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Alien Queen

January 17, 2019
By Derpyomama, Provo, Utah
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Derpyomama, Provo, Utah
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"You wanna do it, then do it" -Me

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Alien Queen

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This book has 1 comment.

Awesomesauceme said...
on Jan. 26 2019 at 3:10 pm
Awesomesauceme, White Rock, Columbia
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments
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Your story's good, but it's hard to read. You're supposed to create a new paragraph each time a new character speaks, and also when a new subject is introduced. You mostly forget these rules, which makes your paragraphs lengthy, filled with too many subjects, and too hard to digest in general. Your story is genuinely interesting, but it's hard to show it when it's is so hard to read. Good luck!