Break Down | Teen Ink

Break Down

December 18, 2014
By Shelby Smith, San Diego, California
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Shelby Smith, San Diego, California
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I lay on my bed in my dark room in my dark world. Crinkled papers with sketches of Lilies and tulips all around me. My hair, naturally brown, with ends the color of the rainbow and the stench of toxic sharpies all around me in one single environment. The only environment I was comfortable in. "Kinsley Ford" was written all over my wall in all types of fonts. Not saying I am in love with my name or anything, but it does add this odd feeling that I actually really enjoy in my room. Who knows, maybe I can become a person who draws names in fonts. It's not like I can do anything else in my life.
        My no good-lazy teachers are just another step of my non successful life. I mean, is it really that hard to teach chemistry. I don't go to school by choice obviously but school is really the horrible part of my day. My friends are 1. Glenda the lunch lady and 2. Halle the crazy smart girl who only talks to me when she needs to know my last name for the Chem lab. My school was the color of dirt and had windows that you couldn't even see if it was raining or sunny outside.
    I guess you can call my family poor, our ceiling is cracking and we have two and a half windows. Our water is cloudy with little specks of black rocks in them. Never knowing if I am going to die by drinking this water or having bagels with "only a little mold" as my father says is the scariest thing in the world. Since I have had this lifestyle from my fifteen years of living I have realized that as long as people care for you and know that you have feelings too then everything will be okay. My house has never been painted and we desperately needed a home makeover but if my father doesn't have enough money to sanitize the water how in the world could we possible fix the house. We can't.
My room was all black, sheets black, bed black everything black; besides my wall I call the flower wall. I came up with the name "the flower wall" because of my "flower fence". When I was just three years old my father and my mother were fighting constantly and would keep me up at night. One day she grabbed me and pulled me outside and sat me down beside her in front of our old picket fence and grabbed a yellow, blue and green paint bottles and just sat down and starting painting the outline of a simple flower. While my father was screaming at her to get back inside she just kept stroking the paint brush in such a way that it was mesmerizing to my little brain. It still puzzles me today how she could block out my father yelling at her and still have the smoothest strokes. This was the last memory I remember her in. "She is care free and only has herself to care for now." This is what my father says to me every time I try to bring up where she could possibly be. 
     Freshman year was a blast. Everyone was friends with everyone. No fights, no drama, no nothing. I was smiling all the time and I even tried out for soccer which I didn't make the team but at least I was putting myself out there. For some reason this year, everyone is separated. The popular kids and their friends are all at the big square tables but then my "friends" and everyone else that weren't in the popular crowd gotten ignored by all of their friends. It was practically suicide if you even glanced at them. Something was seriously wrong.
Later that year we all figured out that the popular kids and their friends were all rich and it would ruin their social status to be seen with people that were less fortunate than them. Oh my we were so pissed. Halle never talked to me ever again because her dad that was a famous scientist that discovered things with something called like atoms I think. Well now he was like a millionaire so that's mean her family was a millionaire.
    End of June and school was over. I was the happiest person ever. Getting away from this hell hole and finally being free. I get home to find my father on the floor with five empty bottles of whiskey next to him.
I instantly call the police but they never show up.
He finally wakes up with a huge headache as I walk him to his room to lie down for the day. He has never done this before so I am worried that something terrible has happened to him or he has been told terrible news. He rests for the day while I mix in new colors in little coffee cups to make intricate and unique colors to make my flowers with.
Painting was my release. My way of expressing what I was feeling and the way I wanted people to know how I felt. Not like anyone besides my dad has been in my room but if ever anyone was, they would know just exactly I was feeling that day. On my 10th birthday I got my first paint brush and paint can. My father bought it for me and it was the only thing I got on my birthday. It was the only thing I needed so I was perfectly fine. I promised myself that I would paint a flower on my bare wall every single day until I was tired of painting. No matter if the flowers were black, gray, and purple I would paint them every single day. My 11th birthday a "Basic Art for Minors" showed up on my porch. Till this day I never knew who put that on my porch. Whatever though; I fell in love with this book. Something about this book got me so inspired to draw even more than once a day. It showed me different techniques to use and what angles to create with my brush to make thick or thin lines. My obsession with these books are becoming so strong I have a jar called the "book jar" just so I can save enough money to buy another book.
My life is pretty simple. Sleep; wake up draw, read my art book and paint. This summer was my most outgoing summer yet. You could say I am pretty proud of myself. My life is so free. I get to do whatever I want even though I don't have the best supplies to complete my creativity with. For the first time ever I didn't feel like people were judging me because I was less fortunate than everyone else. Personally, I feel like people shouldn't be judged just by if they have a lot of money or no money. It doesn't make sense what goes through the human brain and comes out people's mouth. This free life all came to an end.

September 3rd I woke up with the cruelest expression on my face. My mouth felt like it was frowning even when I was sleeping. I woke up to crust in the lower corner of my eye. I guess I was also crying in my sleep. Waking up on the first day of school was complete torture. My hunger was nonexistent and I really couldn't deal with teachers yelling,
"Kinsley Ford, Are you present? Ms. Ford?"
Even finding my outfit was horrible, and I actually used to enjoy picking me outfit. I picked out, black jeans with a black orange and green flannel with three year old converse that I have to squeeze my foot into. I walked into school with my black back pack and my head towards the sidewalk. I only lived a couple of blocks from the school so it was easy to get to school and not need to worry about waking my father up so he could take me there. I was a very independent person so getting to things I needed to be at without other people's help was good for me.
     I get to first period and I sit down all the way in the back. If I have learned anything from being in High school it's to sit in the back. Sitting in the back will create a bubble which separates me from getting called on for stupid stuff I don't understand or the teachers not even knowing I exist. Not knowing anyone has benefits: 1. No one to bug me about what the homework is or if I want to even communicate with them to make an "educational" project. Or 2. Being alone and having to survive high school all by myself. Nothing new.
   I look at the clock and it seems like every 30 minutes only 1 minute goes by. Who cares about world history, like wow congratulations you can write your name on a document. Claps for you.  Finally after what seemed like a year was over it was time for lunch. Lunch felt different from last year, there was this faded yellow line that was separating tables from each other. In the cafeteria line there were two types of meals. The good quality ones and the rotten old meatloaf that looked like it had been sitting out for forty years. The smell was horrible, completely horrible. It almost smelled like my room but my room was more chemical toxic than "eat it and you will die" toxic. I got in the line for the good food and someone tapped on my shoulder.
"What do you think you're doing? You think you can get this type of food, I know what your family is like." Snapped the girl from my History class.
"Uh but it's just food" I quickly replied
"You're going to have to have the meatloaf, the daily special" she said as she smirked her small wrinkly mouth.
That meatloaf did not go down to well, I felt like something was bubbling up inside my stomach and there was no way of stopping it.
    I find this table and sit at it all alone. Which I preferred but seeing everyone talk and laugh with each other actually made me miserable. Why couldn't I be the popular cheerleader with the starting quarterback as my boyfriend? No of course that wouldn't be me, I paint stupid flowers in my room over and over again. In my head I knew this was an unreasonable thing to think because I loved painting I was just ranting to myself because I didn't have the perfect life that I wanted.
   School finally ends and I get to walk home. I get home to find the smell of rotten wood and what seems to be like mold on the side of all the doors. Lying on my bed was such a relief, sinking into my old comforter was the best feeling in the world. Closing my eyes and letting myself relax was going to be my new daily routine after school. I was completely not motivated to draw a flower, but when I would be motivated it was be the color of brown. Dark boring brown, because I had a dark and boring day.

Two months had gone by and I was still suffering in history class and chem. I walk into my class and walk towards my normal seat. Without knowing I sit down on someone, as they make a small shriek. Of course I would sit on someone. He gets up as a take a huge glance at him. His hair was bright blonde like the color of the sun and he has the coolest eyes. Brown with little swirls of grey and green in the middle. I have never seen such enchanting eyes before. As he stood up he was extremely tall, a little too tall to be exact. I was staring at him for a good fifty seconds before I realized that I probably looked like a child molester studying their next victim. There was a seat right behind him so I sat there. During the class a wind would blow in and his hair would bring off this newly showered drowned in Cologne hair. His blonde streaks shined went the sun hit it; I have never seen such beautiful hair. I don't know why but everything about him grasped my attention. After twenty minutes of the teacher blabbering about the presidents and how they "changed" America I realized no notes have been written down. I figured out that I was staring at him, staring at his back of his neck and all of his freckles he had. I actually might have counted some (shhh). He didn't even know I was looking at him, or at least I hope.
He didn't even know I existed before I almost sat on him. I have never even seen him before ever until this day. Was he a new kid? Was he just super stupid so now instead of the stupid classes he was in normal high school courses? There are so many possibilities, I will figure out why he is here. For the first time I was actually interested in getting to know people. Usually I just take a quick glance at a person and think         "Hey wow cool face" or "Cute shoes". The bad thing is, he doesn't even know my name and I don't know his either. Maybe we could be those people that can connect with each other just by looking at each other. Just kidding. Not possible.
The class ended and I finally got another view of his face. He has a chiseled chin with so many freckles on it. He only has a little scruff but that scruff was gorgeous.
"Here are the notes Ms.Greenwold" he said, his voice was totally not what I expected. It was deep but not too deep that it was scary. I closely listened as they had a conversation. The whole rest of the day I was just playing his voice over and over in my head. Who knew I could be so observant, not me. I barely even recognize my own dad’s voice, sad I know. Something about him stuck to me, whether it was his face, his face, his smell or just everything. His smell was one thing, oh it smelled amazing. Smelled like a rainy day with chocolate ice cream raining down in a very masculine way.
Lunch begins and I see him from about a mile away through the courtyard. He is sitting with the popular people of course. Why couldn't I be interested in a person that was like me, even though there wasn't anyone painting flowers in there room like me, they could still have the same interests as me. I didn't even know if I was interested in him, but I guess if their voice and face is stuck in your head then it has to mean something. I couldn't get it out of my mind. It was like it was virtually stuck inside my brain and it was begging to get out but something wouldn't let it. He probably only knows me as "the girl that almost squished me"; maybe he doesn't even remember me. Girls almost sitting on him were probably a normal everyday sequence. He was a popular boy that's what they get every day. Girls drooling all over them and over their face. I wouldn't know though because god forbid a guy actually talks to me or looks at me.

It is finally spring break, this is the time where families are roasting turkeys and smells of fall candles being lightened as autumn leaves fall to the ground. Where there is no worry and no stress on how much food will be left over or how much gravy to put on the potatoes. This is also the time where people are inviting their whole family to a feast. Instead of looking at this break from that point of view, I look at this as a week away from my miserable time I am having at school. This week off will allow me to relax and enjoy the little things like mixing new coloring to come up with a new unique color that has not even mean known or even named yet. I will take this time to focus on my strokes and the things I will need to add or improve in the wall. I was thinking about adding stems to the flowers in all different shapes and sizes and lengths and thicknesses. It is not as simple as it looks, I have thousands of flowers that will take me years to finally complete and add new things to. This stupid stem madness and controversy was not going to ruin my relaxation. I had so much time to complete as many flowers as I could possibly dream of but today was not the time.
    I decided to get some air and go for a walk out through the city. Stepping through my door I could feel the cold crisp air that was blowing through my body. I loved fall, the sound of leaves getting smashed on the ground and the way everyone felt happier than usual. As I was walking I walked past an old bar. This bar is very popular; I have seen many people walk out of it in good or bad condition. Bad as in too much to drink or possibly roughened up by some intoxicated men. This was also a dirty bar, door looks like it was about to fall out of its bolts in the door. It was painted bright red just like the owner wanted it to so it could stand out and people would know that it was a good and famous bar to be at. As I walked past the bar I could see police officers lining up in the back. The sounds of screaming and bad words were getting muttered out by both the people at the bar and the officers.
“Everyone out”
“Now”
“This place is getting shut down!” Screamed multiple officers, everyone in there looked scared out of their mind. The officers must have said very bad things or even threatened them. This bar was usually for the people that weren't very good and didn’t treat others or themselves well. I hid behind an old car so the police didn’t think I was watching or recording anything, which would obviously never happen. I never wanted to get involved in a situation like this. Seeing these officers getting so frustrated at other people made me very worried for them. After the whole place was cleared out from everyone about five cops were dragging the owner out by his hands. He was unconscious and was brutally beaten. People were crying and were whispering to their peers about what just happened. I was too far away to hear anything but just seeing the owner getting treated in such a cruel way was horrible. I wanted to say something but what could a fifteen year old girl do against seven cops? Nothing. After the Owner was put in the cop car and was driven away, another officer stood behind and locked the bar down and closed all the windows and everything. The last officer took a quick glance at me as I gasped and walked away as quick as I could not to look suspicious.
Police officers as aggressive as them haven't been in this town for a long time. There must have been something seriously wrong with that bar or those people.
Everything has been weird lately; everyone at school is being separated. People being judged every two seconds and just weird events happening. Many people pick on my community because we aren't wealthy like the other families and people but that doesn't mean you can just kick us out of places because we don't have anywhere else to go. There were so many thoughts surging throughout my body and brain and just the confusion and the anger gave me a stomach ache.
I got back home after my thirty minute walk to tell my father what I had just seen.
“It was crazy father, the officers we being so violent. Oh you should have seen what happened to the owner, it was so cruel and vile.”
“Well they all probably deserved it.” He muttered as he is lying on the dusty coach with three empty beers beside him.
“No, they probably didn’t something must have changed on the police’s perspective of us.”
“Do you not see what is happening to us Kinsley? Do you not know what they are trying to prove to everyone? We are going to have to just suck it up and realize that we are not better than anyone else in this state. Everyone says that all men are equal and should be treated fairly but that is not how it works! I am sick and tired of hearing you come home and blabber about everything that is wrong with this society because trust me, I already knew.”
The frustration was boiling up inside of me and I could feel my face turning red. My fingers were starting to shake because I was so sick of everyone thinking that they were better than us. Sick of feeling like those little failed science experiments that are just getting thrown out. I can’t even eat the same lunch as the other kids, why you ask? Because I am poor I guess.
    I had never been more enraged in my entire life, why can people that have money be able to get away with stuff but if someone sneezes and we don’t say “bless you” we get beaten? This all doesn’t make sense and it starting to tear me apart.
    I know people are scared and I know people are afraid of what will happen to us if we speak up for ourselves. I know I should have said something to the police officers that were carrying out the owner and kicking out people from a bar even though they did nothing wrong but to be completely honest I was scared. Scared out of my skin actually. Being scared in my opinion is the worst feeling you can ever have. You feel so helpless; it’s like you are the only person that can calm you down or help you in that situation.
    My father saying all those things were complete trash, why was he being so scared? He’s not the one that has to go to school with these cruel people in this world. I could possibly be over exaggerating about this whole situation but all this anger inside of me has to go somewhere, and that somewhere is right now.
    I stormed out of the living room and walked frustratingly towards my room, I couldn’t hear my father speak for another word or else I was going to flip out. I got to my room as I punched my bed as hard as I could and screamed in my pillow. In that process of hitting my bed, I knocked over a can of paint.
“I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE!” I shrieked
Everything was going wrong, the feeling of being judged and hated just because of our social status was past me, it was now the fact that I couldn’t do anything right. I try so hard to do everything I can to fix my life and fix everything we are but nothing is helping. Nothing is going to change the fact that we are just a poor family just like the rest of this side of Tennessee and the rest of the people that will be judged for outrageous things. Dealing with this kind of stress is not good for a growing girl in high school that already has enough stress as it is.
After trying very hard to clean up the paint it was useless, I wasted all my time thinking about how stupid and worthless I am rather than cleaning up the paint that was drying on the ground that would never be fixed. The colors on the ground actually looked pretty cool; they added some feeling and texture towards my cold boring room. Who needed dark wood that didn't even match anything to be perfect? Not me.

Adventuring outside was actually quite relaxing once I got the hang out knowing what streets to turn on and what alleys not to go through. As I walked more and more I learned that my life is not the only ones that are messed up. I have seen much worse things that have happened to people than to me. I've heard gunshots, screams from mothers getting beaten by their husbands, babies crying because they don't have anyone to rock them to sleep that night. Dogs whimpering out of pain, just everything bad that you could possibly imagine has been going on. The world is a screwed up place, and I have no idea why I thought I could be the only person in this huge world to change that and be sad when things don't go my way. I felt horrible for all the tortuous things that were happening, I had no idea. Especially towards the women. They were tested with so much disrespect it was crazy.
    Women get turned down all the time, or not even noticed. Just like I was with "that guy from History class"; but my situation was different, this was a crush. Not a job offer or a marriage proposal, just a crush. Not even a crush, an interest. Maybe not even an interest, maybe just a simple catch of my eye sort of thing. But whatever it was was ruining me.
  I needed to get him out of my head, and the only things that seemed like they were working were these stupid short walks I was doing. They gave me so much inspiration and vivid drawings and art I could make with my creativity. Everything was just so alive and uncontrollable out there. As I could feel the breeze down my skin and the cooling air blowing through my hair, thoughts were swirling and dancing through my brain. For once in my life instead of flowers I wanted to paint trees. Trees are actually a little too connected with flowers so I was thinking about drawing clouds, there are endless shapes, sizes, details clouds have. Some look like bunnies hopping through meadows while others can look like ferocious dragons breathing fire on helpless citizens. So many different combinations. But then I thought to myself, how would I feel if I stopped painting flowers, how my mother would feel, if she even does feel things. So instead of painting permanently on my wall, I found a patch of dead grass that was basically dirt. I then gathered sticks of all sizes and shapes to make thick or small edges. I pressed the stick to the dirt as dust flew up and shot up my nose. That was an odd feeling. I had never encountered dirt getting so close to my navel area. After that though I continued drawing. The sticks weren't nearly as good as painting with an actual paint brush but it worked well enough. Soon enough, two different clouds appeared. One had thick deep edges while the other cloud was very shallow and soft. I liked the soft one better because I thought of myself while drawing it and my father when drawing the deep, think, dark one. A good five minutes passed until I realized that I looked like a complete fool that was just bending down randomly near street drawing clouds. People were probably walking by and were wondering where the nearest insane asylum was. I don't even think we have one near our part of town. There is probably one were the rich people live because I'm sure so many people go crazy when they have all that pressure on them to provide and give enough money for their family. There was a story once that this very young happy couple became mentally ill because their brain was overloaded on the money they had. The husband was an engineer and the wife was a veterinarian who treated animals that were very well priced. No one for sure knew how they got so wealthy, no one would ever know. Today was one of the oddest days I have ever been in, but actually one of the best because I was open minded and adventurous and careless on what people thought of me.

The next morning I wake up to the sound of drilling and cranking. The smell of dust and rust all shoot throughout my room. I instantly wake up because it remotely smells like a fire. I look outside my old dusty window to see construction workers and several cranes that are several stories high lifting up this gold gate shaped thing. The gate was at least thirty feet high, and was not climbable. I jump out of bed and call for my dad. He doesn't answer at first but then I knock on his door to his room.
"Dad, you'll never believe what is going on"
"Just go back to sleep, it is Sunday morning, you should be sleeping in or doing homework."
"No" I replied instantly
"You need to get up now and look outside, it is horrible." He finally gets up but groans while he is walking.
We walk outside to see police officers ordering everyone to get back and return back to their homes. I have never been so confused in my life. What was happening? I asked my father.
"The separation is finally here. We are officially not part of the rich people's community anymore just because we have less money."

Tears were rolling down my face as I realized that I would never see those people ever again, only at school actually but this gate separation thing was going to be just like my school too. Great. The gate was miles long and had a resemblance to the border but was in much better condition and was more protected surprisingly. I ran up towards where the gate was being planted to get a better view as my father went back inside with his head sinking as low as the ocean floor. Just the way he was walking made me feel depressed. He knew this day was finally going to come but he had hoped that I was going to be younger so I wouldn't have to deal with all the things that were going to happen and so I didn't understand anything that was going on.
   Walking up to the gate the smell of burning steel and medal by gluing that gate to the floor. As I got closer I noticed just to the right of the gate there was a box, not a small box you put leftover clothes in, a box that was being secured and monitored by police officers. There were three working officers that had security cameras all around and have guns that were cocked and ready to shoot at who ever tried to escape onto the other side. Of course no one would have the bravery to do it now because it just went down and the police were patrolling it from left to right. Anyone that was in the right mind set would know that it would be physically impossible to get past the gate.
    This community all knew that we weren't welcome to the "rich" side but we would still need to go in and go to the stores, we didn't always buy things we just wanted to look. But now we are permitted to go through. This was probably the government. There was probably so much complaint about us that the government felt that it was necessary to create an actual jail and lock down for us. This was beyond everyone's limits and was confusing everyone.
   Walking closer I could see the detail on the gate and the writing that said "property of the government of US" Knew it. How could anyone in this world let this actually happen? This made me even sicker than I felt when the owner was being dragged out and my father was giving up. Even my father knew this was wrong. The person that told me that we were not good enough and were not special. He showed me that we are just worthless people and was a waste of a human body. This is a horrible message to say to your child. I didn't believe him when he told me that, but after this gate was made and put up. It all started making sense, and I figured out that all the things my father was saying were correct. This was by far the worst day of my life. Just when I thought I was free and open minded, I was locked in a place where I could never get out. And if I did, I would be killed. Those police officers, which I will know call guards were ruthless. They would kill anyone that disobeyed the gate rules and would try to fight against them. Those guards didn't care if you were a child, one move towards the gate... BOOM! Bullet to the brain. I'm glad this happened on a Sunday and not on a school day, because I would have never stopped thinking about it and the things that could never be changed be. I bet the rich community is happier than a clam. They already had the intimidation and the money; they went for overkill for this gate. They have everything they can possibly dream of and now they took away everything from us. I needed to get away from this and go back inside. Walking up my stairs to my porch, I felt a sadness and weakness I had never felt before. All my emotions were different now, I couldn't feel anything now because I knew that behind everything good that was happening we were still trapped and judged more than ever. Hours gone by as I wake up from my nap. I hope that all of this was just a cruel nightmare but as I watch through the window to see dust and an ugly gold color being worked on I knew this was reality. I don't move or blink I just lay on my bed like a dead animal. Just thinking and still not officially realizing what damage was done and all the crushed feelings of everyone. As I am about to get up and I hear this awful shriek coming from outside a half a mile away. This man is dressed up in feathers and face paint with mostly red, green, orange, and purple lines and dots. He is screaming as he runs into the wall and attempts to climb over it. What an idiot. I was astonished, just watching him trying to climb the gate, made me wants to run out towards it and climb it too. How could you possibly think you weren't going to add attention to yourself when you are wearing a costume like that and yelling out some sort of language I have never heard of?
"Hey you mutt get down from there!" One of the guards yells as the feathered man spirits towards his way home. The guards finally catch up to him and tackle him. They pin him on the ground as one of the officers foot is on his face squashing it into the gravel and the hard rock that is impelling him. The other one is hand cuffing the man as yells of pain are coming from him. Back up is called because this is their first offense and must be treated with exact care, so they can prepare for more of these. Everyone is watching how this man is being treated and taken care of. After the guards are done handcuffing him they look at all of us and say,
"This is the new life now, get used to it." How rude can someone be? We already knew that this was new; we have only been exposed to this lifestyle for less than twenty minutes and already all this drama was here. From behind everyone there were little muttering of "no" or "ha that's funny, or let’s see about that." I didn’t say anything; I just was clenching my fist and holding back all the cuss words I wanted to smash in their face. For the first time our neighborhood was finally on the same page, and finally has the same feelings for each other. We all know that we are gated off and are trapped, so this is the first time we are actually were thinking and working together. We all take another look and see that the man was clearly beaten and was lying face down on the dirt. Everyone I saw had a terrified look on their face. Why now? Why now were they trying to enforce the rules and laws that "permit" us from being with the more fortunate people?
        The guards were yelling things to the man and were telling him to get up and fight. "Get up; fight for what you thought was going to be a good idea." We could all hear that even when we were miles away.
Maybe this gate will help us, well obviously it isn't good but it could change us as a community to work together to try and tear down the gate. But this would never happen; everyone is too scared of the consequences. No one wants to die or get beaten to death. Clearly that man with the feathers wanted that. Although he did have a lot of courage to stand up for us and himself.
     My whole day has been ruined; everything I hoped for was crushed. I finally thought that someone would talk some sense into everyone that had a problem with associating with poor people. But obviously everyone here is too selfish and only care for themselves. This gate was indestructible and would never be taken down as long as we were still here or alive. All I was thinking about was school, how everyone would act now. I couldn't even eat the same food as people let alone sit with them. But now that this gate was here, this separation was taken to a whole new level. I wasn't angry anymore I just felt bad for everyone here and even myself. I bet no other states have things going on like this. I'm sure that they all get to live with each other and share the same school with each other.
   I lost count on how many thoughts and ideas were streaming through my brain, none of them surprisingly on that guy from history class. But I actually did have one; I needed to know his name. I needed to know some sort of information about him even if the pencil he was writing with was his favorite pencil. Something. I can't have that on my mind right now; I have to figure out how I am going to cope with the new gate.
    Going to bed that night was different, I felt different. Everything was different. I lay in my bed for a good fifteen minutes without even blinking just overthinking and replaying everything that happened today. My thoughts were cold; even my sheets and blankets were cold. They are black so they should have collected some heat that the sun had when it was shining through my window.
   I woke up the next morning and thought this was all just a terrible dream, and then I looked out my window. The guards and the construction workers were added barbed wire to the top of the gate. Yeah, like they need more protection against us. They already have us trapped are they now going to have a robot that has night vision to see people if they want to sneak over or try to go around it. No. Waking up again to the sound of drilling was not a good thing for me. Especially because today was Monday, and Monday is no fun day. I was dreading school dreading everything involving school or the gate. There better not be little whispers going around saying
         


"Yay now the poor people are separated." "Who cares about the people on the other side, they are worthless creatures living on this planet." I already here that enough from my dad but talking about us. I don't need to hear it from my school partners.

This whole week at school was just horrible. Everyone was pointing out and naming everyone that was poor and was being separated. They all had no sympathy for the things that we were going through. History class was the same, except I found out the guy’s name. Tyler. Tyler Dane. The only way I found out was because he asked a question about Columbus and the teacher answered it like, "Good question Tyler..." and then she kept talking but I was only focused on his name at that point. Tyler really suited his face and his body structure. Even Dane was a good last name. I have never even heard the name Dane until this. I also found out basic information too. He plays hockey and lacrosse and he hates lasagna. If you're wondering how I found this out was only because him and his friends were talking in the halls to go to lunch, they were talking about what were they should go for their lacrosse end of the season dinner thing. One of his friends said to go to an Italian restaurant and he said "No I don't like lasagna." Then all of his friends started laughing at him because they said lasagna isn't the only thing at Italian restaurants. Then I couldn't hear them anymore because I was too far away. You can learn a lot about a person just from one conversation. Especially when you observe and think about a person as much as I do about Tyler. Creepy I know. Just seeing him in the halls made me happy. He always came a little late to history class but the teacher didn’t mind. I enjoyed seeing him open the door and feel like gust of wind that had his scent in it.
   His voice sounded very normal when he was talking with his friends, and he laughed too. Okay, even I am getting crept out about me talking about him. I have only had a real encounter with him one time and I need to stop looking at him so much. But it is just so hard to stop thinking about someone that really had an effect on you. Once again though, he doesn't even know me or know I exist and he never will know now with this stupid, smelly, rusty, kind of gold gate. We have made eye contact once and that is only because I had to collect all the tests and all he did was hand me his paper, he looked up while he did it and our eyes met. His blue eyes as clear as the ocean were looking at me. Probably looking at the acne on my forehead; but was still looking at me. That was probably the only time ever our eyes would ever lock in eye contact ever again. None of us could see through the gate, we couldn’t see out and they couldn’t see in. Just thinking about the gate made me sweat out of anger.

After school I got home and I couldn't find my key to my house. I knocked several times on my door but no one answered. I became worried because my father always came home from work two hours before my school was done. He should be home. I went around back and looked through my window but all I could see was the hall way. So I went around to my father’s window, no luck again. I looked a second time through the window and I could see blood coming in the corner of his room. My breathing became so fast I couldn't keep up with it. I gathered a huge rock and threw it through the window. Shards of glass dropped down and I swept all the excess glass away. I slipped through the window and landed on the wood. The smell of rotting oysters shot up my nose. I wanted to vomit so bad, I have never smelt something this bad since I stepped in dog poop on my way home from school. (I was wearing flip-flops too so it got on my foot.) I covered my nose as I looked for where the blood trail was coming from.
I entered the closet as I found my father in a pile of his own blood and puke. A beer glass was shattered on the ground next to his shoes. I stepped over his unconscious body and felt his face. He was cold as ice and had a very slow heart rate and heartbeat. Pulling him out of his room and outside was the grossest part. As I was pulling him I kept slipping because of all the liquids on his hands made him very slippery.
He was a good two hundred pounds and he was tall. I am only 5’4 so this was going to be difficult. After ten minutes of struggling to drag him and pull him out I was finally near the door. I sprinted towards the door as I screamed, “HELP MY FATHER IS DYING, SOME ONE PLEASE CALL THE AMBULANCE.” Many people rushed out as a kind man ran to help him as his wife called 911. The man grabbed my father and pulled him up onto his shoulders. We lived very close to the hospital so the ambulance was here very fast. He got in the car as I got in too. I was holding his hand as an oxygen tube was being connected to his mouth. His hands were so cold they reminded me of snow. I felt terrible for him but all I know is that he inflicted this on himself. He didn’t have to drink seven bottles of beer. He could have been a normal father and stayed at work to get money for his family.
We got to the hospital as he was rushed to the emergency room.
“Excuse me, honey, you aren’t allowed to follow them. I am very sorry.”
“Oh, alright then.” I sat down on an uncomfortable plastic chair that was bright blue and spelled the word, “smile” right in the corner of it. This didn’t want to make me smile, this made me think of my dad and how the hospital wanted us to think for the worst and try to be positive even though I wasn’t in a positive situation. I looked around as I collected my thoughts and calmed down. There were babies crying and mothers breaking down in tears because their husband just died. There were also children that had no idea what was happening  even though their father was holding in every drop of tears he had in him to try to not make them feel bad. Just watched people’s reactions to things made me feel dark and miserable. I wanted to leave but I knew I couldn’t, I had to stay with my father and check up on him.
Three hours had gone by and I was still planted in the same uncomfortable chair. Some families were still here too, but at least they had each other.
Thinking about all the possibilities that could go wrong was actually terrifying. His drinking has never been this bad before. He has gotten drunk and has passed but he has never been stuck in a pile of his own puke and blood. I have never dealt with so much stress before since the gate was built. Waiting in this terrible room gave me the chills. Calling from nurses and ambulance sirens were swarming me. All I was here for was my dad; my dad was the only focus on my mind. "Can you fill this water up please?" was the only thing someone said to me. I don't even work here, do I look like I work here. Do my ripped up dark washed jeans and my yellowish converse make you think of me as a nurse? I looked at the lady and said, "Uh, I don't work here... Sorry." She was obviously confused.
Thirty minutes had gone by and still nothing has happened. No one has said anything and I haven't even heard his name. Even the lady got the water bucket filled up. How is that possible, and I can't even figure out if my father was alive or dead. Maybe they were figure out a way to tell me what was going to happen with him. Or maybe they were too scared to tell me to say my last words to him because he wasn't going to make it. Just as I was coming up with another reason I heard, "Kinsey, Kinsey Ford?" I sprung out of my seat as fast as I would if someone presents me with a million dollars.
"Hi sweetie, how have you been?"
"I've been fine... my father is Humphrey Ford, I would like to know how he is doing."
"Yes, Mr. Ford. Well he had to get his stomach pumped because the alcohol reacted so badly with his immune system. Since he has had so much alcohol the past week, his body couldn't handle it any longer. The reason this process has taken so long is that his heart beat and his blood sugar kept dropping has we were pumping."
Tears were filling my eyes; I didn't know what all this meant. Would he be okay? Or was there going to be an exception to all of this?
"So what does this mean for him?"
"Well, because his heart beat is off we are going to have to go into surgery to steady his heartbeat. He is going to be okay but it is going to be a long wait. Is there any way you could go home and stay there?"
"I don't drive and the walk is pretty far. I am not very comfortable staying home all night alone with my father in this condition. I think I am going to stay the night"
"Oh, Okay that works too. We will alert you if anything has gone bad and when he is done so you can stay in his room and see him."
"Okay thank you so much."
I walked away so confused. My stomach was swirling and dropping with every foot step I took. The hospital was warmer here than my house so it was good that I was staying. And I could stay with my father and make sure he is doing okay. Plus, I get free blankets. Not in good condition but at least they were warm and cozy. A little scratchy but it will work.
It's about midnight when I hear this faint voice calling my name. It sounds like a voice that is in pain and weak. I stand up and my legs are tingling, they are asleep and it is so hard to focus on things when it hurts to step down on the ground. I get closer to the voice to find a room, I look through the window to see my dad facing towards me and he looks so weak he reminds me of a skeleton. I rush in but the door is locked, I instantly call for a nurse but no one seems to answer. Panicking is the worst thing to do in this situation right now, but I couldn’t help myself. A little later three nurses rushed in and came to help.
“Excuse me, what is the problem here?”
“Well I was waiting in the waiting room when I heard my father calling my name. I rushed in and felt his pulse, I could be wrong but it was beating so slowly. I know I am not a nurse or a trained professional in this area but I think something is really wrong with him. Is there any possible way you could check again and examine him?”
“Yes of course, but you will have to step out of the room for this and wait in the place you were. Thank you.”
My stomach had already dropped but now it was all the way down to my toes. As was walking out there were sounds of beeping and this long sharp beep in my ear. This was all internal sounds but it sounded so real. I felt light headed so I decided to get a drink of water and sit down. For some strange reason sadness was not what I was feeling. I was more worried than sad. The oddest thing was I was worried about what was going to happen to me not about my father. This is probably not the correct thought to be thinking because it is actually very selfish. But I know that he would be thinking ahead just like me too.
I was worried if I was going to have to take care of him. And bring him food because he is not able to walk. Or if he falls and I am at school. Am I going to have to miss school for this or will this just be a temperamental thing. What if I am in an important test and the school has to call me out to tell me that my father just died for some reason. There are so many “what ifs” right now, and I cannot deal with any of them.
After sleeping in the most uncomfortable chair that was small enough to fit a large rat a cold hand touched my shoulder. I sprung up and rubbed my eyes to get a clearer view. It was the nurse I was just talking to when I was in his room. She had a very straight expression which was making me get the chills.
“Come over to the hall way with me...”
It was over, he died. Or if he didn’t die than he was going to at least. She was going to tell me that I need to say my last thoughts to him because this would be the last time he would ever hear my voice again. Surprisingly, I was wrong.
“Your father isn’t in the worst state ever but he could be better. You were actually right about his heart beat and how slow his pulse was but it wasn’t as bad as we were expecting. Apparently we made a mistake in the surgery to bring it back to normal so we are going to have to go back and do another procedure on him. Everything will be much better after this. I am so sorry for all this stress on you. I know it is hard for a teenager like you to cope with everything that is happening right now.”
“Okay, I am glad that he will be better soon, I will be waiting in the normal spot where all the families are. Thank you for the news" I turned around and sat back down with a huge grin on my face. I was happy that things we all getting put together.
Two hours later and I hear the sounds of a wheelchair rolling on the hard hospital cold floor. I look up to see my dad strolling in it. I walk over to him at a slow pace and wrap my arms around him. He only wraps one of his arms but that is probably only because I was holding him so tight.
"Why is he in a wheelchair?"
"He is still a little weak from all the work we have done on his heart, for the first week he is back he will get out of breath very easily, but that is only because his heart is getting used to the new beat. Just walking to the bathroom from his bedroom will make him feel like he just ran two miles. But it will go away, soon enough the blood will start pumping faster and at a normal pace and he will be perfectly fine! The best thing for him to do is to not drink a single sip of alcohol. You are going to have to be really good about making sure he doesn't drink. This is very important for his health Kinsley.
"Awesome and okay I will do my best, thank you all so much!"
We checked out and I strolled him down the street. We called for a bus but it took an hour for it to come. It was also a five dollar fee. Stupid me didn't bring any money, because I was so rushed to get my dad to the hospital. So we have to walk now. Walking was not my strong suit; I am not a walker, runner, sprinter, jogger, and definitely not an athlete. Pushing my father was also a bigger struggle; he was about two times my weight because apparently alcohol gains a lot of weight for you.
Pushing him on the stone and gravel wear there were little bumps and holes was torture. I was sweating so much. When we finally got home I helped him in his bed and gave him a cup of water. When he was sleeping I took all of the beer, which was a lot. I threw all of it away. Praying he wouldn't wake up and hear all the glass breaking and the smell from the beer making him get up.
After that sequence of "beer throw" and plopped in my bed realizes how bad school was going to be because I just missed two days of high school. High school isn't anything like middle school. You can't miss a single day without missing a test or a project or having that one day where you have the most homework. Stress was going to stream through my body like a river. My life went from good too stressful to good and then stressful again. To add to the stress I realized that I haven't drawn any flowers on my wall for three days because I haven't been home.
I cheated my system and painted small black flowers; I didn't feel bad for not painting everyday but I couldn't help it that I wasn't home. It was about five o'clock when I was already in bed in my pajamas. The best feeling is when you can just lay in bed and think about everything and watch life happen and have wonderful dreams that would never come true.

School was dreadful. Like always. This new girl was in my math class and she was the most annoying human being in the entire world.
         "Hi there! I'm Charlotte; I really like your hair. Even though it is kind of short but it works for you. Sometimes people with short hair look ugly but you actually don't. Wow I really like your eye color, are you wearing eye contacts? No of course you aren't that would be silly and kind of strange to be honest. I moved here from Washington DC. Which is so far away, those planes are so uncomfortable and I had a baby right behind me and she was crying the entire time. I barely got to sleep. We’ll have a good day at school; I hope I am in one of your classes!"
In all of those words I only took one breath. Jeez, she talked so fast and about so much stuff. If I was like I was slap myself. She's new though and she is probably just trying to make a friend which is alright because everyone deserves to have friends.
       That whole day I kept seeing her around fluttering from group to group while some people enjoyed talking to her and some people rolled their eyes and backed away. I don't think she got the part where the rich people sit over there and poor people sit on the dirt where bees are flying everywhere and everyone gets stung at least ten times a year. I wonder what she was like though. Rich, poor? You never know. I didn't want to ask because 1. That is a very awkward question and 2. She wouldn't even answer my question, she would talk about her life story that would probably involve like her grandfather that was in Belgium for a nice lunch but then he got ran over by a car. Or something like that.
     It was quite funny seeing people's reaction to her. They probably have never met someone as talkative and social as her. I know I haven't, but that is only because I haven't met a lot of people in my life.
  Actually today wasn't as bad as the other days beside knowing that I have two times the homework that I usually do and I have all these stupid notes I have to take for chem. Other than that, it was actually good.
  The highlight of my day was when someone was walking and they tripped because the sprinklers were on. He was okay, it was just funny. I probably shouldn't t think it was funny and I should feel bad for him but I didn't. Opps. Today was just an abnormally strange and funny day. I haven't snickered that much at school since.... I don't even remember.
   After my dad being in the hospital I had to create a whole new schedule for myself after school. I would walk home and go straight to my dad to see how he was doing or if he needed anything. I would then get him what he needed or would help him to go some places. Usually he was grumpy because he didn't have his beer, his beer usually calmed him down which was a very and thing to calm someone down with. He hasn't realized what I did with all of them because he hasn't gotten the chance to explore my house more. This was an amazing thing because I can’t even explain how mad he would be at me for invading his things.
    One time I knocked over his beer and he yelled at me for so long because he said that I was wasting his money on things that I was being clumsy around. Of course he spent his job money on buying beer, food, paying for the house rather than fixing for the house that would make the bill for the house much cheaper than it is now. I couldn't tell him that though, because then I would be in trouble for being a smart ass and trying to be smarter than someone who has lived decades longer than I have.
   I didn't want to think about the negative times which him, I wanted to make new positive memories. Which would take a long time but it would happen. I wanted to explain to him what my paintings were and how my day at school was and when I would graduate I wanted him to help me with packing for college but that is a long time away so I will have to wait. Waiting was the simplest and the easiest thing to do right now.
   I kept thinking to myself about how I need to get out there in the world and show people what and who I really am and all the things I can do. It's impossible to focus on myself and creating a good impression for others to see when so many things are going on in my world.

Another painful week of school is here and I am not sure how I can possibly survive all of this stress and still get all my school work done.
  The strangest thing happened to me during this week in history class. I was working on our timeline project that was assigned I felt like someone was standing over me. I could feel his breathing on my neck. Looking up as I realized that it was Tyler. My heart dropped to my toes as I stood there just admiring his beauty.
  "Hi... I was wondering if you could help me with this project. I really don't understand it and it seems like you really understand it. I mean you already have seven hundred and sixty years done."
"Uh, sure, yeah, yes. Just bring a chair over here and I can help."
As he was walking back I fixed my hair, and grabbed a tic tac. I could never possibly have bad breath around him, which would be a complete embarrassment. His voice was so perfect, my god. The sound of a chair scooting close to mine interrupted my thoughts.
"So, how many years do you have done?" I asked in my nicest and sweetest tone.
"....ten years...." he muttered under his breath.
I tried not to laugh but it was so pathetic that it was cute.
As I was quietly snickering I replied;
"Oh, well that's a good start."
  Thirty minutes of just staring at him and listening to his questions and listening to my answers were like the sounds of angels. We worked so well together. Helping him was my favorite part; he was leaning on my paper as the scent of flowers dipped in masculine liquid over loaded my nose. He was always smiling and I was trying my best not to be awkward but it is just so hard.
  The end of the second period bell rang, it felt like this class was two minutes long; but the time didn't matter. This day was by far the best day I have ever had in so long.
Before I knew it school was over, is this what happens when you have a good day. Does nothing affect you when you had an amazing day? Because that is what definitely happened to me.
  I sprinted home; not thinking about if cars were going to hit me or if I was going to trip on and raised sidewalk crack because none of that mattered. What mattered is that Tyler knew me; he knew that I was smart and he came to me. He came to me first and was smiling and was just so close to me. I started spinning around as people in small cars were looking at me as if I should be in an insane asylum. Once again, that didn't matter.
   Maybe people are right, good things happen when bad things happen. The only thing I knew was a hundred percent right was that second period was going to be my class that I looked forward to for the rest of the day. Even when we had to leave I would still look forward to it the next day.
  I ran in my room and grabbed my paint brush and mixed in the brightest colors, I drew a flower that had pedals shaped as hearts. The flower was five times bigger than my head and overlapped so many of my other flowers. But it's okay, the flowers it covered were dark and small which meant I didn't spend lots of time on them or worry about making it perfect or not. Or I just had a bad day and used the darkest color I could find.
  Going to bed excited and nervous for tomorrow was a feeling I had never experienced. Being excited for school was not on my "daily things to be excited for" list. That list usually consisted of leaving school and painting, which were now number three on the list.
Waking up was even better. Knowing today was going to be good was the best feeling in the entire world. The only thing I was worried about was first period and how slow it was going to be.
I was right, first period felt like twenty years talking about chemistry and how the periodic table created our society today. Which is complete BS so why should I even be learning about? The teacher was awful too, he always had horrible breathe and whenever I had a question about the homework he would accidentally spit on me. That is the worst thing any teacher could possibly too.
His teaching method was off too. We had to self-teach ourselves. It is almost impossible to teach yourself why chemicals reacted with others but not others. His tests were the worst part, thirty five questions and all of them were legitimately impossible. He puts things we have never even learned about, what kind of teacher does that?!
Finally after centuries the class was over. In the reflection from the class opening on the door I fixed my hair and checked if I had anything was in my teeth. The six tic tac packs I had planted in my backpack gave me a good purpose. I stashed at least seven in my mouth and sucked on them until the texture was rough and soft and then I bit down to get the real mint flavor.
I walked into class in my tip-top shape and fixed my last minute stray hairs that were impacting my confidence level. Tyler walked in two minutes after the bell had rung and he sat by his friends. No eye contact or a smile. But that was okay because he was going to ask for my help again. That was all I was thinking about.
“Keep working on your timelines, they are due next Thursday.”
“Yes.” I muttered under my breathe.
I sat back down and got out my timeline that had now about a thousand years on it. Working on it for five minutes I realized that he wasn’t going to come over and ask again because he would have done it by now. Right when I had that thought out of the corner of my eye I saw him get up from his friends and walk towards my direction. His steps were so graceful. He was about ten feet away from me as I smiled to him in the best way possible. The he turned around and headed back towards his desk. The smile that masked my face now became a dark frown. I looked back down to my timeline when I heard, “Forgot my pencil Kinsley I will be there in a second.” Yes.Yes.Yes.Yes.Yes.Yes. this is really happening, he is coming over to me again and will sit with me. This mean he is interested in me. Well, there are actually two possibilities for why he is coming over. 1. He is into me and just wants to sit and talk to me and the timeline is the easiest thing or excuse to talk to me with. Or 2. He just wants me to help him because he really has no clue on what is going on; and he thinks that I will do all of his work for him and give him all of my ideas that I was going to use. I was hoping for the first reason but you can never really know in boy’s minds.
“Hi, how has your day been going” He said to me as he pulled a chair and sat down beside me.
“So slow, I can’t imagine going to stupid Chemistry everyday for the rest of the school year.”
“Same! And my teacher is horrible, all he talks about is Canada and how he was born there but then had to be shipped off here. And we always have to self-teach ourselves and others.”
“I know right, it is horrible; it’s like be a good teacher and actually teach things.”
Right before he was going to keep the conversation going we were interrupted.
“Kinsley, Tyler please stop talking it is so distracting for other students. If you keep laughing and talking about other things that are not related to the timeline then I will have to separate you guys. Clear?”
“Clear.” We both said as we shut up and went back to work. He has only done twenty more years, besides the three hundred that I helped him with. His handwriting was sloppy and unorganized with lots of spelling errors.
“Are you looking at my horrible handwriting?” He said has he caught me staring at it with a confused look on my face.
“Well, I was just admiring how beautiful the lines were.”
“Mhm, sure. I am usually such a better writer than this I have just been so distracting lately I haven’t being caring about school work.”
"Well alright, let's get back to work."
We kept working and he was always glancing at me. Mostly because he was looking at my precious years and copying me, but it didn't matter as long as he was close to me.
  The class ended and we didn't even hear the bell ring because we were talking and laughing so much. I have never flirted with anyone as much as I did in that class. It was amazing, I felt like we were supposed to be together like he asked for my help which is a sign that we are meant to be together. We cleaned up and put our supplies away. He went back to his friends and I walked straight out the door. When I got about three feet away I heard Tyler whisper to one of his best friends, "So glad that you only made me work with her for two days and changed it from three days, which was a horrible dare." My eyes were as wide and big as the moon. Everything in my body started tingling and my heart felt like it was beating forty beats per second. I felt so weak and cold. I couldn't believe something so cruel could come out of someone that was so nice to me but so fake. I never wanted to see him or talk to him or look at him ever again. How could I possibly believe that the boy of my dreams would just walk into my life randomly? Goosebumps were filling me legs and my whole entire body was being fueled by anger. I stormed through the halls not caring if the head cheerleader or the quarterback was in my way because I was going to run right through them. I went to all my classes in complete hatred of everything around me. Someone sneezed, I wanted to kill them. Someone dropped their pencil, hated them. I ran home after school was over, because all I wanted to do was curl up in my bed and sleep until summer started.
  Who knew I could ever hate a person so much. Being this anger made me feel like I was invisible. Like I could do anything in this world and have unlimited lives. I decided that the new gate was the cause of all of this. Of course I blame everything on the stupid gate because everything bad comes from that gate.
Tomorrow I was going to fight. I was going to leave my school, my house everything to go into the mountains just outside the end of the gate. I was going to beat the guards and create and equal treatment to how everyone treats us. Things will change in this town, and I will make sure of it.

I packed my bags and stuffed everything I could stuff into my small bag that was about to break. It was moldy on the bottom and smelled a little like tuna. I didn’t care though; I was getting out of this town whether it took me five hours or five days. I was going to set things straight and fight because no one else in this god damn town would.
I grabbed a pen and quickly wrote down a letter to my father:
"Dear father, I am going out to explore for a while and see what this gate is truly capable of. Please keep getting rest and staying in your bed. I love you so much.
Love, Kinsley.
Ps. I will be back in a couple of days, don't worry."
Making a plan on what I would do was difficult. I packed all the water bottles I could find and trotted out the door. This was a difficult process that I was willing to do.
The worst ideas were popping up in my head: “Hitch hike all the way to the mountains and pray to god that you don’t get abducted” “Join a tribe that no one knows about and create a new life for yourself” “Stay here, things will change eventually just let it happen.”
I was not going to let my thoughts change my view on getting out of this hell hole I call life. It was a cold morning; I’m not sure how I am possibly going to deal with this coldness. I barely have a jacket and the one I have, it is so thin you can see through it. Walking out the door the big gust of wind blew through my hair as I stepped into what I was hoping wouldn't be a complete failure or an act to get my head blown off.
I was willing to risk everything I had to stop this madness from happening anymore. With every step closer to the gate I could feel the butterflies multiplying. Hands shaking, body sweating. I went the long way and hugged the sides of buildings to stay as far away as possible. After the buildings stopped I followed a dirt trail that looked like it leads for four miles. So I walked. I walked as far as I could until my legs couldn't do it anymore. My jacket that I was wearing was already smelling like sap and what I hoped not to be poison oak. My steps were careful and small as I tracked every moment in the woods with my two eyes.
The only thing I could read the time with was an old watch I found in the lost and found. It was in good shape, but it had chips and scratches but it was better than nothing. It was probably a very minutes off but at least a target on what the time was. I looked down at my left wrist to find all the dirt and plant scent that I was walking through. The watch read 5:52. It was almost about to get dark and who knows what is out there. But I wouldn't be afraid.
The darkness rolled in as the sounds of owls and rats sprinting around and battling each other for spare food disrupted my mood. I found a nice dirt patch and set my half of a ratty old blanket down and placed my jacket on top of me. I was under the leaves of a big oak tree that was protecting me from whatever was in the clouds.
Waking up was horrible, my back felt like it had been snapped in millions of pieces. My head was hurting, but probably only because pine needles and pine cones were pressed up against my head which was not a pleasurable feeling at all.
My motivational level was at its highest. I was planning on walking until I could get a bird’s eye view of the entire town. The trail ended before I could get a view so I decided to make my own trail. I got a big stick that weighed almost as much as my dad and dragged it behind me as I was walking through the leaves and the plants below my feet. The branch crushed the plants and left a very nice dirt trail.
Walking is so hard. Especially when you don’t know where you are walking or even going. I could see the top of the mountain which meant that I was close to seeing everything.
About an hour later I reached the top. My face looked like something out of a movie. I had dirt in my hair under my nails all over my clothes and even in my mouth. The plants were the worst part, they were irritating my skin so badly I wanted to break down and cry. Walking really cleared my mind, I was thinking about so many things like how my father was doing, if people in school noticed I was gone, and if Tyler even knew that I heard what he said. The most important thought that went through my head was the gate. If everyone knew about the gate and if people on the rich side felt bad for us. They probably all didn’t care I bet they were as happy as a clam to be away from us. Another thought I had was if any other states were talking about what was happening and were inspired by the idea or wanted to help us. I hope no one is inspired by this because no one or no type of people should be treated like this.
Without knowing, I had just walked another four miles. I didn't know I was walking this far of a distance because all my thoughts were distracting me from being tired or realize what I was doing.
Walking was actually sort of fun, I loved being alone in the woods but it was also a little creepy at some times. Nature is so unpredictable like seriously, a tree could just randomly fall on me for no reason. Plants could be really pokey and put a hole through your shoe and even your skin. I had to be so careful about where I was walking.
All of a sudden I heard this rustle in the bushes. "It's just a rat or a bird Kinsley, don't worry." I kept walking but the sound kept ringing in my ear and wouldn't stop. When I paused, the sound stopped; when I walked faster the sound got louder and became worried. I stood there silent in the wood not knowing if an axe murderer was out to get a fifteen year old girl that had so much to live for. I started walking again and the sound sounded like it was ahead of me.
That's it, I'm done. I'm going to get killed and never see my father again. I booked it, I sprinted my heart out. If I was going to get killed I might as well just die trying to get away. Right when I was running I bumped into someone. This someone was tall, blonde hair and brown eyes, the most magnificent eyes in the whole wide world. This someone was Tyler. I flew backwards from the impact but when I got up I stormed away from him.
"Kinsley... uh, what are you doing here?"
"Really because I can say the same thing to you" I said with a sassy tone which made me proud of saying
"I asked you first. Why would you be out in the woods, don't you have school."
"Newsflash Tyler, we go to the same school remember?"
"Oh yeah hahahaha" he said as he laughed
"Yeah super funny."
I nudged him out of my way and kept walking. It was silent at first but then I hear the sound of cracking leaves and the wind behind me. I turned around and he was right behind me.
"Can I help you? What do you want?"
"I just want to know why you are out here, what is the reason for this? And why you won't talk to me?" He answered.
"Oh no, I'm not talking to you. Maybe it was a dare by my friends to come to the woods and walk all the way to the top of this stupid mountain."
"Oh, you heard me... I am really sorry, at first it was a dare but then we talked more. Something happened between us and I didn't want them knowing anything."
"Mhm." Rolling my eyes I turned back around and walked. He grabbed my hand and said "Just talk to me please I'll explain everything and you will have to too"
Talking to him would be so amazing, but he hurt me so bad. But I gave up, I finally explained everything I was doing and why. Surprisingly he had the same exact views too. He wanted to get rid of the gate and help people in my community. We talked and walked for so long just stating our views to each other.
We were like twins. He thought the gate was the worst idea in over a hundred years. He also said that he never wanted to be separate from the less fortunate people he only wanted to help them.
I learned that he has the richest family in Tennessee. His family was so strict that if he even communicated with a poor person he would be grounded forever.
"My parents think I'm like an angel sent from heaven. They expect so much from me that I can't give them. They fear that if I even associate with the poor people I will be brain washed and won't be their perfect son anymore. Which I never was. The fact that they are so rude to everyone and make people feel so down on their selves is disgusting. I'm repulsed with my parents but they give me everything I need to be successful in life. But I just wish their views were different. My parents threw a huge party the minute the gate got put up and they were mostly the reason the damn gate got put up anyway."
I was going to puke. I literally was so close to just falling on the ground and puking. The things he was telling me that his parents have done were repulsive. He always told me when we were walking that he was the lucky child. I don't know what this meant but I know it had something to do with him always getting what he wanted and when he didn't he made a fit. Which he said he hated doing but it was fun.
Just talking to him for only an hour I learned so many things about him. He never said anything romantic though like, "To be honest, I think you're beautiful." "I'm so happy that I'm talking to you" but that would never happen so it's okay. Surprisingly he never asked about me, he only talked about himself which I was okay with because he has such a better life than me and I don't want him knowing that I'm taking care of an alcoholic.
"Why don't I see you at school a lot?" He asked
"Well you didn't even know who I was until like three days ago and I like to stay away from your group of people or friends."
"Oh, why don't you just introduce yourself to people and have people like you?"
"Because that's not who I am, I like to draw flowers on my wall-"
"Hahahahaha" he interrupted
"Can I finish please?" I said in a very sarcastic voice so he wouldn't think I was mean.
"Drawing is my release, I feel like I don't have to prove myself to anyone because the only thing I need to prove is the way my strokes are and what I draw. That's the only thing that matters to me. I am the biggest perfectionist you will ever know so meeting new people who don't know the way I am are going to judge me; so why try being someone else when I can just be myself."
"Well I think your own personality is intriguing"
"...You do?" I tried hiding my smile but it was so hard I was going to need a huge billboard to cover it.
"Yeah, the way you are so serious but when you aren't serious you are so fun. I have never met such an independent person that was so fun to talk to."
"Wow, uh. Uh. Uh. Thanks Tyler..."
COULD I BE ANY AWKWARDER?!

As we kept talking the more I wanted to be with him. Having a relationship with him would make my life complete. I can picture it now...
We take down the gate and he becomes my boyfriend. We hang out all the time but his parents are still against him being with me. He is always helping me paint and we create our own fence post where we draw our favorite objects on. We sit next to each other in class and we eat lunch together. People from all different money sources of fortunate and unfortunate people are eating together and are best friends. Life will be completely different when we take down the gate.
  After walking we sit down. We are so tired and we are getting Close to being on the guard box. Tyler grabs a stick and cleared a dirt pile that he uses for a blueprint for our plan. He marks me as an x and himself as a y.
"Okay Kinsley. The plan is, I will distract them by saying who my parents are and then they will have to listen because my parents practically created the gate. I will order all the guards to come out of the box and have them tell me all the bad things that need to be improved on so that I can tell my parents what we need to fix. As they are telling me this you will sneak down the mountain and get into the control box. There is a button in the box that calls for a crane that will take the gate away. And when you push that button it is like a self-destruct button. It can't be stopped. You have to safely get the button and then hide as quickly as possible. Easy?"
"Easy." As I gulped.
"We will go in the morning we should get some rest tonight to be prepared for tomorrow."

  We lay down on our jackets and laid back to back about four feet from each other. I couldn't sleep, something was keeping me up. So I looked at the stars. Stars are so beautiful because they are just there, just there in the sky. It shows me how the simplest and smallest things can be so beautiful and unique. I want to be a star. I want to be the person that doesn't have to talk to people to have them like me, but that's not how life works.
  In the middle of the night I woke up suddenly, I was sweating and was so hot it felt like I was in an oven.
  I was getting the chills all over my body. This had never happened before, what was going on.
"Tyler? Tyler!" I yelled
"Huh? What? What's wrong?"
"I can't sleep and I feel like I'm four hundred degrees."
He felt my forehead and noticed that I had a fever.
"You just have a mild fever. It's okay. You will be okay just tried to focus on sleeping."
"Okay." I sighed
I turned back around as I felt his strong hand go over my stomach as he pulled me in closer. Close enough that we were back to stomach. I smiled. I felt so much better. So much safer.
  Morning time came as we woke up in the same position as we were when I woke him up. I was so nervous I would screw things up and not push the right button. What if there's a "keep forever" button and I accidentally push that?
The moment he walked down the hill and screamed "come down when I give you the signal" (the signal being where he brushes off his shoe) I knew we were actually doing this. After all the things I said I would do but never did it. I am doing the biggest one I have always dreamed of.
You couldn't hear them very well so I could only look at Tyler's expressions on his face. He still looked so good looking. The way the sun hit his hair and the way he was calm in front of people even when he was being deceiving. I couldn't have wished for anything more in my entire life than this day.
The mumbling that was going on and the lip moments I couldn't read were very confusing and I had to keep a close eye on him because when he did the signal I had to get into the box and push the button. At least all the guards except for one were out that I could see so I knew things were getting close and I needed to be ready.
Tyler told me when he gives me the signal to walk very slowly and not make a lot of noise. So as they were talking I was slowly inching myself down the mountain to get a head start.
The second he was reaching for his shoe and made direct eye contact with me I started going and thinking about what I should do. I looked back at him and gave him a very big smile. Instead of a little secretive smile he had a huge frown and his eyes were so wide. I stepped further away to get a better view to see what was going on has I noticed the head of a gun was resting right on his head.
  I bolted down the hill not caring if I was being loud, I was going to get to Tyler.
His expression reminding me of the one I had when I found my father, complete and utter disgust and fear. Running down while still trying to see what was going on was difficult. My foot hooked onto a branch and I tumbled down a couple of yards to almost get down to the bottom. Screaming at the top of my lungs,
"STOP WHAT ARE YOU DOING! GET AWAY FROM HIM!"
The officer gave me a sharp glance
"Ah, it's you. We have seen you on the poor side; I really like your house. Or should I say dirt pile. It's really funny seeing everyone suffer and show so much effort to change their lives when they know nothing is going to happen."
"Be quiet" I snapped
"What was that?" As he readjusted his grip on the gun and contained a firm stance.
"You can't treat us like this. We are not different from anyone else, just because we can't afford diamond earrings and stain glass windows and fluorescent night shades with pink rubies on them. We have the essentials we need for life and that life we have is going great. Food, water, family. Everything. Why cradle us in a place where you think we are suffering when actually we have the exact same life as the rich people, just simpler. Just-"
"Oh shut up, you stupid mutt." The guard behind yelled. He grabbed his gun and pointed it to my head. Shocks of every feeling I could possibly have went through me. I didn't know what to do or think so I stood there slowly. Tyler and I made eye contact when he smiled and did an over exaggerating breath to try to make me calm down. I did and looked what was actually happening and figured out that I wasn't going to fight back anymore because we would never win anyways. I was going to let them do their jobs and take us back to our homes.
"This is what happens when you go against police force and make a fool out of yourself. You guys are just kids, you have so much more to do in life, and you decide to do this. Bad decision."
They could never shoot us. They would go to jail forever. They can't shoot innocent people when we aren't even armed.
"You can't shoot us, you won't shoot us." I screamed as the gun just above my ear was pushing into my temple.
"You're right." They put down their guns and pushed Tyler to the ground and shoved me onto a dirt pile. I landed on my wrist and something snapped. I stayed down and just watched Tyler getting beaten by the guards. Tears were rolling down my face; I didn't know what to do so my first instinct was to jump on the guards back. He swung me around while the other guard was still kicking him. "STOP" I was yelling but it felt like I was only saying it in my head and no words were coming out.
The officer swung me over his shoulder and I crashed into the ground, I laid there for a few seconds. My vision was blurry and I couldn't hear anything just the faint yelling of both people. Stumbling to get up I finally gathered up my balance and backed away. I could never beat the guards but I hate seeing Tyler getting hurt.
Right when Tyler stood up with blood covering his face and his hair covered in dirt the sounds of helicopters filled the air. The tornados of dust were overwhelming everyone. Looking up to see a helicopter the size of a dinosaur. It was green and black and was camouflage all over. Ladders from both sides shot down as strong men starting climbing down.
"Get your hands off that boy immediately. Step away from the gate and the control box as you do so as well."
Everyone obeyed and stepped away. The men on the ladders landed as we all were covering our eyes from the dust.
"This is the WWUCP, The World Wide Undercover Police, as you may know. We have been watching this so called "gate" being built and thought of for a couple of months now and we are here to end it all. There are state laws that everyone shall be treated with equal respect no matter how fortunate or unfortunate they are. You will stop this immediately and take down the gate. Other states have made many complaints because some of their family members have gotten trapped because of this gate. The creator will be prosecuted."
My eyes directly shot at Tyler to search for his reaction to his parents going to jail. Surprisingly he smiled and looked towards me with a glistening of hope that things would be better when they would be gone.
  The WWUCP took over the control box and pushed the button that destroyed the gate. Mr. and Mrs. Dane were arrested and God knows how long they will be in there for. But to be completely honest I hope for a long time. It was wrong of them to do that and they even knew it before they started.
Everything was over with. Everything was going to be back to normal and we would be able to communicate and eat lunch with other people now.
Tyler ran up to me and I gently gave him a huge because he was very hurt and I didn't want to hurt him even more.
He stepped back, and then kissed me. Straight on my lips. I could feel the warmth of my lips and his lips together. My face turned completely red and I felt like I was on the sun. I couldn't be any happier. He stopped kissing me and hugged me so tight my feet were off the ground.
After the gate was destroyed neighbors gathered to show their appreciation for us and to say how brave we were to stand up to the guards when no one else would.
The only person I was focused on was my father. I could see his shadow near my house and I ran as fast as I could towards him.
"Father!" I said as I leaped into his arms and felt his strong hands wrap around me.

A month after the gate had disappeared things at school were amazing. No matter where you lived you could be eating and sitting with whoever you wanted. The meals were offered to everyone and no one didn't talk to anyone just because they were poor or was scared to talk to people because they were rich. Everything was equal. Teachers equal. People equal. Good equal. School equal.
  Tyler and I were great. I learned to become more open and meet new people. Mostly Tyler's friends but it’s okay. I was happy and he was happy.
Everyday Tyler would walk home with me and tell me all the stories about his childhood. I never got tired of hearing him talk because it was music to me ears. My father loved him and I loved him so what else could go wrong?
He would mix the color of his mood and my mood to get a new and unique color to paint the flowers with. We decided instead of just painting flowers we were going to do different objects too such as boats and suns and stars, ships, foods, animals. All sorts of things.
"It is a new chapter in our life so why not paint new things. We can't draw the exact same thing every time because we aren't the same people anymore." He said after he finished his final strokes on his sail and he pressed his pink lips against my cold pale ones.
Everything I wanted and hoped for finally found its way into the puzzle that got its perfect fit into my life.



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