The Misfortunate Fate of a Boy | Teen Ink

The Misfortunate Fate of a Boy

May 25, 2013
By ephemeral GOLD, Park City, Utah
ephemeral GOLD, Park City, Utah
17 articles 0 photos 52 comments

Favorite Quote:
"All that is gold does not glitter/Not all those who wander are lost/The old that is strong does not wither/Deep roots are not reached by the frost"

He’ll follow the bread crumbs
From her apple pie heart and
Lick his fingers, yet still starve
Thus know hunger for always
Woods shall close in, raking and tearing
Blood on the branches, gore on the bark
White-rimmed eyes and ivory oval jaw
Unblinking, un-creased brow faced alight
A red, red stench and
Lolita’s cinnamon syrup
Which was the windchime that sang
The sirens in the rubbled twilight
A lust like sticky honey rolls that
Renders all stomach-ached and
A love that sprang up a trackless forest
In which only to die of thirst

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This article has 7 comments.

HazelGrace said...
on Jun. 6 2013 at 3:24 pm
I love the metaphors, they're not crystal clear in the best possible way. It took me a bit of thinking, but I supremely enjoyed it. Fantastic job! Feel free to comment/critique my stuff.. if you have time :)

bree_bree GOLD said...
on Jun. 5 2013 at 2:02 pm
bree_bree GOLD, Auburn, Kentucky
12 articles 0 photos 39 comments

Favorite Quote:
mistakes are made to be learned from.

I agree and yet i disagree with WrenArrington. At first i thought that there was no true meaning to the poem and it was just some verry incredable imagry, but i went back and reread your peice and i found an underlying message. (or mabye in halusinating you know whichever XD ) In your peice you reference the forest more than once connecting back to both the hunger and the listless wandering in a demented and murderous forest. I found your comparison (corect me if im wrong) when you began talkin of lust and love. Metaphoricaly i found a comparison to a dying lustfull love. So basicly (i know im rabbling) i infered that your peice was about a boy who is so despratly in love with a girl and he hungers for her both in lust and in love, and is always looking for a way to earn her love, but he instead finds himself always being turned away and is constantly being hurt by her, and in the end his love for her dies away or is never givin the chance to live. whoo okay im done :) amazing job i think you should keep it just the way it is, and that is saying something because i can almost always find something to change in someones poetry (including my own).

ephemeral GOLD said...
on Jun. 4 2013 at 12:53 am
ephemeral GOLD, Park City, Utah
17 articles 0 photos 52 comments

Favorite Quote:
"All that is gold does not glitter/Not all those who wander are lost/The old that is strong does not wither/Deep roots are not reached by the frost"

I know, the format is messed up where there is supposed to be stanza breaks, but it's already a disjointed poem. I'll go back and edit it for sure :) Thanks for being honest

on Jun. 3 2013 at 10:02 pm
BookNerd35 GOLD, Herod, Illinois
10 articles 1 photo 60 comments

Favorite Quote:
There are so many people out there who will tell you that you can't. What you've got to do is turn around and say, 'watch me.' -unknown

Great job!

on Jun. 3 2013 at 4:58 pm
Carpe-Caffeam GOLD, No Where, Florida
10 articles 0 photos 444 comments

Favorite Quote:
“If it weren’t for the coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality whatsoever.” –David Letterman

I love the imagery, but I have to agree with WrenArrington in the sense that it seems like you jump to a different subject entirely at one point. I think you probably just need to create a new stanza or two (put some breakage between lines) to signify that you're slightly changing the subject. Otherwise, excellent job!

rhea752 GOLD said...
on Jun. 3 2013 at 9:27 am
rhea752 GOLD, Merritt Island, Florida
16 articles 1 photo 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
Maybe it's not about the happy ending, maybe it's about the story.

I really like the contrast of food descriptions and the hunger. You sit there getting hungrier and hungrier and then your like. NO FOOD FOR YOU!!! The desire in the poem is cutting and sharp. well done :)

on Jun. 2 2013 at 11:15 pm
WrenArrington, Sioux Falls, South Dakota
0 articles 0 photos 74 comments
Ugh, I wish they wouldn't make you include a picture because the decreased space makes the lines all messed up! Okay, now that I'm done ranting... The first three lines really grabbed my attention, but I felt that the transition from food to the woods was rather abrupt, especially for two things that are so unalike. It kind of seemed like the poem was all imagery, without any actual coherent content at times. But that's just my opinion, and what do I know? Sorry if I sound harsh--you want unadulterated criticism, come to me first, am I right? :P Anyway, still good work. Maybe I'm just in a bad mood or something. Feel free to go give me a taste of my own medicine! ;)