Razed Expectations | Teen Ink

Razed Expectations

December 24, 2009
By Vanished BRONZE, Change, Colorado
Vanished BRONZE, Change, Colorado
1 article 0 photos 53 comments

Wisps of smoke danced into the wintry air from my lips, creating ornate designs that could never be replicated. I carefully tilted the corners of my lips into a smile that I meant to be wry. Of course, it's difficult to articulate emotions that I can't feel, but I find that irony is relatively simple to demonstrate. I inhaled the toxic vapors of the cigarette casually. Its sinister, black cancer couldn't cripple a seventeen-year-old boy with no lungs, let alone a heart.
I glanced in the direction of the horizon, and flinched. The sun was dying flamboyantly, casting its radiant colors across the sky. Its last waves of light caressed my cold, pale skin. I wanted to snarl rebelliously as I felt its warmth slide against me deviously.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?”
My muscles went rigid, and I had to focus madly on controlling my shaking hands. I would know that voice, that beautiful, disastrous voice, in the realms beyond that of Earth. I grated my teeth, reeling in the disturbing sensations that she unknowingly always aroused in me.
I cocked my body towards her arrogantly, and lifted my mouth into a crooked crescent moon. I felt my eyes flashing, but I worked vehemently to fixate an arctic, hard tone into the dark of my indigo irises.
“I find the sunset lifeless and meaningless, actually,” I countered flatly, and a beat too late.
She laughed merrily, and I struggled within myself as my mind and body became entranced by the beautiful movement of her laughter as the colors of the sun played about her.
“You amuse me, Darian. How can you have such a pessimistic view of the world? The sun will not be lifeless until it disappears beneath the horizon, and the night falls. It’ll rise tomorrow, though,” she said.
I dared not think of her name. I hated the way my soul-if I had a soul-thrilled when her voice lingered over my name. It reminded me of music. I had to close my mind defiantly as I thought of music. I wanted nothing that resembled passion.
“That’s an inane notion that foolish women entertain. You want poetry, and ridiculous vows of forever. You aren’t difficult to read. If you want that sunset to mean something, then you want unrequited love. It doesn’t work like that,” I growled unmercifully, angry at her for unleashing the flood of feelings upon me.
Her lovely green eyes shifted into hard emeralds.
“What do you know about me, Dare? And what’s so wrong with having dreams? And why are you talking to me like that? I was simply commenting on the sunset.” She tossed her red curls, clearly miffed.
I lifted my chin, and blew smoke in her face. It was easier on me when she was angry. I don’t know why she bothered with me. Why she was brave enough to confront me. Why she didn’t follow the laws of the superficial high school we both attended. Why she didn’t stay away from me, like everyone else.
“You’ll die from that smoking, Darian.” She glared at me. We’d had this argument a lot. I lifted my eyebrows, and turned away from her, signaling that the conversation was over.
She didn’t obey, and I sighed.
“You know, Dare, you could let yourself feel. You could understand it.” Her voice was soft, a whisper in the darkening air. She was air. My air.
I reviled the potency of the emotions I could feel pulsing through me. I ran a hand through my black hair nervously, my body skidding with strange, unfamiliar energy. I didn’t want to answer her. Why didn’t she leave?
I made a fatal mistake when I looked at her. Every nerve inside of me screamed, as though my body and internal organs were recharging hurriedly in the rare moment of my awakening.
I think I felt my heart beat hesitantly.
My voice seemed like that of a stranger. It had a rich, deep tone to it. It had color.
“Understand what?”
Something in my expression changed the way she was looking at me. It may have mirrored the arrangement of my own features. She became vulnerable in that instant.
“Kiss me.” She whispered brokenly.
Surprise jolted keenly through me. God, I wished I was numb again. Everything felt electric-too intense and too vivid. Emotions scattered across my being, a mutinous invasion of the raging war against myself. I was defenseless and an easy prey to her request. I breathed jaggedly, and there was a husky vibe to it. Want. I recognized it more clearly as it bloomed vibrantly through me.
And she was waiting. For me.
I destroyed the walls I had so warily built as I leaned towards her. She lifted a creamy hand and laid it tenderly against my cheek, the expectation making her bold. I moaned, and closed my eyes. My own hands loosened, and reached for her face greedily
Something hot-burning-ignited against my skin. I wrenched myself away, dazed by the unpleasant sensation. Had a spark traveled through our bodies? That’s when I noticed the cigarette kindling like a faint ember beside my marred hand. It had burnt me. The throbbing pain brought a wave of consciousness through me. Reality. And I stared at her face, inches from mine, and something clicked inside of me. Gears that began humming smoothly, like a tuned clock. I pulled back, and tossed her hand away like it stung. I grimaced as the vitals within me slowly resumed their state of nothingness, and shook my head to clear it of its nonsensical ideas.
She watched the change take possession of me, and tears began to collect in her eyes.
I found that I could care less.
I grinned at her, and mocked, “I taste of cigarettes, Clara.”
She got up shockingly to her feet, and backed away as if understanding for the first time what I was. Tears stained her nondescript face.
I smiled, that careful replication of a smile, and said acidly, “Did I humor your silly fantasies well?”
Her face crumpled entirely, and she pivoted away and ran sobbing from my scathing ridicule.
The sun died, and all was dark.

The author's comments:
Reality sings truthfully against the generic lyrics of fantasy. What does your soul and heart sing of?

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This article has 206 comments.

on Jan. 25 2010 at 7:24 pm
Vanished BRONZE, Change, Colorado
1 article 0 photos 53 comments
Thank you. I've written "Runaway"...

Darkness descended until the neon lights reflected elusive colors into the slick shadows of the wet street. Rain slid down my guant features, and I grinned wryly as I played with the strings of my acoustic guitar rhythmically. I tilted my face towards the polluted skies, and leaned the contours of my thin body against the brick wall. The city, empty and barren, shunned my existence.

People, clad in coats meant for the brittle cold, skirted past my hollow guitar case without a sympathetic glance. Figures beneath umbrellas hastened past without revealing their faces. I closed my eyes and wondered vaguely if people without hearts lacked faces.

"I need change," I whispered brokenly. The kind of change that would unmask the facade that people portrayed. The kind of change that would uncover the delusions people harbored. The kind of change that would grant actual change for food, shelter, warmth - without contempt.

My senses had become peculiarly aware since my wandering. I heard the resounding arrival of an enemy common to the nomad. I sighed, and fought the demonic urge to carve a wicked, ironic grin across my face.

My dark indigo irises mirrored sorrow to please the outraged police officer.

"Punk, get off my streets!" He shouted, a pitiful vision of what is known as authority.

He snatched the traditional cardboard sign of the vagrant from the sidewalk, and ripped it until it represented nothing. Scrawled in unattractive black, my words had been, "Just because you look away doesn't mean I'm not here."

"Don't you come back, boy."

"Yes, sir." I snapped a salute, and knit my eyebrows sternly.

He reached for his gun, I suppose, to frighten me.

"I better not see you around here anymore. You got that, you dirty bum?"

"Of course, sir."

My rebellious nature flickered dangerously, and the sense of anarchy burned into my veins greedily. I turned away from the fuming man, and gathered all I had in the world: a ruined guitar case, a guitar, and three dollars.

"Hey!" He yelled as I was sauntering away,"Hey, scum. How old are you, lowlife?"

I straightened, and lifted my chin. I suppose that my ragged clothes, the dark circles beneath my eyes, the alabaster skin ravaged by the elements, the black hair plastered to my skull by the rain, and the lean state of my body implied that I could not possibly be human.

I growled, and he stumbled back as I hissed defiantly, "I'm seventeen."

He smiled, and leaned back like I had given him a reason to breathe. In a voice like the sewer dripping, he lolled, "That makes you a runaway, boy."

I smiled, my lips curling in a devious way.

"Yes, I suppose it does."

And I ran.

on Jan. 25 2010 at 6:38 pm
Vanished BRONZE, Change, Colorado
1 article 0 photos 53 comments
Anarchy and rebellion? I would be confined behind iron if I was an original rebel. No, I am not the rebel in the sense of odd clothes, tattoos, piercings, weird quirks or screaming hair - that is generic, love. I fear that my audience feels like I have something to prove, which I most certainly do not. Or do I? You see, our society is so warped that we cannot discern the difference between reality and what is not real. Everything, American especially, screams of idiotic, phony and unattractive qualities. If you cannot see it, you may never see it. Ah, the crevices of the mind! I have no mind. You have no mind. Each writer on Teen Ink has no mind. The society has no mind. The people have no mind. We've lost our minds, love!

Thank you for the detailed evaluation! You have tempted me to look at your work, and to be quite candid - we should all have fear. Thank you again! (I realize I didn't answer your question...or implications...)

on Jan. 24 2010 at 5:43 pm
writerscramp PLATINUM, Green Bay, Wisconsin
33 articles 0 photos 130 comments

Favorite Quote:
Anyone who says winning isn't everything,
Has won nothing.
``Mia Hamm

lol hey, it is good work, but i notice the conflict that seems to be ongoing in this peice. tell me if i am wrong, but leave me to smirk if i am right. lol

on Jan. 24 2010 at 5:42 pm
writerscramp PLATINUM, Green Bay, Wisconsin
33 articles 0 photos 130 comments

Favorite Quote:
Anyone who says winning isn't everything,
Has won nothing.
``Mia Hamm

I do not believe you do not see the colours of the sunset. you pair dying with flamoyantly, and radiant colors. the light careses your skin with a softness, not the harshness of an unpleasent experience. you are enticed. you realize the fumes are toxic.

you taste of a cigarette. a nice excuse. but, Demon, are you really a rebel, as you insist, or are you singing words of trush through the generic lyrics of fantisy? hmm?

your afraid of closeness, are you? hmm?

we know what your heart sings off. my heart revels to those who deserve through my work, and through time.

on Jan. 24 2010 at 4:00 pm
TeamJacobArchuleta ELITE, Chicago, Illinois
183 articles 7 photos 484 comments

Favorite Quote:
He's the one I call in the middle of the night. He's the one who makes everything alright. He loves me with no regret...I just haven't found him yet.

Wow, that was great! You're word choice and description and imagery was fantastic! I really enjoyed the story, nice job! :)

Rose said...
on Jan. 24 2010 at 3:39 pm
I see. Thanks anyway. I'd like to read whatever else you have, though.

on Jan. 24 2010 at 3:36 pm
Vanished BRONZE, Change, Colorado
1 article 0 photos 53 comments
Likeness of Dante? That varies my response to your question. ;P I like Dante's "The Inferno."

on Jan. 24 2010 at 3:33 pm
Unbelievable and beautiful! You're the original Demon, aren't you? I think you are a wonderful author who captures emotions in vivid hues. I was deeply affected! Thank you for that. Oh, and will you marry me? :3

on Jan. 24 2010 at 3:30 pm
Thanks for taking it so well! Would you read my writing once I create an account? I write poetry. I honestly loved your story, but I felt it could be better. Thanks, again.

on Jan. 24 2010 at 3:26 pm
Vanished BRONZE, Change, Colorado
1 article 0 photos 53 comments
I apologize to those of you who have ranted and razed that I stole your limelight, and thank you if you loved it nevertheless. Riotwriter, thank you for the blunt honesty!

Riot Tonight said...
on Jan. 24 2010 at 3:24 pm
No offense, I'm growing irritated and tired of "RAZED EXPECTATIONS", though its a awesome story.

Haha! Just saying :)

England, too said...
on Jan. 24 2010 at 3:20 pm
You sound British...curious, that's all. Good story, and good luck.

on Jan. 24 2010 at 3:18 pm
Vanished BRONZE, Change, Colorado
1 article 0 photos 53 comments
No...Why do you query?

Twilighter17 said...
on Jan. 24 2010 at 3:15 pm
I love your writing! Its a very interesting story so far. I also hope you post more.

London, baby said...
on Jan. 24 2010 at 3:12 pm
Are you British?

on Jan. 24 2010 at 3:09 pm
Vanished BRONZE, Change, Colorado
1 article 0 photos 53 comments
Thank you! Though the perspective is quite changable, I'm happy to have created a story that you can relate to. Your support keeps me dancing!

on Jan. 24 2010 at 3:07 pm
Vanished BRONZE, Change, Colorado
1 article 0 photos 53 comments
I've written "Runaway" and "A Thing of Beauty" if you look at the Forums. Thank you, and I'm glad you enjoyed my work.

on Jan. 24 2010 at 3:06 pm
Vanished BRONZE, Change, Colorado
1 article 0 photos 53 comments
I am sorry! ;) Thank you, and I'll see what I can do about your disappointment.

on Jan. 24 2010 at 3:05 pm
Vanished BRONZE, Change, Colorado
1 article 0 photos 53 comments
Thank you. Unbelievable with your kind words! You're Welcome.

Eve and Adam said...
on Jan. 24 2010 at 3:03 pm
Wow. It was a strange, melodic dance of emotions, and I liked it! I encourage every girl, and every boy, with aspirations of love, to read this story.