When we were all out of the car, I felt crowded. I stood on the tips of my toes and tried to look around. In the distance, I could see a place surrounded by fences . I assumed that was where we were going. In nearly the opposite direction, there was a forest of trees in the distance. 

 They led us to the camp, making sure no one tried to run away. There was a clearing near us with tall grass. I was tempted to go there and hide. To hide from the Nazis and from the war. But I knew that wouldn’t work. I’d likely get shot. Even if I didn’t get shot, how would I survive? I didn’t know how to hunt or build a house. For now, it seemed the camp was my best bet. I’d have to play along to survive. 

Everyone was separated into three groups: Men, women, and children. I was put in the children’s group. I was 12. We were forced to take off our clothes. At first, I didn’t like the idea, but I didn’t want to face whatever consequences there were if I didn’t do what they wanted. After everyone was undressed, our heads were shaved. I could kind of understand the shaving of our hair. Maybe the Nazis didn’t want lice in their camp. But my head was cold. Next, we had to take a shower in public. I didn’t like this either, but I still played along.

The Nazis gave everyone blue and white striped outfits with different symbols on the shoulders. There was a star of David on the sleeve of mine. I also noticed there was a number on the back of my shirt and on the back of everyone else’s. My number was 143. I put on the clothes thinking they would be too tight, but they were actually a bit loose. 

We were all given a place where we would sleep. There were multiple small beds that were stacked on top of each other. This is where we were supposed to sleep. I was thankful now that I was kind of small. I could probably fit in it. 

I got on one of the few beds that had a blanket. I lay down and roll myself almost as tight as I can and I cover myself with the blanket. I thought about today. The ride on the train, the walk to the camp, and the humiliating process of getting in. I feel like now, I’ve lost my dignity and probably don’t even look like me anymore. I closed my eyes and drifted to sleep.

We were woken up by a Nazi. He ordered everyone to wake up and get ready for the day. We had to be done in 30 minutes, unless we wanted to be punished. I was tired, wondering what time it was. Looking out a window that was across the room, I saw that it was still dark. How early was it? I shook my head, slightly angry at myself for getting distracted. Quickly, I got dressed. I didn’t want to get in trouble. I also worked on making my bed. I didn’t know exactly how the Nazis wanted it, so I just looked at an unused bed near me for reference. 

After I finished making my bed, I went down to have breakfast. The Nazis gave me a small slice of bread. It wasn’t a lot, but it was still something. I tore the slice in half, putting one half in my pocket and slowly eating the other half. I wasn’t trying to stall. I just wanted to taste food again. The bread tasted a bit stale, but it wasn’t moldy. I was thankful.

I suddenly remembered that I was supposed to be helping clean the barracks. I walked quickly, almost running, to the barracks. When I got there, there were about 20 people cleaning. It looked pretty decent, but I figured the Nazis were probably picky people. I looked around asking myself What could be improved? I saw a smudge on the wall. I grabbed some cleaning supplies and tried to get it off. At first, the smudge stayed there, but after a bit, it started to come off.

When I got the smudge off of the wall, I stood up and walked around. I didn’t know where the supplies went, so I followed people that also had cleaning supplies and put mine where they put theirs. I looked around with nothing to do. I wondered how long until the Nazis said we were done. 

I heard the Nazis call us to go outside, so we all walked outside where it was cold, and we stood in a line. I felt my head start to get wet. It started to rain. I could feel the dirt beneath my feet start to turn into mud. I started to shiver. The rain didn’t help the chilly October breeze. The Nazis started counting us. There was another Nazi counting, too. After a bit, they said something to each other and counted again. Did they get different numbers? I leaned forward a bit and looked left and right at the people in the line. 

There were a lot of us. 

I stood straight again, noticing that my shivering changed. It seemed that it was only the bones inside my body that were shivering and my skin seemed to be used to the cold, even though it was still chilly. I looked up at the sky with my eyes closed, letting the cold raindrops fall on my face. I wanted this to be over. I wanted my old life back.

After a couple of hours, the Nazis finally came up with the correct number. My legs were tired from standing for so long. They assigned some of us work, and others were sent to a family camp with their parents. I was sent to be a test subject of the Germans along with a few other kids. 

I sat in a chair, scared about what would happen after they did whatever tests were needed. They approached with a needle filled with a maroon liquid. They told me to put my arm on the arm of the chair, and so I did. The poke of the needle felt weird and hurt a bit when they put it in my arm. I shut my eyes tightly.  As they injected me with whatever was in the needle, I could feel the needle tugging a bit with my skin and my veins. I could feel warmth and coldness at the same time in my veins. They then removed the needle and I opened my eyes and looked at my arm. I could see the red droplet of blood where the needle poked through. 

I sat in the chair, waiting. I wanted to escape here, but there was a soldier in the corner. If I tried to escape, it wouldn’t have worked. After a few minutes of waiting in the chair, my arm started to get sore and the Germans arrived with another needle. What would it do to me? I thought to myself. 

They approached me and told me to stay still. They poked my arm with the other needle and injected me with a clear-ish liquid. It was cold and stung through my veins. I moved my foot quickly, moving it back and forth while making sure that it didn’t hit the ground. This injection was more painful than the maroon one. What was worse is that they injected it slowly, making the pain last longer. 

We stood outside during the evening roll call. The light breeze and the Nazi’s eyes practically staring into everybodies souls. It chilled me deeply. To the bones. 

That night, I sat on my bed, sore from what was injected into me. Was the maroon liquid in the first needle blood? If so, why did they inject me with it? I looked at my hands, starting to feel tired. I lay down on my side like I did the night before, rolled up almost as tight as I could. I closed my eyes and tried to think of a lullaby that my mom used to sing to me before the war. But I couldn’t think of any. This war is tearing me apart. Piece by piece.

I woke up in the middle of the night with a sharp headache. I had no clue what time it was, and for a second, forgot I was at the camp. I wanted to sneak out and get away from here, but that might not get me anywhere. I might get caught. I was also still sore from the injections. I probably wouldn’t make it that far anyways. I close my eyes again and just hope. Hope that maybe, just maybe, I might make it. 

I woke up to the Nazi again when he was waking all of us up. I still felt groggy and didn’t want to get up. The only thing that motivated me to keep going now was the hope that I might make it and see my parents again. Slowly, I made my bed and went down for breakfast. Today, there was soup. It looked like it was made up of mostly water and few vegetables. But I ate it anyway. When I went to clean the barracks, it looked cleaner than when I went to clean yesterday. The people here either just worked quicker and more efficiently today, or maybe I took too long. 

We stood in the cold, wet mud during roll call. I was thankful for the shoes they had given us, even though there weren't any socks to go with them. Without the shoes, my feet would probably be sinking in the cold mud. I was still tired and didn’t want to stand for a few hours, but I knew I couldn't let myself fall. I didn’t think the soldiers would like it, even if it was because I couldn’t stand up. 

While they counted us, I looked at the night sky. There were no clouds and very little light. I could see a few of the stars and constellations: The northern star, Orion’s belt, the seven stars of Pleiades, and more.They were beautiful and shining brightly in the night sky. It reminded me of when I was younger. Some nights, my parents would take me outside late at night to see the stars. Tears filled my eyes as I remembered this. I still looked up, my vision blurring with tears. The stars and sky blended in with each other, making a beautiful, dark shade of blue. I closed my eyes, letting tears roll down my cheeks. 

When the sky was red and orange and blue from the crack of dawn, we were sent to go where we worked or were tested. I started walking to the same place I went yesterday. I couldn’t quite remember where it was, so I just looked for places I remembered and walked near them. I looked up at the sky, but low enough where some ground was still visible. The sky was now a light blue with some yellow around the sun.

When I got to the testing place, they had me sit in the same chair I did yesterday. They approached me with another needle. This time, it was empty. They stuck the needle in my arm, and they drew my blood. It felt kind of weird losing blood. I had imagined that I would’ve passed out, but I didn’t. I was just slightly light-headed. The people that were testing me left the room. 

After a while, they came back into the room. They had another needle with the clear-ish liquid. They injected me with it, like they did yesterday. Again, I could feel the cold stinging in my veins. I clenched my teeth together at what was still an unusual feeling. 

At around 6 pm, we went back to the front of the barracks. We had to do an evening roll call, but I was weak. I didn’t think I’d be able to stand the whole time, but I knew I had to. As they counted us and re-counted us, I looked at the people around me. They were different from the people who were around me last night and this morning. It was chilly again, like this morning and last night. When I looked up at the sky, I saw a beautiful array of colors. Starting from the sun on the horizon, there was orange, yellow, light green, light blue, and dark blue.

Thankfully, roll call didn’t take as long as it had the first time. By 8 pm, we were in the barracks with about 1 hour of freetime. I saw people bartering with each other for food and to fix their clothes. Suddenly, I realized how hungry I was, and I remembered the bread from yesterday’s breakfast. I pulled it out of my pocket. It was kind of dirty and smushed a bit, but it was food. I took a small bite from the clean part of it. It was stale, but not bad. I took another, larger bite. I could feel the satisfaction in my stomach. It wasn’t filling, but I wasn’t starving much anymore. Honestly, I think the fact that there was some dirt on it made me lose my appetite. At least I wasn’t going to bed hungry. 

I felt someone poke me on my shoulder. Startled, I jumped and turned around to see who it was. It was the girl I saw a few days ago in the cattle car. I recognized the way her green eyes were. She looked different without her silky hair.

“Hello 143,” she started, slightly yelling so that I could hear her. “I noticed your pants were wearing out.” I looked down. Surely enough, my blue-and-white-striped pants were torn beneath the knee. I looked back up at her. On her shirt was a number. She was 097. In her hands, I saw her holding sewing supplies.

“Are you offering to fix my pants?” I asked.

“I would rather trade,” she said, bluntly. I noticed that she glanced at the bread in my hand.

“You’ll fix my pants if I give you my bread,” I said.

“Yeah,” she answered. “Basically.”

I gave her my bread and sat on a bed, with my legs extended so she could sew the tear in my pants back together. She put the bread in her pocket and took out her supplies. I saw her carefully put the thread in the eye of the needle. I watched her as she smoothly poked through each side of the tear. Back and forth, back and forth. At the end of the tear, she pulled the thread tight. I watched as the tear quickly closed together. She tied the ends to make sure it  would hold for a while.

“Done,” she said, smiling at me. 

I smiled back. “Thanks.”

“No problem.”

Weaker than yesterday, I tried my best to climb to my bed. Surprisingly, I made it, but the blanket was gone. I frowned, disappointed. But I still lay down, rolled up. Not as tight as I was the first night and yesterday, but it was still enough to fit. I closed my eyes, feeling weaker and weaker, even though I was doing nothing but laying down. Then, I remembered. I remembered a lullaby my mom would sing to me every night. I tried to listen to it, her voice in my head.

Go to sleep, go to sleep 

close your blue eyes 

if you close your blue eyes 

you’ll cuddle up to me

Even though this was just a memory of my mom’s voice, it was enough to make me happy.

Go to sleep, go to sleep 

you little falcon 

when you grow 

we’ll go to the field

It reminded me of a warm evening when my mom and I went into the grassy fields. There were no clouds. Just the bright blue sky, the chirping of the birds, and the smell of fresh flowers blooming.

Rock and rock 

lime tree cradle 

Oh, sonny girl, let 

the cot put you to sleep

I noticed my breaths getting shallower and shallower. The lights in the barracks turned off as I remembered the last stanza.

Rock and rock 

from side to side 

and I’ll weave for you 

a rue wreath

It was hard for me to breathe now. The smile and happy feeling was now wiped away and replaced with the feeling of sadness and being scared. I could tell I was nearing death, or at least walking in the valley of the shadows of it. Tears rolled from my eyes, across my nose and across my cheek. 

I took another breath, knowing it might be my last. I held it, thinking of everything. My mom, my dad, the good, and the bad. I should embrace it, because it’s not worth living a life in the past. We need to move forward in our lives. 

I breathed out.

To be continued…