It didn't seem like anyone cared anymore, life was a struggle. Nothing I did seemed right, and everything was boring now. No one could notice that I was struggling, I kept it to myself, my grades didn't drop, and I acted the same. I tried not to show my struggle. I didn't want to seem weak in front of people and get teased even more. I tried not to listen to everyone else. But since I constantly heard it, it all got into my head and stayed there.

At the start of the school year, it was just finding someone easy to pick on. Someone with a funny haircut, wore different clothes and was just being themselves. I turned out to be that person. I still had a buzz cut, my clothes never matched, and I was just being a kid. For reasons unbeknownst to me, some people didn't like that and I got bullied for it. I would think to myself during the day and after school, “Am I good enough for anyone or anything? Do my friends still care about me? Why are friends that I have had since first and second grade suddenly being mean to me?” These were thoughts I had never thought before and I struggled with them.

Football came and was gone before I knew it. Then came basketball season. Every single day I got told that I was not good at basketball, did not deserve to be on the team, and that instead of playing basketball I should go home and kill myself. At the start of the season I did not think much of it, it was just boys being boys. By the end of basketball season though, I started to wonder if I should commit suicide. Thankfully, basketball ended before I thought about it too much and decided to do it.

Baseball came next. My 7th grade baseball season was one of my most fun baseball seasons and hardest ones. I had a great and fun coach, and we won most of our games. Gamedays were the best but then I dreaded going back to practice. There would usually be some time during practice when I would have baseballs, tennis balls, or whiffle balls thrown at me. And afterward, I would get told how terrible I am. I would be left with both physical and mental injuries. Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me. Except words hurt when that's all I have heard for the past year. 

Everything started to overwhelm me by the end of baseball season and the end of the school year. I began to be sad all the time and my parents noticed. I opened up to them a little bit about what had been going on, but not much. They were worried about me and tried to help. Except they could not help since they did not know what it was like. It made me feel more alone since not even my parents could help me. 

I hit a walk-off double during one of our last baseball games, and I finished the baseball season strong. It made me realize that I was good enough. After that walk-off, I had more self-confidence than in the past year. I left baseball season still a little shaky mentally, but I felt more confident in myself. It didn't affect me whenever someone said I couldn't after that moment. 

One of the great things about our baseball program is Mental Minutes. They are short, inspirational stories, about someone or something. One of the Mental Minutes is the Treadmill Story. It talks about having an incredible work ethic. If we get on a treadmill and see who can stay on the longest, either you get off first or I die. After I heard that story I changed. I started to work harder and do my best to improve. Either I outwork everyone else or I work and work until I outwork them. That was my mindset.

That summer most of those thoughts went away. I had the mindset to outwork everyone now which helped me more than I knew. I realized that when I thought about suicide and if anyone cared, I was letting them win. I could not let people's words affect me. I started going to morning weightlifting that summer, trying to get better at sports, and I spent time with friends who cared about me. I grew a lot from my experiences that year, but I grew the most after my goal was to outwork everyone.