hey

thanks for the comment and I know my grammer skills are atrosious (i probably misspelled that word). Anyway thanks

also I know I said I would comment on your story but I'm still a little unsure on how to find it

Hm.  As far as content and what's actually happening, this has a lot of potential.  I kind of wish that there was a little more description and thought process on the main character's part.

When it comes to grammar and spelliing--the stuff teachers call 'conventions'--you need some work.  I caught a few typos ('bite' instead of 'bit', etc.) that one read-through with a red pen should fix.

You also have very few, if any, commas.  When you're writing, imagine yourself saying the phrases.  Anywhere within the sentence that you would pause, you put a comma.  (there are a few set rules, concerning coordinating conjunctions and all that jazz, but it's a pain to remember.) 

You had a few run on sentences that could be easily fixed by adding commas, periods, and other sentence-enders.  A good example of this is your sentence "I know right how cheesy but these...".  Reading that, it all comes out in one slur, and makes no sense.  It should be written like: "I know, right?  How cheesy.  But these..."

There're also some odd word choices you've made here.  i.e.  'disillusioned', which means "to free from or deprive of an illusion".  Did you mean 'dilusional' (having a false opinion or belief)?  There was also your use of the word 'advisory', which is basically means the giving of or containing of advice.  I think you meant 'adversary', another word for opponent.

As far as good things (this list may look shorter, but that's just cuz I'm not going into as much detail), I found the calliing of the antagonist 'Mr. Villian' pretty funny, and a good tension reliever.  I also like the main character's voice.  Very strong--like I said at the beginning of this comment, I just want more.  I want to know every thought that goes through her head.  That way, I can get to know her like a real person.

If you would like a full list of my edits and stuff, let me know and I'll see if there's a way to get my edit-coverd Word document to you.

Great job!  This story has great potential!