I wanted to believe her, I did, but it was that look she gave me from the inside of her car as she drove away, it was different than any other look she had given me before, it was one that was full of regret.  I had never seen her look that way before. 
Years ago, when we were seven, she came to my house after school.  We were just becoming friends then, but for some reason that day, it felt like we were sisters.  We attached the sprinkler to the house and put it on the hot, tar driveway.  We ran under it countless times, laughing and giggling, feeling the way I wish I could feel my whole life.  After becoming all prune-y, we ran further down the driveway with our towels, to a spot that had no water on it.  We placed our towels on the driveway and laid on top of it.  The warm sun rays felt so good beating down on our backs.  We looked at each other and smiled.
As we grew, our friendship did too.  Though, I’d be lying if I said we never had a fight, because we did, hell, lots of them, but to me what was important was how quickly we put our differences aside for the sake of our friendship, for the sake of each other.  That’s what was so magical about our friendship… I know, I know, I’m sorry for the cliché, but I have to speak honestly, our friendship truly was magical.  That friendship made me get through some of the hardest things in life and enjoy the best things to the fullest.  One person has the capability to change your whole life, imagine that.
In October, Alison starting staying home from school a lot.  After missing her third day that week, I went over to her house (which was just across the street) with a get well card, to make sure she was okay and let her know I was thinking about her.  She opened the door and looked normal.  She was wearing the same clothes as the last time I saw her and hadn’t brushed her hair, but then again, she never really brushed it anyway.  I asked her how she was feeling and what was wrong.  She told me she had just had a headache and been feeling a little lightheaded, nothing serious.  She thanked me for coming over a little too quickly and almost escorted me out of her house, but I understood, she’s sick and tired, I’m sure.  She came to school the next day on Friday; I was relieved because it was starting to get lonely.  She seemed very upbeat, waving at me and running in for a hug; all was well.  We stayed at school that day after it had been let out with a couple other classmates to play tag on the grass patch in front of our school.  We played tag for a while until that transformed into hide and seek tag, then freeze tag, then blob tag (and if you don’t know what that is, you’ve really missed out), and then flashlight tag when the sun starting going down.  Since freshman year, we’ve played tag at our school at least once a week, but one time we couldn’t get anyone else to join us, and me and Alison played just us two.
On Monday, Alison was reading her favorite book in the hallway, I can’t remember what the book is called, I just know it had a big gavel across the front, which always stood out to me, but anyway she saw me and ran over.  She told me she was taking a trip to New York with her family.  I told her that was great, but that I would miss her at Christmas time, since we’ve always had Christmas together.  She laughed and said she wasn’t leaving in two months, she was leaving in four days, she was going to have to miss school, but it was going to be a great trip.  Four days passed and I helped her put all her luggage in the car before going to the airport.  She gave me a big hug and whispered into my ear,
“it will only be six short days”.  She squeezed my hand and got into the car.  I stood there slightly confused with the amount of emotion Alison had just shed.  She had her favorite book in her lap, her right hand on the book and her left one up, pressed against the window.  She looked at me with her glassy eyes and drove away.  Her eye contact didn’t break until she turned left out of our street and for some reason as soon as she turned my heart fell to my stomach.
Six days later, I was ecstatic; I couldn’t wait for her to come back.  I had planned this whole big party for her, which of course included the biggest banner you have ever seen that read: “Welcome Home!”.  I made it myself, so it didn’t really look all that polished, but it was cute and heartfelt.  I knew she would love it.  I set the whole celebration up in my living room because she said as soon as she gets back the first place she is going is my house.  Her flight landed at three and she would be home around five.  I waited in the living room for her, starting at 4:59 (I know it’s a little exact, but I like to be organized when it comes to Alison, she deserves it).  Two hours went by and she still hadn’t arrived.  I started to get a little nervous, but I would tell myself her flight simply got delayed.  I fell asleep on the sofa waiting for her that night.  I looked out the window as soon as I got up.  Still no sign of Alison.  I couldn’t go to school, not without knowing if she was alright.  I called her phone, but no answer.  I called her parents, her mother answered.  Her mother informed me that their plane got canceled and they would be home shortly.  I heard what sounded like yelling and crying in the background along with an on and off beeping sound.  The last words I heard were in the background, I couldn’t tell what she said, but I knew it was Alison.  The phone cut out.  I had an overwhelming, icky feeling rush through me, but I had to believe everything was fine and that Alison’s mother would have told me otherwise, I mean, what other choice did I have?  I waited there for her that day again, staring at the window and thinking every car that came down the road might be hers.  Finally, I heard a screeching down the road of skidded tires, I knew who that was, Alison’s reckless driving mother.  I was right, a red sedan turned into her driveway I screamed out of excitement, but something stopped me from leaving the house, Alison wasn’t in the car.  They took her suitcase out of the car and carried into her bedroom.  I wanted to ask where she was, but at the same time I didn’t.  I saw my father run out and give them both hugs as they unpacked their car.  They chatted and he jogged back to our house,
“Alison will be back in a couple days” he told me. No explanation, no reasoning, and no timeline.  I stood there still, in front of the door, waiting for her arrival.  I stayed there that whole day, as I had for the past three days.  In the middle of the night, my mother tried to carry me off the sofa while I was asleep, and into my bedroom.  I woke up in a panic and screaming once I realized she was trying to take me out of where I felt I needed to be.  I screamed and cried,
“I have to be here for Alison” I yelled.  “I have too!”  She didn’t understand.
“You need to sleep in a proper bed and you can’t stay cooped up in here all day.  It’s not healthy.  Alison will be back soon, you’ve been apart before, I don’t understand.  You need help.” My mother said sternly.  She was upset with my behavior, I understand, but how could I not act this way, I was left unsure about when my life would pick up again.  I felt helpless and I believed the best thing I could do is to wait, and so I did, every day.  My parents hired “specialists” as they call them to come here and try to help me.  They never did, because frankly I didn’t want to be helped.  As one would imagine I dropped out of school and as one could assume, my parents were more than devastated.  I didn’t care, I cared about being there for Alison in the way I had to.
I’m writing this now (it’s December) because I want to remember our story forever and I want others to know how much I struggled to let go of the past and how I was finally able to let go.  I will remember Alison and every memory we had and by doing so, we will always be together.  I’ve realized the important thing is not about seeing her again or knowing where she is, its about knowing that we always cared for each other and will always be together.  Love doesn’t die when one leaves your life or the physical world.  I no longer feel that to be with her, I have to physically be with her, regardless of where she is, we will always be best friends.  Everything I do I will carry her with me, I don’t have to wait for her anymore, we will always be together.