Okay, well you know everyone has those bad days and good days right? well, this is thee story, not the story but thee story of my life. Well, recently my mom passed away. I wouldn't be as upset if I knew the whole story. But ever since she died, I have not been 'me'. To be quite honest, I don't know who I am anymore. I am almost obsessed with her. So, let's get started with the tragic story of her. So, I was 6 or 7 (I am 13 now) and one day, she just left. I was young at the time so my parents told me she went to a hospital and I was like "Okay, she will be back soon." A few years went by and I didn't think much of her because she was gone for so long. Then I turned 10. I had a birthday party and I wished to 'meet' my mom again. (it has been so long since I saw her it didn't feel like I met her) I continued to question my parents about where she was. Then I turned 12, we began to get shorter on budget but I still had a party, not a big one but a nice one. Only the memories that made it. So, after a while...My dad told me information that shocked me forever. I got to see my mother again. I saw her for the very first time in years. However, we were only able to see her every two weeks for an hour. But hey, it is better than never. We had so much fun in those times. We went everywhere like the mall, restaurants, and even the park. I know, it isn't much but it felt like the world because I was able to see her again. Then, I was going to see her on August 24th, 2014 (My birthday). She was going to see me become a teenager but about a week before. On August 15th, 2014, I think it was a Saturday, we got home from our Aunt's who we went to visit for the weekend and it was 10 PM, we got a phone call. My Mother died. I was so upset. It was as if the whole world just turned into nothing. I realized that all those memories, just gone. Worst part was, my parents lied to me about my own mother. (Well my dad, and his girlfriend who I hate, Karen) Here is what I knew at first; One time when we saw her, we went to the Galleria Mall in New York, and she told me she was in jail. She was never in a hospital. After she died, two days ago on October 22nd (today is October 24th where I am, anyway) my parents told me the other part of the truth. They told me she was in jail which I knew, but I now knew why. It was because she was bad. She did many bad things. For example, she robbed a bank, she did drugs. I began to change when she died though. My grades started going down, and I keep crying and talking to myself. I am turning into her bad side. I am trying though, like no one else belives. I am in a void right now, one that is nearly impossible to get out of. I don't talk to many people.(because I am a very 'bottled-up' person) I hate talking about my feelings with anyone but there was one person I told everything. My mom. Now I apoligize if you cry, I am to right now. I thought to myself, I kept getting in trouble for lying, not doing my work. But so did they. I never lied to them for 5-6 years. But the did. Could you imagine the pain I felt. I started to be like a sarcadtic guy. I talked back to people. All because of one lie. I am telling you this now, because I don't talk to anyone but this kind of helps to be quite honest. I wanted to run away from home...forget about all my problems. But somehow, our school principle found out and I had to see a therapsist (School councelor). I cursed her out and said such vile, horrif things that I cried as I thought my parents saying them to me. "I wanted to run away". I told them. "Wanted"...was the key word but they weren't understanding. I couldn't...no matter how much I wanted to, because I felt so guilty. I am still crying now and I do almost everyday. But I have pictures of my mom everywhere. Like in my school locker, at home. I figured it would make me feel better and it does. I do my work...but now, I shut everyone else out. I talk to only a few of my friends. That is all...I no longer participate in class and every teacher gives me a hard time but I just continue to shut up. I hardly talk to my family...Then at lunch, I sit at my locker and get in trouble by teachers saying "I ditched...so get to lunch." I have learned to tune them out. I just keep sitting at my locker looking at the picture of when I was born. My mom smiled...It is like the only picture I have of her smiling...with me...laughing. I cry whenever I see it. But, if you are reading this. Let me tell you this. Don't do what I do. It may be to late for me..but it isn't for you. Talking about it does help you which is why I have my friends. But don't shut yourself down like I did. Because, I will be honest with you. I do cry...all the time but is it bad. No! It is okay to cry, it doesn't get better. The pain wont ever go away...but, it does get easier. If you ever need to talk to someone about a passed away relative, there is always someone to help you. I also play some games to help calm my nervers but I am more of an outsider person. Hikes help as well....but whatever it takes to take your mind off things, just do it. "Thank you for reading this" ~ Kevin, the author of this. Also, you can message me if you need help. I have my YouTube channel Xivioc HD. Just say how you found me and message me for help. The channel isn't sad. But like I said, I game for the world to seee in order to get my mind off things. Thank you all for helping me...Have a great day, year, life and feel better! =)