I would give everything

to know you

and I would give everything

to stop wanting to know you

why did I give in

You made me into a worse person

yet

you made me discover things about myself ...

feelings 

that I never knew I could have

I never thought like this

you are constantly running through my mind

I hate it

I hate it 

I hate you and how you make me so weak

you give me the adrenaline I never knew 

would feed my heart and soul

why do I chase after pointless things

why must I suffer

no matter how many times I tried

you slowly creep into my mind

when I try to get you out of it

I want you to look at me

but don't because I am a mess

the walls I have built over the years

indestructible as I designed them to be

tumble down whenever you look at me

why don't I have the courage to express myself

why can't I talk to you

why can't I be comfortable around you

I'm afraid you'll dislike me

I want to reach out to you

but I would rather forever hold my silence

than to face the tragic reality