Perfect | Teen Ink

Perfect MAG

February 10, 2009
By Kelsey Hill BRONZE, State University, Arkansas
Kelsey Hill BRONZE, State University, Arkansas
2 articles 1 photo 1 comment

The eyeliner makes the dark circles less pronounced. The lip gloss hides the trembling. The ponytail conceals missing patches of hair. The Abercrombie sweater covers bruises. I might look at bit thinner, but everyone will ask about my new diet. My hair might not shine the way it used to, but the pink ribbon will distract curious eyes. One hour of preparation and I look like myself. One hour of preparation and no one will know. One hour out of 24. Sometimes I wonder if it’s worth it – wasting a twenty-fourth of my day on a lie. But then I see my wispy hair and baggy eyes, and I have to do it.

Checking my makeup one last time, I push my sleeves up, though not past my elbows. I slip on a cute pair of flats – heels are too dangerous with shaky legs – and grab my Hollister bag. Padding downstairs, I inhale the scent of waffles and syrup.

“Morning, Mom,” I call.

“Morning, baby,” she chirps. “Did you sleep well?”

“Better than I have been.”

She sighs, and her eyes look a hundred years old for a minute. “Any improvement is good,” she says half-heartedly.

“Of course.”

“I made waffles.” Her offering.

“Thanks, Mom. Smells delicious.” My offering.

I sit at the table and she hands me a plate. The thought of all that food turns my stomach, but I force a smile and thank my mother again. She busies herself at the sink and fills the silence with chatter. When she turns around, she takes in the waffles still on my plate, only missing a few bites. I smile apologetically.

“I’m not very hungry this morning.”

“You’ll need your strength for this afternoon.” She bites her lip. She doesn’t like to bring it up over breakfast. I eat another bite.

“I packed your lunch.”

“I’m 18, Mom. I can pack my own lunch. You have more important things to do.”

She reaches for the paper sack. “But now I know you’ll have something to eat. And you need to eat, okay? You have to keep your strength up.”

Sighing, I take the bag. I know this peanut butter and jelly sandwich won’t be eaten, not any more than the one yesterday or the day before. And even if I do eat it, I’ll just throw it up later. Anything consumed after 11 ends up in a plastic basin at 4:07. It’s just the way it works.

“Hon, have you thought about what I said the other day?” she asks.

I shrug noncommittally.

“Sweetheart, you can’t hide this forever. Eventually you’re going to miss school and people will start asking questions.”

“Mom, I have two months left of high school. I can make it ’til then. I’m class president and probably valedictorian. I was voted ‘Most popular,’ ‘Most fun to be around,’ ‘Best smile,’ and ‘Most likely to succeed.’ I’m the girl who’s got it all together. People don’t want to know that the girl who’s got it all together, doesn’t have it all together. People don’t want to know that girl is dying!”

“Honey, don’t say that. You’re not dying.”

“Yes, I am. I have cancer. You heard Dr. Morrison. I have maybe a year left. But that means I can graduate and then never see those people again. I’ll die and they’ll feel sorry for me, but at least I won’t have to endure their pity.”

“But …,” she tries to interrupt.

“Mom, listen to me. I don’t want to be the girl everyone looks at and whispers, ‘Look at her. Poor thing, she has cancer.’ I can’t handle that. I want to be normal. Just for these last two months.”

“Okay,” she whispers. “Okay. Just remember, it’s okay if you don’t have it all together. Sometimes things just fall apart and there’s nothing we can do.”

“Thanks, Mom.” I grab my bag and lunch and kiss her on the cheek. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” my mom replies. This exchange, once taken for granted, is now a vital part of every morning, every afternoon, every night. Three little words, followed by four more, have come to mean more than an entire conversation. They bridge all gaps and disagreements, because we both know there is now a finite number left.

Keys in hand, I open the door and blink in the early morning sun. My silver car waits in the driveway and as I walk toward it, I check my reflection in the tinted window. Perfect.

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This article has 836 comments.

on Sep. 2 2014 at 12:38 pm
amazing/ it was awsome  

on Sep. 2 2014 at 12:37 pm

on Sep. 2 2014 at 12:36 pm
it was ok,it could be better  

on Sep. 2 2014 at 12:36 pm
it was ok  

on Sep. 2 2014 at 12:34 pm
hay seth  

on Aug. 22 2014 at 6:58 pm
AutumnMoon BRONZE, Lebanon, Maine
3 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We see our better selves in the eyes of those who love us." -Cassandra Clare

This was truly beautiful.

on Aug. 16 2014 at 4:37 pm
Pamezquita1233 BRONZE, Clemmons, North Carolina
4 articles 0 photos 9 comments
really amazing :)

on Jun. 25 2014 at 7:58 pm
skiesandpiano, Needham, Massachusetts
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments
This is fantastic! I loved the way you slowly made the audience realize that the speaker had cancer, and the little details that develop the characters.

on Jun. 19 2014 at 10:09 pm
wallflower14love, Santa Clarita, California
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
"Work hard, play hard, and be kind." -Harry Styles

This is really good and touching!

on Jun. 5 2014 at 12:18 am
SabrinaFaire SILVER, Odenville, Alabama
5 articles 0 photos 32 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You aren't going to impose the patriarchal paradigm on ME." Alaska Young

You truly have a way with words! It makes you think of the fact that sometimes the person who looks like they have it all together, is also the person that truly has it all falling apart. I love the idea and the bounce of your words. It's AMAZING. 

on Apr. 8 2014 at 9:46 pm
emahoney BRONZE, Providence, Rhode Island
3 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Never regret anything because at one point it was exactly what you wanted."

This is a very powerful and compelling story, I loved it!

on Apr. 5 2014 at 12:57 pm
Strawberry_Rabbit, Savoy, Illinois
0 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
Mistakes are painful when they happen, but years later, a collection of mistakes is called experience.

This is a great story, but it's so sad. Is it based on a real person?

FirstLast said...
on Mar. 29 2014 at 7:42 am
AMAZING. The part that caught my attention was the fist paragraph. What a great piece!

sleavs BRONZE said...
on Mar. 25 2014 at 10:45 pm
sleavs BRONZE, DeWitt, New York
3 articles 1 photo 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
"I am mine. Before I am ever anyone else's."

I loved the part when you said: "Sometimes I wonder if it's worth it, wasting one twenty-fourth of my day..." I think that way of thinking is v cool.  Sometimes you get a bit too literal, and I know you're trying to explain to us what's going on (she has cancer, she's dying) but that part seemed rushed to me.  Like, "oh I have to make sure I get this all out so they know what's going on."  Try and make it less expositional.  But overall, the voice was excellent.

Kinah_32 said...
on Feb. 24 2014 at 10:07 am
Kinah_32, Kings Mountain, North Carolina
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies.

Your article was incredible!

on Feb. 20 2014 at 10:28 am
FaithToFallOn BRONZE, Manitowoc, Wisconsin
1 article 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
"Love is louder than the pressure to be perfect" -Demi Lovato

That was beautiful... upsetting and powerful, but beautiful. 

on Feb. 17 2014 at 4:18 pm
peyton_banks BRONZE, Cedar Creek, Nebraska
2 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You miss 101% of the shots you don't take"

This article is amazing! Can't believe that plot twist!

on Feb. 6 2014 at 9:53 pm
oliviajocson SILVER, Normal, Illinois
6 articles 0 photos 34 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Learning to love the process."

Wow! Awesome story. You said in a lot in such few words. Great job 

wMESw BRONZE said...
on Feb. 1 2014 at 9:11 pm
wMESw BRONZE, Topeka, Kansas
1 article 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
Nothing is impossible the word it's self says I'm possible!

Great story, I loved the begging, it really pulled me in/ Keep up the good work.

on Jan. 31 2014 at 9:43 pm
Liz_Liz_Liz BRONZE, Saskatoon, Other
2 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
"All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them." -Walt Disney

This is really good! At first I thought she had an eating disorder, but it turned aroud and really surprised me, which is awesome!!