I am an addict.

not to drugs or alcohol or pills 

or anything of the sort.

I am addicted to experience,

once I get something I will see it out

again and again

yet somehow it never yields the same feeling

as it did the first time.

settling for fifth was okay

then fourth was the standard 

then third

from there I could only go up,

and when I placed the same,

or worse

i was empty of all feeling.

my first kiss was thrilling

the second was reluctant and for him.

I received no pleasure from the experience.

I do not care to be physically close to him anymore.

I am not addicted to him,

I am addicted to what he can provide,

though anyone could provide such things. 

I could be satisfied with a first kiss,

a first touch,

a first place,

but after one thing happens,

the same result can only be yielded 

from an experience of higher reward.