Fireworks | Teen Ink


November 2, 2012
By flanny SILVER, Madison, New Jersey
flanny SILVER, Madison, New Jersey
5 articles 0 photos 38 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You must do the thing you think you cannot do." ~Eleanor Roosevelt

A solitary missile of white sparks
Pierces the velvety blanket of night sky.

With a sound replicating the crack of a gun,
The single missile multiplies.
Dozens of other missiles emerge
From the single missile
Shooting outward in every direction,
Sprouting into a wondrous explosion of colors,
A dandelion puff of sparks.

More follow,
Each one surpassing
the extravagance of the preceding.
Each one unique
in its way of displaying magnificence.
Each one shifting into various shapes,
Capturing the imagination of the onlookers.
A thick plume of fire spiraling upwards
Is a fiery snake crawling towards the sky.
A great billowing cascade consisting of
Every color imaginable
Is a blossoming flower spreading its petals
Each one illuminating the sky,
A light in the darkness.
Each one leaving a trail of sulphurous smoke,
Leaving a distinct pungent aroma.

Each one casting their light
Upon the sea of enraptured faces
Staring upwards in awed silence
At the magical phenomenon unfolding above.

And in that moment of time
While you feel yourself falling
Into a trance as you watch
The hypnotic shapes snake across the sky-
As you marvel at the beauty
Of the spectacle in the heavens-
All fear,
All worry,
All grief and concern
And you feel as if
The world
Is a perfect place.

The author's comments:
My family and I went to a baseball game, and they had a fireworks display afterwards. As I watched the fireworks, I was awed, and words kept popping into my brain. When we got home, I felt that I just had to write them down.

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This article has 8 comments.

on Feb. 2 2013 at 4:39 pm
TaylorWintry DIAMOND, Carrollton, Texas
72 articles 0 photos 860 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Never fear shadows. They simply mean there's a light shining somewhere nearby." - Unknown

Nice imagery! This is a great poem as well. The only thing I personally would change is the repeated use of the word "missile" in the second stanza. To me, it sounds a bit overused in that stanza, but that's just my opinion. Also, you need a stronger conclusion to tie up loose ends. For example, when you write a story you need a resolution to clear up the remaining fog from the conflict. I felt that you didn't have the right material in your poem to tie up all of the loose ends and make up for the rest of the poem. Generally, the ending should be the best part of the poem, or the part where everything makes sense. It should be where the poem becomes "worth the read." Your ending was fine; I just think it could use a boost to really make it spectacular. Great job, otherwise! I could really picture the scenes in my head.

Kris_10 GOLD said...
on Jan. 20 2013 at 4:05 pm
Kris_10 GOLD, North Scituate, Rhode Island
10 articles 0 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles... The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood..." -Theodore Roosevelt

You seem like you were trying so hard to use great vocbuary. however, im some parts near the middle, it was harder to follow due to how wordy it was. that being said, the ending was beautiful. it perfectly summed up the whole thing. great job!

flanny SILVER said...
on Jan. 19 2013 at 9:29 am
flanny SILVER, Madison, New Jersey
5 articles 0 photos 38 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You must do the thing you think you cannot do." ~Eleanor Roosevelt

thanks for the suggestion! yes i think that would improve the poem, the only reason i was hesitant about making it a creative title was that the readers might not be able to connect with it in the same way. I realize now though, that would be a good improvement. Thanks!

on Jan. 17 2013 at 11:23 am
Rolledthestone SILVER, Nowhere, Other
8 articles 0 photos 108 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye." (Matthew 7:5) and "All the poeple who supported slavery were free, all the people who support abortion live..."

Nice detail! Only thing I can add to the previous suggestions is maybe a more creative title. I always (though I shouldn't) chose to read poems with creative titles that capture my interst. Blunt titles are like the movie "Snakes on a Plane" they give away what the movie (poem in this case) are about and it make you feel no need to read it.

nmk1128 SILVER said...
on Jan. 16 2013 at 10:24 pm
nmk1128 SILVER, Fort Myers, Florida
6 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You don't write because you want to say something, you write because you have something to say." - F. Scott Fitzgerald

I thought it was a very good descriptive poem; the way you used "the snake" as a metaphore for the fire works was a great visual, and reminds me of what its like to me in utter awe of such a firey spectacle.

on Jan. 16 2013 at 9:36 pm
GuardianoftheStars GOLD, Shongaloo, Louisiana
17 articles 0 photos 495 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Let's tell young people the best books are yet to be written; the best painting, the best government, the best of everything is yet to be done by them."
-John Erslcine

Vivid description! Very nicely done and 5 stars worth I think. I agree with CammyS about the word 'missle', but like she/he said that is easy enough to fix, but other than that very nice :)

flanny SILVER said...
on Nov. 12 2012 at 6:30 pm
flanny SILVER, Madison, New Jersey
5 articles 0 photos 38 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You must do the thing you think you cannot do." ~Eleanor Roosevelt

I agree with you, thank you so much for the feedback!!

CammyS SILVER said...
on Nov. 10 2012 at 1:47 pm
CammyS SILVER, Papillion, Nebraska
5 articles 0 photos 188 comments

Favorite Quote:
No passion in the world is equal to the passion to alter someone else's draft.
H. G. Wells
Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream.
Mark Twain

This is amazing! I don't know how you did it, but you captured my feelings when I'm watching fireworks perfectly. You asked me to be blunt though and here it is-  in the 2nd stanza I think you use the word "missle" too much. Very small fix though- great job!