As of today I have decided to let you go.
I don’t want you to have that right grasp on my feelings
anymore.
I don’t want to sit here and wait for things to change.
because I know,
no matter how hard and stubborn I am to admit it,
I know things won’t change.

In reflecting back upon these last few months
I see how you affected me as a whole.
I shouldn’t have let you sit back
and think everything was okay.
I should have spent way less time thinking about you
and spent more time thinking about things more important.
But then again,
you were what was important to me.

I still miss you.
Going to school and seeing “our spot” never really does get easier.
I still think that maybe, just maybe,
you’ll come back.

At the present moment I can’t wait until I am completely over you.
Just thinking about it gets me excited.
I will be able to see someone and they won’t remind me of you.
But until then,
I will just fake it until I make it.

I am afraid
of you moving back and ruining all the progress I have made.
I am afraid
of forgetting you.
I almost feel bad forgetting you like maybe I might hurt you.
I would never want you to feel the way you made me feel even though you deserve it.

Sometimes I try to pretend I never knew you.
And you know what? It works.
Not for a long time, but for small periods of time, it works.
I try to remember how unhappy I actually was.

Never, never, never will I allow myself
to be treated the way you treated me.
I will never go back to you no matter what you say to me and how hard it may be.

I am continually more thankful that
you aren’t in my life anymore.
I’m thankful that I am now a better person,
not because of you, but because
I’ve learned that
keeping things inside isn’t helping anyone.
Not even me.

Oh, I love how I am able to write this about you,
and it not leave an unwanted lump in my throat.
I love that
I learned to be thankful and learn from what happened.
And you will never know that you hurting me,
breaking me down,
only made me stronger.