For most people, the stench of untreated sewage water mixed with pollutants and diesel fuel is not a very pleasant or relaxing smell.  But I, however, find it quite comforting.  It’s one of the many odd things about my culture that I have learned to love.  During my lifetime, I’ve visited the Philippines a total of 4 times.  Each and every time I’ve gone there, I always felt out of my comfort zone.  My mom is from the Philippines and my dad is American so I am not always exposed to my culture at home.  When I visit family in the Philippines, I feel out of place because I look white, I can’t speak their language, I don’t eat the types of food they eat.  Don’t get me wrong, I love seeing my family and learning more about my culture, but in doing so, I realize how I am so different.

At home, I am in a Filipino dance troupe and I get teased a lot for being half.  It’s hard for people like me who don’t fit into one category and feel like they don’t belong anywhere.  It’s especially hard to expose my culture at school around my friends.  Whenever somebody asks me about my culture I try to sound proud but I always ended up feeling like a loser.  I thought everyone saw me as weird and different.  Whenever I performed dances with my dance troupe, I got stage fright every time.  I realized it was because I was embarrassed.  Our dances weren’t like American dancing, our costumes were different and people would look at me like I was from another planet.  We were once asked to perform at my school and I was mortified.  I had never exposed this much of my culture to my school and I felt like everyone was staring at me like one of those bad dreams where you realize you’re not wearing underwear.  But I made it through the performance, we got a loud applause and my friends supported me and told me it was really good.

I’ve been told that I shouldn’t care about what people think of me. And although I’ll always care about what people think of me to some extent, I am no longer ashamed of my culture.  I’ve had racist jokes and comments made to me by people I thought were my friends.  They always said they were joking but it still hurt.  Now that I’m older and have made new friends, I have had the courage to rid myself of those negative people and I have ignored comments people made about me. My life hasn't changed after performing in front of my school and nobody has said anything judgmental about me or my culture. I have also had the support of my dance troupe and thanks to them I have learned to embrace being different and I couldn’t be more proud to call myself a Filipino.