Honestly, to me Rose, I really found this piece to be quite shocking, and sad, but also beautiful in a way... Your voice is your OWN. Just like how I have people telling me that I need to use less ellipses (periods that drag off) That's not going to change the way I write my poetry; because that is part of my voice. You don't have to change your work if you don't want too. Personally, I would leave it like this, it's beautiful. I would also REALLY appreciate it if you took the time to rate and give honest comments on all the rest of my poems you haven't read, please! ^^ 5/5 because I believe it's beautiful the way it is.

(: thank you i know alot of people would get bummed out with critisicm but thanks alot for yours. i love it because it helps me grow and become a better writer. now that i look back over it i do agree. "beggars" was just another word to me for people like the homeless and even third world countries. if you dont mind i would LOVE! if you could check out my other stuff and comment on what you think. i always appreciate help to make me a more skilled writer

Honestly, I found it a little corny. However in some places the 3-word repetiton actually produces a great effect.

And while "beggars" don't really exsist today, I feel like its easy to get the jist of what your saying. It just seems like it has a lot of potential but you fell short by using cliches such as "sick suffer" and "another wife breaking inside" and even the ending "car/familyworld".

However it started really strong. I really like the title and how it opens with the same words. I just it fell short of what it could have been.

it really rings true to our society it almost made me cry with the reality of it all.....KEEP WRITING!! world needs to hear ur voice