What am I to you…?

Am I actually a friend? Or am I just a quick laugh?

What goes through your mind when you flirt with me? Do you wait, hoping excitedly that I’ll flirt back? Or do you think about the girl with the nice butt that just passed?

Does your heart race when I sit next to you, like mine does? Or do you wonder about the homework for English?

How does your day go, when I’m not at school? Do you wonder if I’m okay, if I’ll be back tomorrow? Do you worry all day? Or do I even cross your mind? Does my name even run over your tongue?

Do I matter to you? Do I matter at all? Why do you keep leading me on? Why do you keeping teasing me, and taunting me? Why can’t you just tell me straight up, that you don’t like me to save me the heartache later?

Oh, right. I amused you, for a time. Then you got bored, and now I can barely stand seeing you every day because you never really pay attention to me anymore.

I miss it. I miss you. And I never know what to say or do around you anymore. Seeing you every morning brightens my day more than you’ll ever know. Ever hope to know. I worry over you, do you worry over me? Do you care enough to worry?

Would you shed a single tear if I left? Forever or for a day, would you care?

No. Probably not. I might get an ‘Oh, she was cool, what a shame.’, maybe.

You mean so much to me, even as a friend, but when I get that hug every morning, my face splits, I feel peaceful and safe. When you smile down at me, my heart picks up. When you say my name my heart melts and I let a smile take over because it’s easy with you.

I feel peaceful and safe and warm and happy when your arms are wrapped around me even for those few seconds.

I want to feel like that. I want to be warm and I want to feel safe. I love that feeling because it’s rare for me. I’ve had so many people torn away, I don’t want you to be one of them, I wouldn’t know what to do if I lost you. I feel loss so harshly…

It would break me.

It’s breaking me even now.