flipping a coin is a game of mind monkey bars

if there’s a difference between which coin I’m using

then I’m using the wrong one

it’s my game with the universe’s subconscious

or fate

whichever one is actually real.

and I can’t tell if I’m seeking my own approval

Or validation from something that doesn’t exist.

the first flip:

it escapes the grip of my fingers swooping into the air, spraying refractions of hopeless and frantic spasms of light that caress my irises and

lands

shivers and writhes on the floor,

tails.

the second flip:

it flutters into the air

with it a kaleidoscope of butterflies clamp and constrict my stomach

with each twirl it revives unborn symphonies.

heads.

the third flip:

it becomes a living entity and detaches itself from me

fluttering to another universe to where I make my own decisions

and each flip is a new possibility

and I plead for it to be 

heads.

I have my answer

breathing and gasping for belief in my very fingers

and if I lose my grip

I can be mad at the universe

instead