Maybe I wasn’t wrong when I thought you were the one. Well, at least not totally. Of course everyone has the liberty to think they’re right, even when they are wrong. So I thought I loved you, until today. I must admit I was playing on you a little, taking you for granted. But I thought you loved me too and Kimberly told me that boys like a little spice, a little persuasion. I regret listening to her advice. Now I do. You were such a loving, infatuated novice in the early days. It was almost as if you had fallen for me almost immediately like they do in movies. A new boy in school has eyes for a ravishing school beauty. Of course, she doesn’t see much in him except for a prospective lapdog. In the end, unknowingly, unthinkingly, she falls for him. Only it’s too late…
I hardly even saw you the first day, when you thought I did. When you helped me gather my fallen books by my locker, I thought you were that weird Ramon boy. I dismissed you from the dominant part of my brain. I didn’t even notice you slip that piece of paper in my locker. It had a number. One day I would cry over it at night. I didn’t see that coming. Somehow that day the piece of paper ended up in my English handbook and in the end I held it between my fingers carelessly trying to recollect whose it was. They say curiosity killed the cat, so I just called on that number and I heard your voice. It was the kind of voice that could make me barf but when you said, “I knew you would call.” I just heard you in awed silence. It took my breath away, not because it was enticing. It was not. But because I couldn’t help but wonder whose it was. I was curious.
“Who are you?” I muttered, my voice shaking and my thumb reflexively edging towards the ‘end’ button. “Don’t be afraid Carla, I’m Dan, Daniel Kirk.” You sounded shy and almost embarrassed. I didn’t know who you were. I hadn’t even heard the name. It sounded like a fanciful amalgamation of Daniel Radcliff and Jim Kirk from Star Trek. “I don’t know any Daniel Kirk.” I said matter-of-factly. You gave a bitter laugh. “I bet you don’t.” I had a hard time figuring that out. I must admit I am a bit of a ‘dumb blonde’. I was getting scared and more than a bit of resentful at my decision to call a strange number. For all I knew you might have been a terrorist. So I said hastily, “Oh, sorry, I got to go.” And I cut the phone.
A shadowy face haunted my dreams that night.
Next morning I got the first clear view of you. You were looking very intently at me from across the classroom. You had a very peculiar look in your eyes. I asked Kim your name. When she said, “Some Daniel Kirk, can you believe it?” I got a very strange gut feeling. It was… foreboding. I’m sorry I ignored it, might have saved me from this disaster. But I had just broken up with Ryan. I wasn’t devastated because he was starting to get on my nerves. You seemed like a good enough replacement as a lapdog. I wanted change. But of course you weren’t that handsome. Not at first look, but as I got to know you better…
Kim had a thing for you. She would never confess it to me though. I saw it in the way she looked at you. It was as if she was giving you an invitation. It infuriated me for some reason. I saw you staring at me in the cafeteria and Kim was nudging me repeatedly. So I went over to your table when no one was looking. I just passed, to be true and murmured, “Meet me outside. Now!” and that you did quite eagerly, one of the reasons I felt I could use you. I’m sorry I did so. In the parking lot outside, I saw you waiting. I quickened my pace and walked over to you. You gave me a dazzling smile. Dazzling, yes, it was mesmerizing, “You wanted to talk?” you asked me. You sounded so happy; it would be evil, even for me, to break your heart. “Why did you call me, uh, Dan?” you didn’t look offended, in the least bit, although my voice was contemptuous and barely what you call ‘polite’. “Actually you called me.” he chuckled. “You dropped that note in my locker!” I accused him, “I was just curious!”
He laughed, “I’m not blaming you Carla. I, I …like you.” He said turning rubicund with embarrassment. I turned joyous at the very thought. My quarry is caught in the trap, I thought. I batted my eyelashes at you, “Oh, that’s so cute Dan. I like you too. So bye.” Then I spun around, all smiles and made my way to the café. That night I dreamt of you again. This time I was groveling at your feet. When I woke up, I was crying.
The next few days were crucial for our to-be-relationship. I felt so torn by certain family events which I couldn’t discuss with Kim or anyone. As I was crying on my pillow, I thought of you. With shaky fingers I searched frantically for the slip of paper with your untidy scrawl. I couldn’t find it. I lunged on the bed to cry some more in despair. About precisely ten minutes later my phone vibrated. With groggy eyes, I read the new message.
I’m sorry Carla for interfering with your life.
Dan
I euphorically dialed the number.
“Hello?” you sounded so dazed and unsure that I almost laughed.
“Dan? It’s me, Carla.”
“Carla, you?”
“What? You didn’t want me to call?”
“No…I mean, yes… I mean, I was waiting for it. But, I thought you might not want to.”
My eyes watered a little.
And then I began to cry. On the phone, with you on the other line.
“Oh…Dan…”
“Carla, um, its… it’s alright. What’s the matter? Why are you crying?”
“It’s just that no one… no one… loves me…”
“It’s not so…”
“I’m so sorry Dan. I didn’t want to frustrate you…”
“No! I’m happy if I help you in any way…”
“Then come over to my place Dan.”
“What?”
“Come to my house Dan.”
“But it’s like 1 o’ clock Carla…”
“Please Dan?”
By 2 o’ clock, we were walking down the road. We were holding hands. I was crying.
Surprisingly, this time my tears weren’t because nobody loved me. They flowed because someone loved me.
If I could, I would love to go back in time and see the stupefied expression on Kim’s face when I came to school in your car the next day. It was priceless. I could see she was fuming with jealousy but the way she said, “Him, Carla?” in the most mocking tone ever, was just too much for me. “Yes him, Kimberly.”
The news of our newfound happiness spread in the school like wild fire. Somehow, it reached the ears of one of my really bad-tempered exes, Roger. Taken, Roger was this school hottie, over whom girls drooled. But I knew better. I was well acquainted with his violent alter-ego. It seems like he hadn’t gotten over me in two years. When we were sitting at our table a few days after that, he came over looking all red-eyed and smelling of trouble. At his approach, I groped your hand under the table. You squeezed it reassuringly. “Hey, man, watcha doin’?” Roger almost shoved you down the chair. You stayed calm, “You can see it, Roger. I am eating.” If there’s one thing I should have learnt from you, it would be self-control. Meanwhile, Roger and his bunch of bullies fumed idiotically. “So, Carla, what do you think of hanging with me?” he grinned his toothy grin. I stared at him. “You can see Roger that Dan and I are together.” I replied stiffly. “Yeah, I’m talking about some manly stuff, babe. I’m sure you’re bored of your doggie.” You got up and before I knew of it, you hit him on the face. Roger was taken aback, I daresay. But it was I who was surprised. “I’m sorry I had to do this. But that ‘doggie’ part was more than insulting.” you said quietly from in between your teeth. My eyes were burning. With anger and guilt. Because only I was aware that only a few days ago, I was keen on making you my ‘lapdog’. I glared at Roger, “You disgust me Roger. I’ll be with you when hell freezes.” Then I held your hand and both of us walked out. “You’ll see what I do…” I heard Roger shout. I could have stopped it. I could have stopped it…
There was a secret between the two of us. Something about our relationship that only we knew. Something about which I had faked and raved about many times. We had never kissed in the two weeks that we were together. We laughed. We cried. We talked. But we never kissed. You were more like a best friend, than a lover. It broke my heart that you never kissed me. I was too proud to make a move myself. It was a mystery that intrigued me forever. It puzzled me till today. Not anymore.
I could feel that Roger was up to something. Something bad. But I didn’t do anything to stop it. I was engaged with plans to seduce you. Then, then… that fateful day, it seems so long ago. It was today.
We were so happy. We were in ‘Euphoria’ a small wayside restaurant that served delicious Italian food. Since I love Italian, you took me there our first official date. You picked me up at 6:30 pm. We drove in your Land Rover, listening to Bob Marley on the radio. I don’t like him, but listening to you sing along, went fine with me. We sat out in the open, in one corner far away from the dance floor, where sweet looking couples were drifting along with the music. I was looking at them as you ordered. It was a quaint, sweet thing, that in merely three weeks you knew everything about my taste buds. I listened to you order Chicken Ravioli, Mushroom Pasta and two cokes. You knew I detest alcohol. You knew all about me. Looking at me staring so longingly at the dance floor, you gave a small chuckle. My eyes flitted at your face where I saw nothing but pure adoration. I’m afraid to call it love…
“Please Dan?”
“Don’t give me that look, Carla. You know I can’t resist it.”
“Please Dan, just one dance!”
“You know Carla…I can’t dance…”
“I’ll teach you!”
“You can’t, my love, it will…”
“It will what, Dan?”
“Look bad…”
I laughed at your innocence, the purity and sweetness of your nature. They were so new, so different for me. I swore then, that I would love you and never let you go, whatever price I might have to pay for it. And then it happened…
They say when everything seems perfect, almost too perfect to be your life; you should know and realize that it’s a delusion. It’s a beautiful veil hiding an ugly monster. I should have known and stopped obsessing over it as I was doing, because this was the consequence of my great hypothetical expectations…
You gave in to my pleadings like a perfect gentleman. After celebrating my victory over our delicious platter, we went to the dance floor hand-in-hand. I was so happy. It was like nothing could be more perfect. You were shy and hesitant, but my excitement was infectious. Soon both of us were drifting to the music. I have to admit you were a horrible dancer. But I’d prefer to dance with you, even if Zac Efron was asking me for a spin. Those blissful moments… It’s marvelous how you can never forget the ones you love. It’s painful too, because sometimes these sweet memories are more deadly than the strongest of venoms. I wish to consume such venom and lie in eternal sleep forever…
We were dancing and laughing. And then suddenly I felt you draw me closer and my breath accelerated. And then a shriek formed somewhere and chaos reigned. Suddenly people were running helter-shelter, but we were transfixed on the floor, unaware of the advancing danger. There was Roger. And he was staring directly at our entwined figures. His eyes were bloodshot and undecipherable. In one hand he held, a bottle of very cheap quality and strong beer and in the other, he carried a pistol. I hid behind you, cowering in fear, and felt your strong arms holding me. Roger’s eyes became most disillusioned and watery. By now my hands were shaking. He advanced towards us, with heavy unsteady steps and in a few long seconds, he was so close to me that I could almost smell the horrible alcohol-and-sweat stench emanating from him. I clutched your arm wildly. Roger glared at you in fury.
“You dog! You dare lay your bloody hands on my girl!” he roared.
“And you b****, you back stabbing, unfaithful b****!” he turned towards me and grabbed my arms, digging his raw fingernails into my skin.
“You! I won’t leave you and you either!” he pushed you roughly.
“Roger you are drunk, let’s get you home.” You said in your calm voice. But I could feel the underlying tension.
“You dog! You will… you will take me home?” Roger was laughing, his spit and drool dripping down his large jaws.
I clutched you and whispered in your ears, “Let’s get away from here, Dan, I feel scared.”
Roger tore our hands apart and gulped down the residual of that horrible liquid.
Helpless as I was, I began to scream, “Help someone, and call the police! This madman will kill us! Please!”
This was my second mistake.
“You dare call me ‘mad’ Carla! You b****!” He was screaming now. Then he fired his pistol. The deafening sound invoked a series of screams.
“Dare you move? Dare any one of you move? I will shoot you! Nobody shall interfere with my vengeance!”
“Roger stop, don’t hurt Carla! You have a problem with me, face me!” you were coming between us, and now I felt the danger. I felt it. And I was scared.
“Oh, you dog! I will hurt you, don’t worry. But she’s my culprit as much as you! I told you, dog, that I would pay you for that one slap! And now is the time! So without further ado…”
Bang!
And a silent scream stifled in my throat the same moment.
Your body turns limp and you fall…
We fall…
It is an endless abyss Daniel…
I can’t bring you out…
And if you don’t come out, how can I?
Bang! Bang!
The bullet pierces my arms and then my shoulder.
I crumble beside you and then the sirens drown every other sound.
The police… always too late…
Meanwhile, the b****** laughs and says, “If not me Carla, no one!”
I take the fallen pistol and aim it straight at his stony heart.
Bang!
He shrieks and falls down too. With my failing strength, I kick him. I watch with satisfaction as he rolls down the dance floor, splattering blood everywhere.
You can’t die, Daniel! Please!
You don’t listen to my silent prayer; instead you pull me towards you.
I am too dazed to cry. I just stare at you. You tilt my head downwards and then you kiss me.
Your blood-smeared lips touch mine and an electric current passes through me. I kiss harder and feel your lips forming unspoken words. I know it beforehand. I don’t stop. I brace you and continue kissing.
Centuries pass in this way…
And then…
“Honey…honey… stop it!” someone tries to yank me away from you.
“He’s dead, for God’s sake!”
My eyes snap open. I slowly become aware of reality. With moist eyes I look at your face.
It’s purple and crimson. Your olive eyes are bloodshot and wide open.
To my horror, they are blank.
I let go of you as swiftly as I can and then I crawl away from you.
Then I scream. It’s just one long scream. And then eternal silence…