Everyday with HER! Every stinking day with HER! This is going to be the worst summer EVER! My cousin is coming up from California to live with us for a summer. Her mom said it would be a good opportunity for her but I totally think she was just sick of her. She does happen to have that effect on most people.

But as I was saying, she is the most stuck up, shallow person in the whole……….entire……….messed up……….stinking……….world.

LANA! (Yes that is her real name; I’m not exaggerating or anything.) I haaaaaaate her! When she was seven, my family and I threw her a surprise birthday party up here in South Carolina. I know, I know, surprise parties are fun, who could complain? If someone threw me one, I’d be bursting into smiles. I loooove parties like that, they’re so awesome. But anyway, so we put up tons of streamers. We went to the party store and made a GIGANTIC bouquet of balloons and bought a billion presents. Who wouldn’t like this? My mom even baked a cake and my mom NEVER bakes. My mom turns down the lights. Everybody hides and it’s my job to get her inside.
When we were little, she would call me upstairs and bombard me with fru-fru lace and dress me up. She’d steal my mom’s make-up and then she’d pretend it was a fashion show. To me, it was more like an ugly show, she’d always do my make up bad and I hated it. Even worse, she’d laugh the whole time. But this was only a preview of the torture she’d make me endure in the later years. Well, I tell her we’d play Barbie dress-me-up/torture chamber when we get inside. So we step inside and I flip on the lights.
“Surprise!!” everyone yells. She puts one hand on her hips and says:
“Streamers? Balloons? That’s so last year. Oh…My…GOD! This cake, looks like a monkey made it. You do not expect me to eat that, do you?” My mom was so crushed.
Lana is the devil. I’m not even joking. Underneath her perfectly straight, long, thick, platinum blonde hair; there are HORNS! You cannot trust her. On my brothers eighth birthday we were playing with my brother’s new shiny red fire truck. It was his favorite present. My brother decided that he wanted it back and she decided he couldn’t have it back. Into the Carvel cake the fire truck went. (My mom no longer bakes when Lana is around.) When my mom asked who did it, who do you think the finger fell on? You guessed right… ME!
“LLLLIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYY!” my mom yells. “Get down here! Lana will be coming in ten minutes.”
“Wahoo!” I say sarcastically. I heard my mom talking to Aunt Carol on the phone last night. Everything is set. YAY! She gets to sleep in my room. Even better. I guess Aunt Carol couldn’t handle her. Now we have to. Frankly I’m not sure if we can handle her either. I might just go crazy! No wonder Lana is an only child.
I get downstairs and it’s immaculate. I cleaned the bathroom and my room upstairs. Cleaned out my so-called “junk” and set up the cot in my room. I also hid all of my money and private items. That is basically everything and anything she can steal and use against me in the court of law. Just kidding, but knowing her for as long as I’ve known her she’s going to try to get my friends to turn on me and to embarrass me in front of anyone.
There’s a knock on the door and before my mom can get to it Lana bursts in.
“How y’all doin’?” The expression on our faces tells her. “What, isn’t that what you say down here in Kentucky?”
“South Carolina, and no,” I correct her.
“Whatever, so this is where I’m living now? Take my bags upstairs and show where I sleep, Lola.”
“It’s Lilly,” I tell her.
“Do I care? No! Now show me already.” I swear! Even after fourteen years of living and seeing each other, she still can’t remember my name. Sheesh! I climb up the stairs with all four of her fifty-pound bags. Downstairs, I hear Aunt Carol and my mom talking.
“Well, she can be a bit of a handful sometimes. Just…just give her what she wants. It’s okay. If that’s everything then, um, well, BYE!” Then I hear the door slam. I finally make it up the stairs and I show her my room. Lana takes a look at my bed.
“Ooh that one definitely looks comfy! I’ll take it!”
“Lana, that one’s—“
“What? Are you saying I can’t have that one, because I do believe that I was the one who moved wasn’t it? WASN’T IT?”
“Y-yes” I stammer.
“So, you’re saying you can’t do one tiny little favor to help your sweet cousin feel at home. Just one little thing?”
“No Lana. I…I didn’t mean that. I was just trying to…I mean…um…um…t-talk to my mom okay.”
“Okay!” she chirps. I needed to make sure everything was hidden properly so I prompt her to get out of the room.
“Hey, Lana, why don’t you take a look into the bathroom and set up all your makeup and lipsticks.”
“Technically, a lipstick is makeup and that is so 90’s. I mean, come onn lip-gloss is soo much better! But whatever.” I check quickly and find something visible. Quickly I hide it in my brother’s room and come back to my room. On the floor I find Lana sprawled on the floor surrounded by clothes. She is in my dresser and shoving all of my clothes aside to make room for hers.
“What are you doing?” I yell
“Oh, just putting my clothes away. What, did you expect me to live out of my suitcase?”
“Well no duh!”
“That’s preposterous! I couldn’t do that. All my clothes will get wrinkled. They’re designer you know. You don’t need that much space for yours.”
“Yes. Yes I do. That’s why they are there!”
“Wait…so you’re saying I can’t even have just one drawer?”
“I’m saying…NO!”
“Aunt Diannnnnn!” she drones.
“What, What.” My mom says as she bursts into the rooms, all huffed up.
“Lilly says I have to live out of my suitcase and that I have to sleep in that smelly old cot over there,” She whines pointing to the cot. (At least she got my name right!)
“Well, what did you expect? We’re not a five star hotel, you know.”
“Aunt Diannnnnn!”
“Fine. Lilly make room for Lana’s clothes. Switch your beds, too.”
“MOM!” I was about to kick and scream like I was five. But unlike when I was five, I know that when my mom gives us the evil eye, you have got to stop or else. My mom later pulls me aside.
“It’s only for a couple of months Lilly. It’s not going to be horrible.”
“Yes it will,” I grumble
“Look, I know you two aren’t the best of friends but you’ll just have to grin and bear it. We have to keep her happy. Just for now.”
“Just for now.” I echo. I knew that from then on I would remember this summer forever. The summer of Lana’s reign. I also knew that something must be done.