These hallways close in on me when the sound of the bell rings. Conversations fill the hollow sound of the crowded passages. Smiles and conversations are exchanged between friends. In my situation, I walk alone along a lonely path, it’s really the only one I’ve been familiar with. I’ve had a lifetime experience of unnoticed. I’m always attempting to make myself stand out from everyone else, to make a difference. I believe that everyone has been given a task to do something to benefit this harsh new world. I’ve participated in certain clubs to help our small community of Hull. I guess I just have one of those faces that’s easy to forget. Every day to me is the same. Nothing good happens, sometimes I have bad luck, but for the most part, I’ve gone through my whole high school career unnoticed.
Our high school for the most part, isn’t the most pleasant place I could name. Sure the town is beautiful, with the ocean crashing upon jaggered rocks and the moon lit skies making almost every night a starry one. I’ve been frequently bullied since elementary school. With the stress of midyears coming around, and college applications, people haven’t had the time or sanity to say anything to me. When the room falls silent, all I hear are people whispering about me.
About a year ago, my mother died. Although she was an alcoholic, she was constantly there for me. On the days that I came home from school angry, upset, or depressed, she was always on the couch, watching “Friends”, with an open mind as well as open arms. The most painful sight for me was seeing the last part of my mother that I could ever hold on to, be scattered throughout the Pacific Ocean. She always wanted to live in California; it was always sunny and bright, without worries or complaints. She loved my father, just not the new one. Years ago, up until when I was five, he was completely sober. He also wasn’t a drug addict. My father hasn’t been there for me my whole life. He’s always been either working, since our family has always been in desperate need of financial support, or has been doing something related to drugs. He became even worse when my mother died. His bedroom walls contain all of his secrets. He’s been out wandering the streets constantly looking for the only thing he cares about, which are not me, but his drugs. Three months ago, police sirens roared at my house. My father got caught for dealing and growing marijuana in my basement and now resides in a jail cell. I now live with my Aunt Sharon. She’s been juggling financial problems ever since my uncle divorced her last year. He was the greediest person that I’ve ever met. He left her for another woman because her father is the president of a very large company. Since their twins are eight now, I’m sure they understand a little bit of how their mother is feeling. My aunts a wreck, and now I’m just a new problem to add to their family. My aunt treats me like I’m her personal maid-babysitter kind of person. She could really care less about my personal life. Besides my mom, the only other person who has stood by me through the rough periods of my life was my best and only friend I’ve ever had; Andrew. We had been friends since we were about nine years old. He could always decipher my emotions. Although he didn’t need to be exposed to the cruel truth of my world, he would always be there for me. He had the perfect life, the perfect family, the perfect parents. I was always jealous, but never said a word. He was always there to comfort me whenever possible. He always listened to whatever I had to say, and tried to help me to the furthest extent that he could possibly reach. A year after my mom died, he was drafted into war. I had not lost my best friend because we wrote letters back and forth. I could never imagine losing him: until the day that I did. My best friend Andrew died on November 5th, 2003. I think about him every day. I think about what it would be like if he was here, by my side. I wonder if he thinks about me wherever he is. Of all the things in my life that I want to forget, I will never want to forget him. I never will. He was more than a best friend to me, he was a hero. I was so grateful to have him as my friend. Now I realize that every day that he isn’t celebrating a birthday, or Christmas, or a holiday, that killer is. I bet he hasn’t even gained any feelings of remorse. I would do anything to bring my best friend back beside me.
Mitch tormented me the most out of everyone in my class. At school he’d always embarrass me about Katie, who I liked, which was unfortunately his girlfriend. I knew he cheated on her, but of course I couldn’t tell her. I could never hurt her, or make her upset. I remember one time when I tried to tell her, it was after her cheering practice. I pulled her aside, and started everything off with, “Katie, I need to tell you something about Mitch.” The second I gulped to prepare to tell her, I got tapped on the shoulder. Before I could even see who it was, Mitch punched me straight in the face. Two of his friends were happy to join in and beat the s*** out of me. I thought Katie was the love of my life. I always saw that twinkle in her eye, ever since the second grade. She always looked so beautiful, even when she didn’t try to. I’ve always attempted talking to her, but it never worked out too great. I was always available for her to talk to me, considering I had only one friend. She always embarrassed me with endless rejection.
Now that Andrew wasn’t there for me anymore, I decided to take a walk past his house. I wished that some part of him would guide me somewhere. His parents were not home. The car was gone, the lights were off. No one was there for me. My mother and Andrew loved the ocean. I remember when we were little, my family and his went to the beach during the summer. Everybody was so happy. I walked towards my high school, feeling as if it would remind me of Andrew in some way. Instead, I sat on the dock across from the school. I thought about how happy the ocean had once made me. What am I to lose? I have no friends, no family, no guidance.
That was when I jumped into the ocean knowing no one would save me. That night I drowned in the only place that made me happy. People say god works in mysterious ways. I believe so too. I guess it wasn’t my time to leave this earth because I never got to see Andrew in my afterlife. What I do see, is my father. He’s out of rehab, he’s also proposing to his new girlfriend next week. He’s reconnected with my aunt. They both talk about how much they regret not being there for me. I see her crying. She’s not only crying about me, but about losing her house, and moving into her mother’s. She’s doing alright with the twins, their getting very mature. Katie finally found out that Mitch has been cheating on her since high school, with her sister. She’s a frequent visitor to my grave, she regrets giving me a chance. She knew I would have treated her the way she deserved despite the embarrassing remarks she said to me. Mitch is now single, living with his mother. He hasn’t fulfilled his dream of being a professional hockey player, because when I committed suicide, he needed to go to therapy. All of these people got what they deserved for not being there. Karma really does get back to the people who deserve it.
This is what happens when I roam the streets being even more invisible as I once was. I see everyone who should have cared, who should have been there. I feel like I was put on this earth to teach people a lesson. If I never committed suicide that night by jumping into the ocean, they would have never learned their lesson. This is why it is so important to appreciate and care for people while you have them, because you never know when they’re going to leave you emotionally, or physically.