The first time I met blue

Was when I came out of my mother’s womb

As the uncertainty of the world engulfed me, I let out the wails of a newborn

I could feel my unknown future weighing me down like a blue whale 

The second time I met blue

Was when I was six

My grandmother had bought me sandals as blue as a royal

After dancing around in them, I tripped and watched as a jar tumbled 

I felt the glass shards viciously attack me, yearning for my pain

And my beautiful sandals, which were once a beautiful blue, had become stained with a dark red 

The third time I met blue

Was when I was eight

My aunt had bought me socks that resembled the blue of an evil eye

I never liked those socks 

They restricted my ability to ground myself and feel the earth beneath me

So, I cut holes in them 

Now, I could feel the warm grass clasping onto my feet

I felt free, and I had no other cares

The fourth time I met blue

Was when I was thirteen

Me and my girls were having a sleepover 

Exploring my mother’s makeup, testing different shades of nail polish

I liked the ancient nail lacquer that was cracking, a symbol of my own youth

I let the brush take control 

I watched as the dainty polish concealed my painful blue calluses from dancing hours en pointe, hoping to reach perfection

The next time I met blue

Was when I was fifteen

I felt the sun wrap me in its warm embrace

My toes wiggled beneath the wet sand as the waves came to greet me

But when I looked down at the water, I saw someone smiling at me 

This girl was different 

She was much older

She wasn’t my thirteen-year-old self

Nor my eight-year-old self

Nor my six-year-old self

This time, my reflection resembled the girl I had become

She was so different 

But the sense of familiarity her face gave me comforted me

Because she was once thirteen too

And eight 

And six