Razed Expectations | Teen Ink

Razed Expectations

December 24, 2009
By Vanished BRONZE, Change, Colorado
Vanished BRONZE, Change, Colorado
1 article 0 photos 53 comments

Wisps of smoke danced into the wintry air from my lips, creating ornate designs that could never be replicated. I carefully tilted the corners of my lips into a smile that I meant to be wry. Of course, it's difficult to articulate emotions that I can't feel, but I find that irony is relatively simple to demonstrate. I inhaled the toxic vapors of the cigarette casually. Its sinister, black cancer couldn't cripple a seventeen-year-old boy with no lungs, let alone a heart.
I glanced in the direction of the horizon, and flinched. The sun was dying flamboyantly, casting its radiant colors across the sky. Its last waves of light caressed my cold, pale skin. I wanted to snarl rebelliously as I felt its warmth slide against me deviously.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?”
My muscles went rigid, and I had to focus madly on controlling my shaking hands. I would know that voice, that beautiful, disastrous voice, in the realms beyond that of Earth. I grated my teeth, reeling in the disturbing sensations that she unknowingly always aroused in me.
I cocked my body towards her arrogantly, and lifted my mouth into a crooked crescent moon. I felt my eyes flashing, but I worked vehemently to fixate an arctic, hard tone into the dark of my indigo irises.
“I find the sunset lifeless and meaningless, actually,” I countered flatly, and a beat too late.
She laughed merrily, and I struggled within myself as my mind and body became entranced by the beautiful movement of her laughter as the colors of the sun played about her.
“You amuse me, Darian. How can you have such a pessimistic view of the world? The sun will not be lifeless until it disappears beneath the horizon, and the night falls. It’ll rise tomorrow, though,” she said.
I dared not think of her name. I hated the way my soul-if I had a soul-thrilled when her voice lingered over my name. It reminded me of music. I had to close my mind defiantly as I thought of music. I wanted nothing that resembled passion.
“That’s an inane notion that foolish women entertain. You want poetry, and ridiculous vows of forever. You aren’t difficult to read. If you want that sunset to mean something, then you want unrequited love. It doesn’t work like that,” I growled unmercifully, angry at her for unleashing the flood of feelings upon me.
Her lovely green eyes shifted into hard emeralds.
“What do you know about me, Dare? And what’s so wrong with having dreams? And why are you talking to me like that? I was simply commenting on the sunset.” She tossed her red curls, clearly miffed.
I lifted my chin, and blew smoke in her face. It was easier on me when she was angry. I don’t know why she bothered with me. Why she was brave enough to confront me. Why she didn’t follow the laws of the superficial high school we both attended. Why she didn’t stay away from me, like everyone else.
“You’ll die from that smoking, Darian.” She glared at me. We’d had this argument a lot. I lifted my eyebrows, and turned away from her, signaling that the conversation was over.
She didn’t obey, and I sighed.
“You know, Dare, you could let yourself feel. You could understand it.” Her voice was soft, a whisper in the darkening air. She was air. My air.
I reviled the potency of the emotions I could feel pulsing through me. I ran a hand through my black hair nervously, my body skidding with strange, unfamiliar energy. I didn’t want to answer her. Why didn’t she leave?
I made a fatal mistake when I looked at her. Every nerve inside of me screamed, as though my body and internal organs were recharging hurriedly in the rare moment of my awakening.
I think I felt my heart beat hesitantly.
My voice seemed like that of a stranger. It had a rich, deep tone to it. It had color.
“Understand what?”
Something in my expression changed the way she was looking at me. It may have mirrored the arrangement of my own features. She became vulnerable in that instant.
“Kiss me.” She whispered brokenly.
Surprise jolted keenly through me. God, I wished I was numb again. Everything felt electric-too intense and too vivid. Emotions scattered across my being, a mutinous invasion of the raging war against myself. I was defenseless and an easy prey to her request. I breathed jaggedly, and there was a husky vibe to it. Want. I recognized it more clearly as it bloomed vibrantly through me.
And she was waiting. For me.
I destroyed the walls I had so warily built as I leaned towards her. She lifted a creamy hand and laid it tenderly against my cheek, the expectation making her bold. I moaned, and closed my eyes. My own hands loosened, and reached for her face greedily
Something hot-burning-ignited against my skin. I wrenched myself away, dazed by the unpleasant sensation. Had a spark traveled through our bodies? That’s when I noticed the cigarette kindling like a faint ember beside my marred hand. It had burnt me. The throbbing pain brought a wave of consciousness through me. Reality. And I stared at her face, inches from mine, and something clicked inside of me. Gears that began humming smoothly, like a tuned clock. I pulled back, and tossed her hand away like it stung. I grimaced as the vitals within me slowly resumed their state of nothingness, and shook my head to clear it of its nonsensical ideas.
She watched the change take possession of me, and tears began to collect in her eyes.
I found that I could care less.
I grinned at her, and mocked, “I taste of cigarettes, Clara.”
She got up shockingly to her feet, and backed away as if understanding for the first time what I was. Tears stained her nondescript face.
I smiled, that careful replication of a smile, and said acidly, “Did I humor your silly fantasies well?”
Her face crumpled entirely, and she pivoted away and ran sobbing from my scathing ridicule.
The sun died, and all was dark.

The author's comments:
Reality sings truthfully against the generic lyrics of fantasy. What does your soul and heart sing of?

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This article has 206 comments.

on Jan. 24 2010 at 2:37 pm
Vanished BRONZE, Change, Colorado
1 article 0 photos 53 comments
Thank you!

on Jan. 24 2010 at 2:36 pm
Vanished BRONZE, Change, Colorado
1 article 0 photos 53 comments
Actually, when I write short stories, I simply capture a moment, and leave the ending to the reader. I enjoy a bit of a cliffhanger. Thank you, though.

on Jan. 24 2010 at 2:34 pm
Vanished BRONZE, Change, Colorado
1 article 0 photos 53 comments
I am writing a novel about a different kind of hero, as well as a vampire novel that is quite entertaining. I am focusing on a film script that mirrors the harsh ordeal of reality, too. Of course, ideas are always pondered, and perhaps demons can be considered. Thanks!

on Jan. 24 2010 at 2:32 pm
Vanished BRONZE, Change, Colorado
1 article 0 photos 53 comments
Evil and darkness, I'm afraid, are ever present in our society, and in our world. I like to write about what I see, and I suppose I believed I was capturing reality. Thank you for praising the imagery, emotions and detail.

on Jan. 24 2010 at 2:30 pm
Vanished BRONZE, Change, Colorado
1 article 0 photos 53 comments
Thank you for the realistic allusions. I am quite ecstatic to think over your ideas, and implant them into my writing from hereafter.

on Jan. 24 2010 at 12:54 pm
Vanished BRONZE, Change, Colorado
1 article 0 photos 53 comments
Thank you! I am successfully flattered and cajoled, yet I am a bit subdued because I believe you should not berate your writing. I would be pleased to see your work.

on Jan. 24 2010 at 12:35 pm
Vanished BRONZE, Change, Colorado
1 article 0 photos 53 comments
Thank you for sharing the vague outlines of your own experience. I understand that my writing is a bit dark and emotional, but I meant to capture reality, and in a subtle way, offer hope and understanding to the the audience.

SEVER said...
on Jan. 23 2010 at 5:15 pm
That was AMAZING...so delicately put the way you enticed how he hated the way he felt about her and how he felt like perfection was so evil to him. It broke my heart when I read that. Why can't a guy just see what's right in front of him?...Thank you for writing that. It really was beautiful.

on Jan. 23 2010 at 5:14 pm
You are a spectacular writer and I love that you don't let the TeenInk editors judge whether or not your story is good enough even though, every single piece you submit would be accepted. Even if there was one word because it would be brilliant. :)

I love your words and how you puzzle them together. I am not exactly jealous of your gift, but awestruck. There is no need for you comment on my writing because I would probably be very embarrassed of my work if you did. This is because of how substantial your writing is.

Purple said...
on Jan. 23 2010 at 5:13 pm
I would like to say that I have never been so entranced by a story as I was by this one. And I kind of sound like any idiot because for once I cannot find the words to describe how amazingly well written that was...

on Jan. 23 2010 at 5:12 pm
Now that just made me fall head over heels. Very intense. Keep writing, I want to read more.

on Jan. 23 2010 at 5:11 pm
Wow. It's absolutely more breathtaking than any writing I have ever read in my lifetime.

DARKNESS said...
on Jan. 23 2010 at 5:10 pm
I totally loved it. The way the main character views himself as without a heart, imitating emotion...I loved that quality.

on Jan. 23 2010 at 5:09 pm
Wow. That's all I can say is wow. It's beautiful! I was drawn into the story, seeing it from his perspective. Like feeling his emotions and conflict inside. The end was well written, and actually had me a little upset (lol) this is really good. Keep up the amazing work!"

I Know Him! said...
on Jan. 23 2010 at 5:08 pm
What people have said of my writing...

This story was very painful to read. Your description is excellent. Unfortunately, the story is very harsh. Darian's wrath is so blunt and poignant. And his numbness...that is something I know all too well. I'm glad I'm not in that position anymore, but I can relate to some of his feelings. Altogether it's well-written, but I would have liked it better if his heart had softened. There is a lot of pain there, even if he won't admit it. Many other teenagers go through the same thing. If they could see that a fictitious character can change, maybe it would give them hope as well.

Stargazer said...
on Jan. 23 2010 at 5:07 pm
This was absolutely stunning. I loved it..honestly I didn't want it to end. He sounds like my ex-boyfriend..so painfully complicated. If this was fiction on here you'd get 5 stars from me

Iris said...
on Jan. 23 2010 at 5:06 pm
Haha! Your story really enticed me for more...your plan worked because I really did enjoy your clever writing!

on Jan. 23 2010 at 5:05 pm
I have to say I admire your skill with words.

Restless said...
on Jan. 23 2010 at 5:03 pm
I really loved your story! It consists of great descriptions and I loved how you combined the metaphors with the inner feelings of your characters! I must say I wanted them to kiss so I felt disappointed a bit. Great job!

on Jan. 23 2010 at 5:02 pm
I very much enjoyed your story.