’t kill me.” He sobbed relentlessly.

 

“You know Harold you don’t deserve to live.” I said. He drops on his knees pleading. I must do what I must. I ran straight to him, and bit a deep wound into his chest.
---End of flashback.

 

I sit dreamingly in my bedroom chair, the sunlight beams brighten  the walls, which are marble and the floor is wood. My elbow on the armrest and my hand curled under my chin, staring down at the floor. Knock, knock! I hear the banging on the door, and then it opens.

 

“Sorry, sir”. The maid says shaky, and afraid of me.” But Queen Annora needs you”, the maid continues. I sniff.

 

“I’ll be down.” I say still staring at the floor. The door shuts. I sit there for a couple of minutes, and then sigh. Dog-tired I get up and head out the door. Queen Annora now lives in the castle; she’s a pretty young lady. I too am handsome and dangerous at the same time, with being a werewolf and all. I can’t control myself at all, I killed five guards today, and my time out was to sit in my room. I am the only one of my kind, Annora raised me when I was just a pup, and she was just a little girl.
 

----flashback
“You are such a beautiful puppy”, she said snuggling me up with herself. “I’ll call you……. Rider.” That was my name; my name also gives people the creeps, Rider the Werewolf. Her dad didn’t like the idea of keeping me, he’s the one reason my kind is extinct.

“But daddy, I’ll teach him to be good”, she insisted. The king sat grumpy on his thrown, like he was about to fall out his chair any second.

“No!” He yelled, his voice deep and gruff. “No daughter of mine will ever have a breast so hideous in my palace.” Then he turned his head away from his daughters, disgusted of what fool she was to bring  such creature in the kingdom. But Annora was a brave girl, and very good and clever. She hid me in her room, and stole her bedroom keys to lock her door. She fed me, cared for me, and loved me. She gave me baths too, I hated them. As I grew she grew too, I was a good pup, handsome loving and funny. She taught me how to transform into a human and how to turn back to wolf. But as I got older I grew bigger and bigger, I couldn’t stay in her room, I grew too big almost as tall as a carriage. She shifted me to the horse’s stalls, (the second bad idea she had). My senses told me to eat the horses. Twelve horses died that same night. The king was furious.

 

“Kill whatever is devouring my horses!” He commanded every guard. Two weeks pasted without capturing me. I was safe, until a mouse appeared in my stall. I tried to release the temptation, no use. I was chasing it like a dog after a cat, that’s the way things go here. By accident I ran into the kitchen, screams of horror and madness broke out. Ropes and nets then seized me and the mouse escaped I was terrified. I yapped and growled as loud as I could, nothing seemed to be working. About twenty to twenty five guards had to drag me across the cold and wooden floor to the kings thrown.

“Here it is sir”, the guard said the king, whose sitting on the thrown.

“Very good Sargent”, king said happily. He got out of his sit and walked towards me. I was still under the net. He peered down at me, and an evil grin spread across his face, I looked away. “Well done.”

“Wait!” I turned to the voice, it was Annora. “Papa don’t.” Red streaks of tears dripped down her cheeks, she didn’t cry normal tear like normal kids, instead she cried bloodlike tears. “He’s mine.” The king’s eyes grew wide, so as the guards. She ran towards and wrapped her arms around my head, I liked her cheek.

“Stop it Rider”, I giggled. I stopped; loud gasps of awes entered the room.

“He listens to your every command” The king gasped in awe, Annora nodded. “Well.” The king sighed. “I still don’t want him in my kingdom.” He turned his face away for me and Annora.

“Then I’m going too. Wherever he goes. I go.” And that was it.  She was my home, and my only friend.
----End of flashback

My black boots make a cla cla sound each time I would step. Turn to the right to walk down the stairs, I hate the stairs, werewolves die walking down these.

 

“Oh, there you are, sweetheart”, she came into view with her arms out stretched to hug me. Her long tight red dress flows behind her. Her beautiful smile, black lipstick and brown hair that is tied into a ponytail. I hug her tightly, her rich rose perfume. She still looks like when she was a little girl.

 

“Please sit” she points to another gold thrown next to hers, I obey. She had it make specially for me, so we can rule together.

 

“What is it this time?” I ask as she is getting comfortable in her chair.

 

“A villager”, she looks at me with a confused expression. “It’s like always, Rider.” The large rectangular doors open straight across from us, an old plump man in tattered clothes walks in.

 

“Queen, please spare me some food”, he drops on his knees in front of Annora, I stand up and draw out my sword.

 

“Rider, he’s just begging, sit?” I never like the idea off people getting close to her; I just think they want to murder her. But I sit. It’s a habit doing every command she tells me.

 

“So. You want food.” Annora asks. I eye the plump man.

 

“Yes your majesty”, he replies. His head is lowered to the ground. I watch Annora observe him too.

 

“Guards!” She finally gives, the old man moves back. “Give him food.”

“Thank you, your majesty”, he shows his gratitude, by moving towards her with his head to the ground, I flinch and jab my sword in front of his head. He looks up at me, Annora looks at me.

 

“He moved”, he says.

 

“Very well”, Annora agrees. A guard marches in with two raw potatoes, one lettuce and a few carrots on a wooden platter. The plump man gets up off the floor and receives the food, and then thanks Annora again. Once the doors close and the man is out of sight Annora looks at me.

 

“You’re overprotective”, she says.

 

“He moved”, he insisted.

 

“Yes, but he wasn’t going to do anything”, she says. “What did you think he would do? Kill me?” She laughs a short one, and then pats my back.

 

“Rider, sometimes it’s okay”, she looks me in the eyes.

 

“Hey, I know what you need. A game of fetch. You loved it when you were a pup.” I agree. A run to fetch my ball, and transform into a werewolf.
In the palaces back yard she throws her ball as far as she can. I fetch, running faster than a cheetah. We had a race—well it was a bet, Annora voted for me and Dr. Eliot voted for the stupid cheetah, I obviously won.
Plup! The ball lands in the pond. I halt, not wanting to go after it.

 

“What’s a matter Rider?” Annora asks walking towards me. I whine. “Oh, the ball went in the water. Sorry Rider, we’ll get another.” She brushes my fur with her hand and smiles at me. “Time for dinner.” She says. The yellow bright sun sinks behind a mountain and the night is taking over. 

I lie down, gnawing at my bone the cook gave me on a gold platter next to Annora as she too eats. The meat of the bone I’ve already chewed off, I’m just sharpening my teeth. A guard then steps gingerly over me, careful not to touch me; I get angry when someone touches me when i'm eating. It happened once when i bit a guards leg. He can't walk now, i bit through his lg bone.

 

“Queen Annora”, the guard says. 

 

“Yes Niles”, Annora says taking a bite of potatoes. Then looking at the guard.

 

“There’s a battle that has”, he sniffs, I stop chewing. “Has been declared by the village in Mount Arans.” Annora strokes the front of her neck with her long finger nails, and then looks at me and I look at her.

 

“We’ll be there.” She says the guard step back over me and starts to walk away. “Oh, Niles.” He turns back to us. “ It’ll be just Rider and me going to Arans. Okay? It mite get a little messy.” I continue gnawing on my bone. The guard nods and leaves the room.


 



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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 7 comments.


on Dec. 27 2014 at 11:53 pm
Chrissiana1320 BRONZE, Hypoluxo, Florida
3 articles 0 photos 48 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It isn't what you can do with your strength, but how you chose to use."


















-By me, I think.

Thanks. I'll add those in. Thanks again!

on Dec. 27 2014 at 11:52 pm
Chrissiana1320 BRONZE, Hypoluxo, Florida
3 articles 0 photos 48 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It isn't what you can do with your strength, but how you chose to use."


















-By me, I think.

Thanks! I really didn't realize that until now. Thanks

on Dec. 27 2014 at 10:45 pm
ProfessionalJaywalker GOLD, Rockville, Maryland
12 articles 0 photos 20 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Do your own bit of saving, and if you drown, at least die knowing you were headed for shore." -Ray Bradbury (Fahrenheit 451)

Overall, I liked it--I want to learn more about the story. I wished I saw a little more development of Rider and Annora. I don't feel like I really know either character. I suggest really thinking of how they feel while you're writing--the same way you might get into character when acting. And there's much to learn about Annora--maybe she's secretly afraid of Rider? Maybe she has some complicated back story about why she cares about animals? She seems like an important character but I don't really know that much about her. And I have two small complaints: I think it would be great if there was some other way to distinguish when there was a flashback and when there wasn't? Perhaps you could italicize the flashbacks, or actually describe Rider thinking about the past, and then returning to thinking about the present? And, the punctuation goes inside the quotes. ie, "I'll teach him to be good," That's a very small thing, and you did it that way some of the time, but it bothered me... Despite my criticism, it really is a good story and I'd like to read more!

on Dec. 27 2014 at 5:06 pm
reidaboutme SILVER, Alden, Kansas
9 articles 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
"To be nobody- but- yourself in a world which is doing it's best, night and day, to make you everybody else, means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting."-ee cummings

This is pretty good as a start! I would suggest more conflict of character within Rider, which can set up a second plot of him struggling with his animal instincts. Give more detail to the setting too, what time period is this, what kingdom is it? Another way you can give more detail is by using senses, especially since him being a werewolf he has heightened ones. For example, "The cold air make my skin prickle as we walked into the courtyard."

on Dec. 27 2014 at 12:39 am
Sharkbait SILVER, Grant Park, Illinois
8 articles 1 photo 40 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Despite everything, I believe that people are really good at heart."
-Anne Frank

I don't really know what I was referring to. I just reread the the entire piece and couldn't find what I was talking about with the 'don't show but tell'. I might have just been more tired than I thought I was. Now, though, I can see that your showing instead of telling is actually really, really good. I'm so sorry about that mistake on my part.

on Dec. 26 2014 at 10:38 am
Chrissiana1320 BRONZE, Hypoluxo, Florida
3 articles 0 photos 48 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It isn't what you can do with your strength, but how you chose to use."


















-By me, I think.

Thank you! And i was planning on continuing it. I have a question though, what things do you want me to show and not tell?

on Dec. 25 2014 at 10:39 pm
Sharkbait SILVER, Grant Park, Illinois
8 articles 1 photo 40 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Despite everything, I believe that people are really good at heart."
-Anne Frank

This is a pretty good story as far as potential goes. I do have a couple of things to say. Make sure you check your grammar and spelling, it's a little distracting sometimes. You could also use a bit more detail, I don't know if you've heard about 'don't show but tell', but that could be a good thing, too. Overall, with a little improvement, maybe even an extension (the story ends just when it's getting to the good part) this could be a really good story. Keep writing!