Slip on your black sneakers; the ones you trashed at the concert last friday. Apply some eye liner in the broken mirror by Kyra's bed. Force a smile when she tells you that you are too beautiful for makeup. Fix the bandages on your arms, and pull your sleeves down. Let Kyra unlock her bedroom window, and watch as she removes the screen. Turn away when she looks down two stories into the darkness below. Take a reassuring breath low enough for only you to hear. Go to the window and jump out first. Fall into the brush like you've done it a thousand times before, and rub the scrapes from your hands. Take the leaves from your hair casually as she too jumps from her window and giggles from the high.


Pull your jacket shut. The zipper broke last month, and probably wasn't worth the hassle - but its so damn cold. Take the knife out of your back pocket, the one you convinced yourself you would need. It is past curfew and the cops are out. If you get caught, your dead. If someone else finds you, expect worse.


Look around cautiously and nod your head towards the opening in the woods. Pass the trail and make a new one behind the trees. Look back only once, and hide the fact that you want to turn around. Ignore the cracking twigs and shuffling leaves around you. Pass the knife to Kyra and check your phone. Ten past two, wonder where they are. Give Kyra your phone and take the knife back. This was her idea, she will call them. Sit down on a rock and check out your cut knees. Hide the fact you don't remember getting them. Act like you don't care then pull your hair up; too many branches.


Try to laugh along when Shane and the guys appear behind you. Kiss your boyfriend and whisper in his ear you don't want to do this. Accept the wince on his face as him understanding, but don't feel hurt when he doesn't take you home. Carefully tie your shoes repeatedly while everyone else lights up. Appreciate the fact no one says anything about you being straight-edge. Check your phone, five 'til three. Time to go.


Hold Shane's hand as you walk across the frozen lake. Notice your breath in the chilled air and the fact you can hardly feel your legs. Try not to squeeze Shane's hand too tight when you hear the ice crack. Calm yourself when Ryan pushes you and you fall. Look away when Ryan forefully hits the ice - then let Shane help you up. Make sure your on land before you force a laugh at how much fun that was. Hop the fence to the private yard after Shane. Let him catch you as you attempt to swallow the pain from just twisting your leg.


Stand hidden by the trees with Kyra as the guys pick the lock to the idle house. Crazy Max was supposed to make the drop off twenty minutes ago. Its almost four. Walk through the doorway like you live there, and let the guys find the stash. Cough from the dust, and go back the way you came. Be the first one to hop over the fence, then wait for everyone else.


Reach the lake and wrap your jacket around yourself tighter. Pull your sleeves over your hands and squeeze your fist in search of feeling. Try to avoid the shaddows on the ice, it might be thin there. Make sure you don't look shocked when the ice shatters and you fall through. Note how the coldness doesn't reach you until you swallow the filth resting on the rim of the water. See Shane race towards you as you submerge under the ice. Feel your body warm, then close your eyes.