Dear Diary | Teen Ink

Dear Diary

April 18, 2023
By KylieS2004, Luck, Wisconsin
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KylieS2004, Luck, Wisconsin
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Today was a great day spent with my friends and my dad. We explored the city today, tried out new restaurants, and even found an underground arcade. The noise of the pinball machine brings back memories from when I was a kid running around the arcade with my dad to the noise of the popcorn machine making me feel warm and at home having a movie night with both of my parents. I love spending time with the people close to me especially my dad and my friends, it always feels like we never run out of things to talk about.
One of the things that I like to do is write down quotes that inspire me or just make me feel good. Here are some of my favorites:
- "Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle." - Christian D. Larson
- "I am unhinged unworthy and distasteful to almost everyone I meet however I am loyal to a fault to anyone I find kindness in I do not and will not fear tomorrow because I feel as if today has been enough, and I got no hate in my heart for anything or anyone.” - Zach Bryan
- "Be the change you wish to see in the world." - Mahatma Gandhi
-“I know I want to always do the best I can.” - Adam Sandler
I find that reading these quotes every day helps me stay motivated and focused on my goals.
Today was also special because my dad came along with us. He's been working a lot lately, so it was nice to have him with us. We went to this new restaurant that had just opened up in town, and the food was amazing. My dad even tried something new, which was surprising because he's usually pretty picky.
Overall, today was a great day, and I'm grateful for the time I got to spend with my father and best friends.🤍

Goodnight Diary!

Today was supposed to be the perfect day. I got to spend the whole day with my dad doing all sorts of fun adventures. We went hiking in the mountains, had a picnic by the lake, and even went to an amusement park. It was the best day ever. But then, everything changed. On our way home, I was so tired and fell asleep, I remember feeling a jolt, opening my eyes, and seeing my dad push me back into the seat. Then everything went black. When I woke up, I was in a hospital bed with my dad next to me. He was hooked up to all sorts of machines, and tubes were coming out of his nose and mouth. I felt so scared and alone. The nurse came in
“You are going to have to rest for a few days you have a pretty aggressive concoction and a broken arm,” she said
“But what about my dad? When can he come home?” As I asked the nurse looked at me and slouched down I knew this wouldn't be good news.
“Your father is not doing well he is in a coma we don’t think he will wake up, there is a very low chance he will make it home, but we are doing everything we can to help him.” as she was talking I saw her mouth moving but no words coming out. I didn't know what to do. All I could do was cry.
"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle," I repeat this quote to my dad every chance I get just so he knows I'm here and that he can do anything and get through anything.
I don't know how long we were in the hospital for. It felt like an eternity. Every day, I would sit by my dad's bedside, talking to him and begging him to wake up. But he never did. The doctors said that he had suffered too much damage to his brain and that he would never wake up.

I don't know where to start. Everything feels so overwhelming and confusing. My father passed away a few weeks ago and I still can't believe it. He was my rock, my person, and my best friend. Now he's gone and I feel lost in this world.
I've been writing in this diary since I was 10 years old. It's always been a safe space for me to pour out my feelings and thoughts. But lately, even that doesn't seem to help. I feel so alone.
My mom is trying her best to be there for me, but she's dealing with her own grief. She cries herself to sleep every night and I can hear her sniffling in the morning. But I also feel us drifting apart, we have small fights here and there, and they are getting more aggressive each time.
School feels like a chore. I used to love learning, but now I can't even focus on my classes. My grades are slipping and I don't know how to fix it. I used to talk to my dad about everything, but now I'm left with only my thoughts.

I miss him so much. I miss his silly jokes and his warm hugs. I miss how he would always know what to say to make me feel better. I can still hear his voice in my head.

I don't know where to begin. My life has been a rollercoaster of emotions lately. It's been a few months since my dad passed away and things have been difficult. I miss him so much, and I feel like I'm drowning in my grief.
Lately, my relationship with my mom has been strained. We fight all the time, and I just want to get away from her. I've even thought about running away. But I know that's not the answer.
“Kyla why are you still in your room, your supposed to be down here doing dishes you know I have to go to work and I have no clean water bottles to take to work.”
“Clean them yourself I didn't dirty them nor do I need to use them so why should I be the one to clean them.” as I yell back to her all I can do is sink into my bed even farther hoping I disappear from this world of torcher.
I’m sorry diary but I need to go talk later.

The author's comments:

The dates will slowly disappear as she goes on through her depressive state. 

It's been a while since I last wrote in here. A lot has happened since then, and it feels like my life has completely fallen apart. I miss my dad so much, and it's been hard to cope with his loss.

Sometimes, I wish I could end my life so that I could see and talk to him again. I know it sounds crazy, but the thought of being able to communicate with him again gives me comfort. It's hard to accept that he's gone and that I won't be able to see him again in this life.

Everything feels so different without him here. The house is quieter, and there's a certain emptiness that can't be filled. I miss his laughter, his hugs, and his voice. It's hard to imagine life without him, and I wish he could have stayed for just a little longer.

I know that he's still with me in spirit, but it's not the same. I wish I could see him and talk to him like we used to. Some days it feels like the pain will never go away, and I'll never be able to move on.

There are so many things that I hate right now. I hate the way my mom is acting, I hate the fact that she has a new boyfriend, and I hate that she seems to be forgetting about my dad.

Ever since my dad passed away, things have been really tough. My mom and I used to be really close, but lately, it feels like we're drifting apart. We argue about everything, from what I'm wearing to what I'm eating. It's like she's always looking for a reason to pick a fight with me.

And then there's her new boyfriend. I don't like him at all. He's always around, and it feels like he's trying to replace my dad. I know that's not fair, but I can't help feeling that way. I miss my dad so much, and it hurts to see my mom moving on so quickly.

I feel like my mom is forgetting about my dad. She doesn't talk about him anymore, and she's started taking down pictures of him around the house. It's like she's trying to erase him from our lives, and I can't stand it.
I wish things could go back to the way they were before my dad died.

I’m losing track of the days, my mom has stopped talking to me and I have lost most of my friends. Life just really sucks, I have no motivation to get out of bed in the mornings. Every day I wish to be with my father again one more conversation, a hug, or just a wave. Being without him Has made me realize life is short and things can disappear in seconds.

I wish that I could disappear and be with him again. I want to be able to talk to my father and see him again.

Being around my mother makes me want to die even more she makes me feel so low and tiny. I feel as if there's no one left in this world to care for me. Loneliness has overtaken my body and I've lost all track of time. I feel as if I can't be in this world anymore without my father…
Goodbye, I will see you later diary.

“This is Kayla's mother, it's her birthday today. I found this diary under her bed with pictures of her father in it while I was cleaning her room. I thought I would talk to you for a little bit and let you know what’s going on. Kayla has decided to leave to visit her father for a while in heaven. She left around a week ago and will not return. After reading you I felt as if I've failed as a mother and did not realize she was in this much pain. If I would have seen I would have helped but I have been so busy with my life I didn't realize, I didn't put her first and that was my fault I had lost myself in grief and loneliness that I didn't realize she was in the same boat. As I know I have failed my husband and my daughter I am going to live through them and keep their spirits alive they deserve the world. I will miss her every day and will not forgive myself until I meet her again.”

 

Contact #988 If you are having any negative thoughts or thoughts about harming yourself.



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