Martha: Welcome to the quadrennial meeting of the Leap Year Club! We’re so thrilled to see you all here. As you all know, the big day is coming up in a couple weeks, so today, we’re here to discuss this big event with people who understand what we go through. The first thing on the agenda is complaints about non-leap yearers. Does anyone want to start us off?
Daniel: Yes, I most certainly have a complaint. Does it vex anyone else when you’re asked if you celebrate on the 28th or the 1st?
Murmured assent
Daniel: Like really? Neither, all right! My birthday is on the 29th! I’m not going to celebrate my birthday on the same day Justin Bieber was born. I’m above that uneducated rat.
Jennifer: Oh, I totally agree. It can get so out of hand. People never know when they should say happy birthday, so I get some on the 28th and some on the 1st. The worst is when people say it on both days. Honestly, I’d rather they didn’t say it at all.
Bobby: Oh and the Facebook posts?  I get them both days and they’re all something like “I know it isn’t your actual birthday, winky face, but…”
Jennifer: Ugh the winky face! A cruel way to say, “My birthday is better than yours”
Andrew: How about when people to empathize with you? They’ll say something like “oh if my birthday was on a leap year, I’d do this and this.” Well guess what? It’s not, so just stop.
Fredricka: I actually like when people do that. (Uncomfortable silence)
Martha: Okay… well let’s transition into our next topic: what is everyone doing for the big day?
Jennifer: Well, I have always upheld the motto that you do not celebrate on any year that is not a leap year.
Daniel: Agreed. As a leap yearer, it is your duty to throw the most obstreperous function of the next four years. Personally, I have a wine tasting party where we sample 29 different wines while chrysostomaticly discussing fine literature and theatre.
Bobby: Cheyeahh! That’s what I’m talking about! My tradition is to take 29 shots and wind up in the hospital. Not the most fun time the day after, but it’s worth it.
Jennifer: Well… that’s a little more extreme than what I go for, but I do like the 29 theme. What I do is take 29 friends out for a night on the town. Let’s just say it gets a little crazy.
Andrew: Very nice. I’m more of a traditionalist, actually, so what I do is hold a party for 29 nights straight. Each night we’ve got a different theme. It’s a little like Hanukah, I guess.
Martha: Do you keep your job through this?
Andrew: No.
Fredricka: Well that all just sounds wild. But I personally like to keep it a little more relaxed on the big day and spend the night in with my 29 cats. (awkward silence)
They’re all named with a leap year theme in mind. There’s Febby, as in February, Leapy, as in leap year, four, because it’s an every four year thing, Nine, because I’m turning nine this year—
Daniel: Okay, I’m going to cut you off right there. That’s really…. Quite unorthodox. Why don’t you give each of your cats a glass of fine chardonnay or something to make the evening more compelling? That would certainly be a zenith of the night.
Fredricka: Absolutely not! Are you crazy, Damian?
Daniel: No, that would be stupendous!
Bobby: Yeah! Honestly, I would even let you bring your cats to my party if you did that, but they wouldn’t be drinking chardonnay, if you know what I mean…
Fredricka: I would never bring my cats to your party! That would be dangerous! They might die!
Bobby: Psssshhh no. They’d have fun. Actually, why don’t you all come to my party? We could make it leap yearers exclusive.
Jennifer: That would actually be so fun. You know that website for all the people who have leap year birthdays? We could get some people from there to come, because there’s not really that many of us in this club.
Bobby: Yeah, I would do that. I assume you all know the time and place?
Martha: Well obviously it starts at 2:29 in the afternoon on the 29th, but the place I don’t know.
Bobby: 29 Leap Road.
Jennifer: Are you kidding me, Bobby? I tried to get that address back in 2009, but someone beat me to it. That was you?
Bobby: Oh yeah. The house itself was a wreck, but just having the address made it so worth it.
Jennifer: Goddamn it.
Bobby: Alright, this is gonna be sick dudes. [to Fredricaka] So Fredricaka, you’re bringing those cats?
Fredricka: No! I am not bringing my cats! Or myself!
Daniel: How unfortunate.
Martha: Well, other than that minor blip, I think we can call this meeting successful! See you on the 29th everyone, and then in four years! Hands in on 29!
Everyone except Fredricka puts hands in middle and counts off to 29.
During this, Fredricka: I’ve just got a call from Febby! I’ve got to go! [runs out]