Sometimes I feel
Like I wanna leave this place for good
Under the ground
I’ll live down there without a sound.
And never hear these hissing voices all the same
I’ll disappear cause living makes me feel ashamed.


The words of the choir’s new song selection strummed through the room.

People like me and Chelsea stayed to the back, humming the low notes that stayed in the song’s background.

A gloomy choice of a song I had to admit, but a beautiful one at that.

Chelsea was more into this speed of music. Alternative music she called it.

A lot of her could be considered alternative.

“Alright people, that was a wonderful practice!” The choir director checked her watch. “I want you all to get home before the weather gets too bad! Lord knows how crazy things can get in Lake Haven!”

The choir director was already gathering up her bag and heading out the door as people put away their sheet music.

“Leave it to our parents to force us to live in the most eventful small town in the history of the U.S!” Chelsea griped.

Her natural blonde tangles hung in beautiful golden locks down the front of her shoulders. Chelsea’s hair was actually a natural blonde unlike the millions of girls who got their hair coloring from a bottle.

It was one of the things I liked most about her physically. It gave me yet another mental notion to be reminded that she wasn’t one of those fake people.

Even if she wanted to chop it into a pixie cut despite my protests.

“Leave it to you to keep so many tabs on our town.” I teased back.

Chelsea reached over and ruffled my head of thick black hair. I internally cursed her since my hair already had enough of a hard time staying tidy without someone messing it up.

“God, if you weren’t so cute I’d probably kick your ass.” She hopped down from the stage and walked with me up the auditorium’s aisle. “And it’s not keeping tabs if TIME magazine did an entire article on our town. It’s freaking insane!”

“Why? Because your parents forced you to move here from California?”

Chelsea rolled her eyes.
She’d moved here a little less than two years ago from California after a messy divorce involving her parents. She ended up in the custody of her dad while her mother lived in Napa Valley with her new husband.

We were best friends.

“Whatever. Are you coming over my house today or not? I need some company seeing that my dad is at another art exhibit out of town. We could have a movie marathon?”

Luckily it was Friday and that meant I could spend the night over her house if I wanted to, emphasis on the “if”.

“Chelsea, you know your house is-“

We were already walking down the hallway.

“I know! I know!” Chelsea ranted. “My house is near the woods and the cliff and all that other crap! I’m sorry okay? I can’t help the real estate weirdness in this town!”

She was already walking ahead of me and still talking until she realized I’d stopped mid hallway.

She turned to see me, softness in her brown eyes already.

“Max, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-“

I shook the tears from my eyes, forcing a smile. “Ah, it’s okay. I’m fine. I just gotta head to my locker for some books. I’ll meet you by your car then, we’ll go to your house?”

She seemed half satisfied and half ashamed as I rushed off past her down the hall.

Chelsea could be the sweetest person in the world, but even she had her slip ups sometimes. I guess I was used to it.

Plus, I didn’t feel like exactly being alone tonight.

I got to my locker on the east side of the school and twirled the code in on the lock. A few books went into my backpack and I closed the locker again.

“But, we can’t worry about whether or not it’ll work. We have to try!”

A voice was whispering around the corner to someone else.

I went over to the corner, carefully listening.

“But, it won’t be the right time! You know that! We’ve talked about this!”

“I don’t care! I’m tired of waiting, okay? Is it so wrong that I want things to be over now! That I want some peace!”

The conversation stopped as a throat cleared and I revealed myself, walking past the two male figures who had been talking.

I noticed them as students from 12th grade, but they weren’t anyone I’d been particularly close to.

“Bye Max.”

“See ya later, Max.”

I wished I could say I wanted to know how they knew my name, but from the way they hung their heads low and gave those tiny sympathetic smiles I already knew.

Everyone in our school and most definitely my grade had known about what had happened the summer after freshman year. All sorts of rumors in the town circulated about who or why.

But, Lake Haven was infested with all sorts of rumors.

So, I kept on walking and ignored the boys behind me as I prepared from my Friday night with Chelsea.

Maybe she’d take my mind off things.

It was after practice and somehow I still wasn’t ready to go home yet.

So, instead Chase and I ended up chowing down at Rusty’s Pizza Shack which was just east of Lake Haven’s usually frozen pond.

The floor was checkered black and white tile and the pizza was a rare delicacy in a town of this nature.

“So, what was the deal with your freakout during practice, dude?”

Chase liked to question me on these things. It didn’t usually slide with most other people, but he was my bro, so I allowed it.

Chase was a guy with floppy blonde curls that hung around his ears. His hair was something he threatened to never change, even when his mother nagged at him about it.

He never cleaned his room either.

His square jaw chomped down on the pizza as the freckles on his face jiggled. The tree branches outside still wobbled and I knew we’d have to end up getting home soon.

“Hey dude. Can I crash at your place tonight? My house is all the way across town and I bet my cell isn’t working. Plus my mom is probably pissed I didn’t clean my room.”

The pizza was getting a little too greasy for my taste and I set the sausage and cheese slice down.

“Sure dude. My dad won’t care. He’s all for the more guys over.”

My dad had a habit of Friday night poker with his other buddies in the town. Come Saturday morning my house usually smelled of cigarette smoke and beer and my friends always had some great story to tell if they happened to have been in my house that night.

“Sweet! I remember the last time I came over that one guy got drunk and ate all the lemons! So weird!”

I quietly chuckled at Chase and sank back into my seat again.

It would probably be a tiny battle in the winds outside since we’d used our bikes to get here, but my house was only a few minutes away.

“But, come on. Tell me what’s wrong?” Chase directed his dark hazel eyes at me and I exhaled.

There was just something about Chase that made me tell him this type of stuff, stuff I usually wouldn't tell other people.

“I think I heard his voice out there. I was running, but I could’ve sworn I heard his voice.”

I looked over the restaurant which was almost completely empty except for one or two patrons.

“Whose voice? What are you talking about?” Chase seemed more interested than ever and I had to think for a while before I was able to try and say the name.

"I think I heard I-"

“Hey Chase! Hey Kyle!” A high pitched voice came through the door.

Chase rolled his eyes and let his head fall to the table. “Someone kill me now.”

Abby was our grade’s Always Happy girl. She was slightly chubbier with thick arms and skin that gave her a rubbery and sort of red look.

Her hair was always slanged back in a red ponytail and she loved to wear denim jumpers. She never failed to have a smile on her face. Her perky nature was the one thing I liked about her most.

Not often you find people on the constant up side of life.

Everyone else in town didn’t care for her much due to her tendency to have a regular crush to fawn after, but we had been close once.

We still had that strange bond.

Her crush of the week was Chase and he hated it.

Abby’s friend, Marissa was here too.

“Hey guys.” Marissa greeted.

Marissa was a sultry girl with sun tanned Italian skin and hair as black as anyone could imagine that sank down to her shoulders. Chase was often known to drool over her curves and electric green eyes.

She was pretty hot.

Chase lifted his head up, smiling. “Hey Marissa.”

“So guys! Marissa and I are planning a secret get together later! It’s gonna be super fun!” Abby was practically jumping up and down.

Marissa bit her lip and stood next to Abby. “You guys wanna come?”

Marissa’s eyes went to me for a short second then, she blushed.

Chase threw his hand across the table and patted my shoulder. “Of course we’ll come girls! We’d love to be the life of the party for you two! Where’s it gonna be?”

Abby let out a nervous giggle through her braces and looked at me for a short awkward moment. “It’s gonna be about 5 minutes into the woods behind the grocery store….”

All of their eyes went on me and my mind seemed to go in a haze.

The party was going to be in the woods…?

“Well, we’ll definitely consider it ladies! It was nice talking to you! See ya Marissa!” Chase gave his usual jock wave as the girls left.

My mind was still playing all sorts of memories.

Chase turned to me, desperate. “Dude, I know this may be difficult, but Marissa wants me! Did you see the way she eyed me and bit her lip?! That was totally hot and I have to have my chance to tonight! I know you talk about me being a whore and all, but I actually like Marissa!”

Chase liked to ramble.

“What about Abby? She likes you.”

Chase rolled his eyes. “Come on, dude. For all I know, you may be a better fit for her than I am! You’ve gotta come with me! I need support tonight!”

And suddenly I couldn’t believe I had considered telling him the voice I’d heard when I’d run off the path while we’d been practicing.

“Chase, I’ll consider it. In the meanwhile, can we get to my house before this whole town gets blown off the map?”

Chase nodded disappointedly and we walked outside to our bikes.

It was stupid for Chase to even ask me such a favor.

I would never go to those woods unless I was running.

Running was the only thing I was good at, even if it sometimes made me feel ashamed.

I crammed my hands over my ears as the chip bag fell to the floor. “Ugh! Chelsea, stop singing! My ears are bleeding!” But, she kept on singing into the Wii microphone that only recorded pitch NOT her actual words. I’d tried to tell her this a million times, but she wouldn’t listen. She heaved her hands into the air and screamed. “High score! 300! I’m a Superstar!” Chelsea hopped up and down readily. I just snuggled deeper into the couch. The house was sort of dark seeing that the time was nearing 7 pm. “Okay, so what do you want to do now?” she asked me expectantly. I just reached my hands further under my arms and closed my eyes. “Actually, I wanna go to sleep…” Her hand slapped onto my shoulder. “Max, you’re such an old man! Open up those pearly blue eyes of yours. We need to have fun!” I opened my eyes, secretly scared she’d see the pain in them and she did.Her shoulders slumped and she fell next to me on the couch. “Max, tell me what’s wrong. Please.” I just took the deepest breath in and concentrated on the warm cream paint of the ceiling. “I just miss him so much sometimes it hurts and two years is way too long without him.” Her brown eyes just stared at me. “It’s okay to miss him. You loved him, right?” God I had loved him. I’d loved Ian with all my heart. I’d loved every single thing about him in the sickest sort of ways. It was sick because now that he was gone and my heart was shattered. “I’m so f*ing cliché. I hate this.” I struggled to not let the tears wobble from my eyes. “I just wish I could have made him happy.” Over the past two years, I’d somehow resided to the fact that Ian had committed suicide that night. Even if I wanted to believe otherwise, a heart could only hope for so long. And yet, I was still torn. “You can’t help some things, Max. You just can’t. Like you feeling sad. It's after New Year's. It happened in the summer. The feelings are creeping in..” I leaned over to my side and let my head fall onto her shoulder. “Thanks Chelsea. You’re the best.” Actually, Chelsea was one of the few people in this town who didn’t act fake. She was unbiased. She’d moved here after it had happened. “Do you want me to order some more pizza from Rusty’s?” I declined. “Nah. Rusty’s is probably closed, if not trying to survive the night of this wind storm.” As if my words were a cue, something hard and heavy hit the side of the house with a deafening boom. This was normal in Chelsea’s house and a lot of homes in Lake Haven, more likely here because she lived near the woods and tree branches had a way of flying off their limbs. “Well, I have another idea…” Chelsea's voice reached that high pitched manner that it always had when she was going to suggest a something bad along with her playing with my hair. “What is it this time?” I said. “I know some kids who are throwing a party behind the grocery store tonight. It’s supposed to be way dangerous and filled with alcohol?” I guess she easily forgot my fear of the woods. “No Chelsea. I’m not going out into the woods. That’s insane.” I leaned myself back up to sitting position. “Max, please! I really need some good old teenage fun and a party is perfect!” “And what am I? Chopped liver? If you wanna go so bad, go without me.” I snapped back. She was beginning to annoy me. She glared at me instead. “Now Max, remember I’m your wife. I’m not going anywhere without you-“ “I’m gay, Chelsea! Have you forgotten that?!” That got Chelsea to break out into hysterics seeing that she’d playfully set me off and even I had to let out a few laughs at the moment as well. Things between me and her weren’t always perfect, but we fit together messily somehow. It’s what made us so interesting. “Alright dude, let’s just watch some movies. You choose.” I sauntered over the glass BluRay stand near the high definition flat screen television. Chelsea’s living room was a sunken in one of white fur carpeting and strobe lights above. “We could watch Halloween or Devil or… Bratz? No, take out Bratz. That was one of the worst movies in the world.” I had seen Bratz with Ian one weekend. “What about something with action? I’m feeling the need for some shirtless men.” I laughed at her reasoning and chose an action movie anyway. Once it was in, Chelsea started to talk in a low hum. She did this sometimes when she noticed how deathly silent her house could be sometimes. There was always someone in my house. “My dad bought this movie on Black Friday a few years back before the divorce.” Her head snuggled into my shoulder and I lifted the blanket so it rested over us. Chelsea sometimes seemed really sad about her family situation considering she’d had a boyfriend back in California who she’d just adored. They’d tried to keep the long distance thing going, but a few months in they decided to break up. I stayed over her house that entire weekend. Her dad was away on another art expo and she’d needed the company more than ever. “We don’t even have a WalMart in this town to have a Black Friday at. The nearest one’s a 30 minute highway ride away.” Chelsea laughed. “Everything important is a 30 minute highway ride away. We should thank our lucky stars there’s a hospital and police station in this town. Lake Haven is so cut off.” “Do you miss California or your mom, Chelsea?” I felt her shoulder shrug as the movie started. “Sometimes I think I do, like that was my home with my brother and sister and Mom, but things change like hell. I can’t really miss it, you know?” I did know. You lived one day at a time when there’s things eating away at your heart. “But, I miss my mom’s cakes. She was the best baker in Napa Valley. I loved Red Velvet.” That got me to smile. So, that’s why she’d arranged that school bake sale last year. “Remember when we had that Banana Cream Pie fight last year?” She giggled. “Yeah, you threw a pie and it hit Connor Davis in the face. Everyone thought he was gonna hit you and instead he laughed and threw one back.” I’d remembered that. It had gotten me and Connor in a sort of mutual politeness thing. Before that we’d hated each other for some strange reason. “You know I think Connor is bisexual?” I almost coughed on my own spit. “Wow, why?!” She reached over the blanket and took a sip of her water on the coffee table. “I was at a party and I saw him kissing some guy on the back patio. The boy must’ve had some stuff to drink cause I’d seen that kid before and he was all for the girls.” My mind snarled at the possibility of Connor Davis being bisexual. He was head quarterback and fawned after by half of the student body. But, I reminded myself sexuality was a very fluent thing. I guess it was the fact we’d hated each other before that made it so weird. The movie went on with Chelsea and I’s conversation slowly drifting away to the past and weird memories. “Max…” Chelsea’s speech was soft and I could tell we were both falling asleep beneath the blanket we shared. “Yeah, Chels?” “You’re my best friend. No one’s been nice to me like you have.” My chest purred up and down as I tried to close my cloud blue eyes. “Why’s that?” “People at my school in California hated me. They teased me…” And just like that our night ended, we both fell asleep there. Something told me we’d always be able to trust each other and in my experience that was a hard thing to come by.

The bunk bed in my room was a comfortable place for me to grow up. Being an only child growing up, your room usually became your refuge.

Large, spacious, with a large dresser alone on wall, poster cluttered wall on the other, miniature basketball hoop on the other, and 80’s rug on the floor, I remember a lot of things from here.

Coming home from preschool, sprawling out all my homework excitedly on the floor and coloring.
2nd grade and playing with action figures with my best friend in the world while my parents argued outside the door. Being yelled at by my dad after the huge fight at school in the 5th grade.

Then, my mother telling me the news that my best friend's body had been found along the rocks of Thor's Teeth after that summer's infamous party.

Now, it was just me and Chase hanging out.

“Ah, three pointer! Future NBA star dodges past the line and…” Chase ducked his way past me and lobbed the ball to the hoop. “shoots the game winning shot! SCOREEE!”

Laughter was bursting through my lips as I doubled over.

Chase picked up the ball. “See? I always said I could kick your ass at any game!”

He tossed the ball to me and I threw it from hand to hand.

“Dude, that was the first basket since we started playing. I’ve gotta get my muscles warmed up before I destroy!”

“Haha! Won this round boys! You guys owe me some beer!” My father was busy downstairs with his poker buddies.

I’d already warned Chase about walking too far into the hallway or he’d inhale the smoke from cigars.

Technically my dad wasn’t supposed to be smoking. He’d told my mom a few months ago he’d gone cold turkey.He paid me $20 every Poker Night and opened all the doors before Mom came home the next morning.

Poker Night for Dad meant Mom got to spent time with her sister who lived out of town in a facility. Aunt Kelson was mentally disabled and Mom was a die hard sister. I’d visited a few times, but it was obvious it was more of a personal thing for my mother.

“Well, would now be a bad time to get some snacks and start our porn marathon?”

I shoved Chase back. “Dude, gross! And now would a good time to get some food. Come on.”

I made my way out the door and down into our wooden paneled hallway. Photos from my childhood hung on the wall as well.

“What’s wrong with porn?” he asked

I laughed. “Nothing is wrong with porn. Watching it with you is what’s gross. That’s not normal.”

We jogged our way down the stairs and Chase started to cough on the smoke in the air. I guess I’d gotten used to secondhand smoke wrecking my lungs, but then again I was an athlete so I could handle it.

Our first floor had tan colored wallpaper all over. A lot of the houses in Lake Haven were built in the 80’s. Only the newer homes or the ones that had been renovated had more modern styles.
My house was in 80’s style with columns along the walls and a large facing window that showed to the front yard.

My dad’s usual poker table stood in the center of the living room with the 6 men around it. Cigars and beers either were held in their hands or right before them with their cards on the table.

My father sat at the head of the table.

I guess I was glad to say the only features I shared from him were my dark eyes. Everything else like my brown locks of soft hair, healthy body, naturally white smile, and dimples came from my mother.

I loved my mom.

“Haha! Kyle, my son, come over here and watch real men show some power!”

My father was a man of a chubbier figure, heavy arms that held fingers like sausages. His black hairs along his head and arms were beginning to turn gray. My mother said he’d been a lot more handsome in his younger years.

Now he seemed to be working a regular three day a week job at the local steel factory.

Chase and I made our way to the poker table. He was still coughing a bit from the smoke.

“Ah, Chase, you’re not used to smoke? It’s a man’s way of getting some good herbs into his lungs! You wanna try some?” One of Dad’s poker buddies offered his cigar ahead.

Chase shook his head. “No thanks, man. My older sister had lung cancer her second year of college. That stuff kills.”

The men around table all gave disapproving glances. One of my dad’s poker buddies was a man named Grant, he was slightly older and more old fashioned than the rest of my dad’s friends.

“What do you boys do up in that room anyway? I know you had that one friend a few years ago….” Grant turned to the guy next to him. “What was the boy’s name, Hector?”

My heartbeat slowed to crawling pace and Chase could easily see the red creeping up my neck.

“The boy’s name was Ian.”

Grant chuckled, eyes looking to my father for a second. “Ian was his name, I remember. He’s a little feminine if I remember right. A shame God’s wrath came down on him eventually. Suicide is a bad way to go. You burn in hell forever.”

The room went silent.

“You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about old man.” I said.

Grant went on. “I don’t? That’s the problem with you kids these days! Thinking you can experiment with things that the good Lord never intended! That boy had it coming!”

“HE WAS MY BEST FRIEND!” Spit flew from my mouth and red filled my vision. “And you’re a bitter old man!”

Chase grabbed my arm and began to drag me away with the silent living room behind us. I got to the top of the stairs until I punched a hole in the wall.

Even my knuckles started to bleed.

“Dude you need to calm down!” Chase moved me into the bathroom.

“Calm down? That old bastard thinks he can insult Ian?” I cut back. “Something’s wrong with him!”

“Wow, don’t snap at me! I’m trying to help you out. You really need to calm down. You’re fist was practically halfway in the air to punch an elderly man. Do you think that’s reasonable?”

I just rolled my eyes, leaning back into the wall as the blood trickled down my fingers.

“God, I hate my dad.” I whispered.

Chase just sat back into the counter and shrugged. “You wanna go to Marissa’s party?”

“Chase, do you think I seriously wanna go anywhere near the woods right now?”

“Come on. I really like her and I think it could be fun! We can get out the house and-“

“And die along the way by some flying dog biting our faces off? No thanks.” I finished for him.

“There’s gonna be beer and drugs and hot girls wanting guys! It’s perfect for us! What better than some sex to get this stuff off your mind?”

I stared at him squarely. “This stuff is my best friend dying two years ago.”

“Look I’m sorry that I’m not cool enough to live up to Ian. Frankly, I don’t care. I just wanna have some fun tonight, okay?”

“So, go without me.” I said.

“It’s a pair deal. Marissa invited both of us. I can’t go if you’re not there too.”

I guess I felt guilty that Chase was so desperate for this, but I had my reasons for not wanting to go. Lake Haven was notorious for kick ass teenage parties that rarely, but once in a while got busted by the feds.

I sighed. “Okay, we can go to the party, but you owe me…”

Chase smiled and stepped his way out the smallish bathroom and across the hall to my room. “Alright, all I need is some cologne and a box of condo-“

His cell phone started ringing and he picked it up, giving me a sneaky expression.

“Hey Marissa. How’s it going?”

Words must have went into his ears because Chase’s face fell.

“The party’s off? It hasn’t even started yet! Did the cops know about it or something?”

Chase exhaled. “Fine. Okay. Thanks for inviting me. Tell Abby to feel better.”

He tossed the phone down after hanging up and glared at me.

“What happened?” I asked.

Chase closed the door to my room and turned around to talk. “Marissa said Abby called off the thing because she didn’t feel good. She said Abby kicked her out of her house and starting screaming or something.”

I sat down on the couch in corner near my window. “Abby was screaming at her? Did Marissa say why?”

Chase shrugged. “No. She said I should call Abby, that’d I make her feel better.”

“Well, call her! She could be upset!” I got up and went reaching for his cell phone.

He swiped it from my reach. “I’m not calling the girl! She’ll get the wrong idea!”

“Do you realize how stupid you’re being? Abby is known as the Sunshine Up Her Butt girl, don’t you think something can be wrong?”

Chase didn’t respond. He obviously didn’t care.

I snatched the phone from him. “Then, let me call since you’re too much of a prick.”

Chase raised his hands before him. “I’ll gladly let you call her. I don’t wanna talk to the chick who ruined a potentially awesome night for me.”

I dialed away Abby’s cell phone number and let the phone ring to my ears.

“Hello Abby!”

Rustling came into my hearing. “This isn’t Chase. Why are you calling me?”

“Abby, what’s wrong?”

Me and her tended to have a straight forward friendship.

“I’m not talking to you about this. It’s over. I’m done. I can’t handle it anymore.”

Chase was watching me while switching channels on my television.

“You can’t handle what?”

Silence hit the line for the longest while.

“I can’t handle being alone anymore. I’m sorry.” Tears sounded ready to leave her voice when she hung up.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and the high pitched scream came out the television’s speakers.

“What was wrong with Abby?” he asked absently.

I didn’t even answer. All I could think about was the welt of darkness forming in my stomach.

What was wrong with Abby?

Saturday morning held an extremely sticky air. Breakfast with Chelsea had become an event, pancake flipping contests and orange juice being spewed from noses. I stepped outside, taking one of Chelsea’s extra bicycles from her garage.The handlebars were metal and rusted with tape wrapped around them multiple times for relief and friction. I kicked the tires, checking them for air and they seemed fine. I pounded my legs to make my way down the dirt path while having to avoid the wreckage of last night’s storm. Branches and leaves cluttered the roadways, even scraps of metal were here or there. For some reason, I was thankful for the bike. I wouldn’t like to maneuver my way around this stuff with a car. I made it past the south eastern edge of Lake Haven’s woods and began to see the shops and businesses of the town’s center come into view. Everything looked a bloody mess. The last glance at my watch had showed the time to be near 11 am. “Hey, do you need any help?” I asked A man was hunched over the side of the road and staring to something there. He appeared to be in his 30’s. I recognized him as Lenard Trotsky, the husband and co-owner of our town’s grocery store. His salt and pepper stubble moved its way up his jaw and onto the lint covered hat on his head. “I just wish he wasn’t dying. Poor sucker won’t survive the next five minutes.” I hopped off the lime green bike and let it fall to the side of the road. I leaned beside the man and saw the Golden Retriever wheezing in the rough grass. “What happened to him?” The dog’s glossy dark eyes stared up to the sky. Tongue hanging gently from his mouth and lungs leaping shallowly. “Something came along and crushed his ribs, at least three of those things have broken. From what I see, he’s been here all night.” I noticed his pickup truck nearby. Groceries and other things crowded the hauling trunk on its back end. I brought my hand to the dog’s soft fur and swallowed while petting him. “I’m sorry you’re dying. No one deserves to die alone.” “You’re damn right about that.” Lenard said, finally looking at me for the first time with his green eyes. “Hey, you’re Martha’s kid, right? Max?” I nodded. “Yeah. I’m Max Torrez. My mom used to sometimes volunteers at your store for the homeless.” Lenard smiled. “Yes. Yes. I remember her. Wonderful woman. She told me about that friend of yours that died a few years ago.” I cleared my throat. “Boyfriend. Ian was my boyfriend.” To my surprise, the man’s eyebrows didn't rise. “Well regardless, I’m sorry for the loss. God knows I’d fall apart if anything ever happened to my wife.” An awkward silence came over us and Lenard finally propped himself up to a messy stand. “I think I’ll take this boy to the back of my store. I wanna give him a nice burial. All dogs go to heaven.” I smiled, slowly chuckling. “Great movie.” “What?” I backed away as Lenard hauled the dog into his arms. “Nothing. Just something stupid.” “Well, kid, I’ll see you around and tell your mother I said hi.” “I will!” I called back. The tires of his truck kicked the gravel as he drove off. “Funny finding you here.” I turned, seeing the smirk on the boy’s face and sighed. “Not so funny if you ask me. Leave me the hell alone.” His footsteps crackled against the pebbled rocks along the floor. He stood too close now. “We haven’t talked in a while.” I rolled my eyes. “Devan, we hooked up one night at a party. Can you get over it?” Devan was the brooding boy that somehow happened to be in my grade. Pale skin, cold blue eyes, and thin lips. He had a stare that could hold someone for hours. Always quiet and a lone wolf, people usually never noticed him. I’d never noticed him, let alone knew that he liked guys until that night. His teeth bit down to his lower lip and his eyes roamed me overzealously. “I can’t get over a body like yours. How does a choir boy end up being so sexy?” After that night at the party with our brief hookup, I’d begun to have the feeling that someone was constantly watching. The person I’d suspected was Devan. “Well, you can ignore me from now on.” I looked to him. “I’m sorry if I gave you any wrong signals. You’re a nice guy, but I’m not ready for a relationship with anyone.” A smile peeked at his lip’s corners. “Who said I wanted a relationship? What if I want something else?” His hand reached forward and grabbed onto my ass. “Get the f off me!” My hands shoved him away. “Are you insane? I said I don’t want you!” My chest was heaving and all sorts of blood was pumping through me. He just stared back, those eyes of his as cold as ever.That scared me even more. “You’ll see eventually everything I see. And maybe then, you’ll want me.” He left me there and walked back into the apartment he lived in just above the hardware store in our town. I’d never noticed it before, but windows on the second floor of that building held a view exactly to where I was. He’d been watching me from the window. I exhaled and got onto my bike, riding back home. I had more important things than Devan Gray to worry about.

Chase came fumbling his way down the stairs at least 20 minutes later than me.

I’d woken up at 9:14 am. The clock had been right next to the lower bunk bed shelf that I had slept on.

“Hey, what’s up Miss Matthews?” Chase yawned. He’d worn a basketball jersey and shorts to bed.

My mother was scrambling eggs over the stove and flipped them over the skillet.

My mom was a woman of health and warmness with Italian skin to rival most people who thrived in the sun’s mineral for years. She said her mother had moved to America on her 8th birthday.

She was raised to appreciate education and once the opportunity for college came around, she succeeded in gaining her bachelor’s degree in teaching. Once she’d married my dad after she’d met him in her undergraduate senior year, he’d convinced her that he could provide everything for her and her future family.

So, far he had and she said she was still constantly in the love with him.

Personally, I’d never been close to my dad growing up. I was always out the house in the warm summer Lake Haven days, exploring the woods and various abandoned lighthouses with friends or even reveling in the craggy rock beaten beaches.

My mother had the same soft brown hair and healthy body she’d been raised on before coming to America. Many of my friends said she was the hottest of the mothers in Lake Haven’s area. My mother called them crazy.

She smiled at us as she put some eggs on three plates.

“Hey boys, I hope Jerry’s antics didn’t keep you guys up last night.”

Chase and I shared an uneasy look. Actually around 3 am, two of my dad’s friends had gotten into a brawl on the front lawn. My dad had rushed to clean up the house and get the smell out with an hour to spare before my mom came home at 7 am.

“It was just as boring as ever.” I concluded to her with a smile.

My mother smiled back at me then, ruffled my hair before sprinkling a few herbs over the scrambled eggs. “Well, I’m glad then. Can you pour some orange juice for all of us, Kyle?”

I got up and walked over the stainless steel fridge, one of the only new appliances we were actually lucky enough to have in our house besides the washing machine downstairs.

I took out the glass pitcher and poured the cold juice into three cups. We ate at the kitchen island, Chase, my mother, and I.

“Where’s your dad?” my mom asked.

I was too busy chewing the seasoned and warm eggs to answer.

Chase answered instead. “He said he went to get some lumber, that he wanted some wood for the fireplace in case the power goes out in another windstorm.”

My mother’s eyebrows rose. “Lumber, huh? That man hasn’t cut down a tree since he was 13 and he said even then it was pure luck. I’d like to videotape him getting some lumber today.”

“I bet he’s buying it down at the Hardware store right now.” I cracked.

That got my mother to her usual joyous laugh. “Oh Kyle, stop it. You know how angry your father gets when you make fun of him.”

I rolled my eyes out of her view. “When I make fun of him, Mom? You should really meet some of his poker buddies. They’re a bunch of old creepers.”

I picked a napkin up off of the linoleum counter and heard the mailman deliver some things into our mailbox outside.

Silence sort of came.

“What happened this time?” my mother’s voice sounded a bit past tired.

“Well, one of your husband’s friends mentioned Ian and…” Chase’s voice trailed off as he set his fork down to his plate.

“He did not! Which one?!” My mother whipped her head to me. “I’m going to have to have a talk with your father about those men!”

“Mom, I’m sorry.” I mumbled.

“Sorry for what?”

My hand reached for the back of my neck. “I punched a hole in the wall upstairs after… you know.”

My mother’s brown eyes softened on me, hands still on the counter. “I guess its okay. Me and you did always share that temper of ours. I’ll call Trudy’s husband to help us out.”

Trudy was one of my mom’s friends in town. Her husband was a carpenter.

My mother’s hand rubbed against my back. “And Kyle, don’t worry about what people say about Ian. He was a great boy. I always saw that. Your father did to, but...”

“Dad’s homophobic, I know.”

I guess my dad wasn’t homophobic to the extreme degree, but he somehow always managed to narrow his eyes whenever someone of a different sexuality came around. That’s why I used to hang out at Ian’s house all the time.

“And I’ll finish these eggs right after I pick up the mail from outside.” My mother hopped down from her stool and walked past the living room to the front door.

“Dude, your mom is way cooler than mine. She would’ve freaked if I’d left a hole in a wall while she was gone.”

I half smiled at Chase and forced down the rest of the orange juice after biting into a piece of toast. The house phone went ringing and my mom went to answer.

“Oh hello Miss Willard!” My mom greeted into the phone.

My ears went into Eavesdrop Mode.

Willard was Abby's last name.

“Wait, you said what happened to your daughter? She did what? Oh God, I’m so sorry for the loss! I’ll have to- I’ll visit you very soon. I give you my condolences.”

The receiver hit the base and my breathing dropped to nearly deathly rates. Chase was breathing slowly a stool away from me, not eating either.

My mother came over, not sitting to her stool, but standing in front of us on the other side of the island.

“What was the call about?” I wasn’t even sure if it was my voice asking the question, but my lips moved anyway.

My mother’s lips crunched together for the shortest moment and that same pitiable look I’d recognized from two years before crossed her eyes.

“Your friend, Abby, committed suicide last night. She hung herself in her room. Her mother found her body a few hours ago.” A few tears slid down my mother’s cheeks. “I’m so sorry.”

But, all I could feel was numbness.

Another friend lost to death. Something had to be wrong with this town.