I'm glad to see that you are anticipating this. I'm not sure there is  enough dirt here for me to really rip you up, although I'll give you special treatment because you're another guy (it seems like everyone on TeenInk is a girl . . .), and you live in Texas, too! Well here it comes:

I really wish you punctuated these stanzas. It would work so much better with creating a that grim mood. I find punctuation to be a marvellous tool toward infuencing an audiences mood. Also, you'll be hard-pressed to find a real (as in, published by a legitimate poet that someone knows) poem written without punctuation. Unpunctuated poems are like unpunctuated prose, and I couldn't read 30 seconds into a novel without periods without going blind.

What is "thourgh"?

I like this (perhaps because I'm biased toward both you and the archaic word choice). I can't give you any hard suggestions, because this is such a "different" style of poetry that there is not a right or wrong way to do it.

I do have one suggestion though, so I'm not totally useless. What if you took letters off of those last "listen"s so they feel more like echoes. . . .