Cast of Characters:
KING OF CLUBS
QUEEN OF CLUBS
KING OF DIAMONDS
QUEEN OF DIAMONDS
KING OF HEARTS
QUEEN OF HEARTS
KING OF SPADES

(Open curtain. The KING OF SPADES, the KING OF CLUBS, the KING OF DIAMONDS, the KING OF HEARTS, the QUEEN OF CLUBS, the QUEEN OF HEARTS, the QUEEN OF DIAMONDS all stand in a garden talking. For character descriptions see last page of play)

QUEEN OF HEARTS
This was a great idea all of us coming out here like this, just a few friends enjoying each others company. And the day is simply lovely.

QUEEN OF DIAMONDS
I agree that this is a lovely day and its great to see you all but did we have to come out to the garden. I mean look what it’s done to my dress. It’s wrinkled beyond repair and the hem is all folded over itself… OH that white rose bush tore up this entire side.

KING OF DIAMONDS



(Annoyed)
Its fine dear you always did fuss over the littlest things.

QUEEN OF DIAMONDS



(Taken aback)
The littlest things look at the state I’m in I’m… I’m a wreck a simple shambles.


QUEEN OF CLUBS



(Quietly as to be difficult to hear)
What’s it matter anyway.

QUEEN OF DIAMONDS
Pardon.



QUEEN OF CLUBS
Nothing.

KING OF DIAMONDS
No, what did you say I think my wife needs to hear this.

QUEEN OF CLUBS
I’m just saying that cloths don’t really matter. (Aside to the audience) Nothing does. Nothing in life matters anymore.

KING OF DIAMONDS
Exactly see there are more important things than your clothing. Like being a good wife.

KING OF CLUBS



(Scoffs and says something unintelligible)

KING OF DIAMONDS
(Forcefully)
What was that?

KING OF CLUBS
What...Who, me?

KING OF DIAMONDS
Yes. You. You said something now lets hear it.

KING OF CLUBS
I said I’m sure she’s a great wife.

KING OF DIAMONDS
Sure she’s great always out buying cloths bleeding my treasury dry, lying around the castle never lifting a finger to help run the place.

KING OF CLUBS
Well maybe she would respond better to you if you’d pay more attention to her.

KING OF DIAMONDS
What are you saying?

KING OF CLUBS
Come on its not like we don’t know the way you treat her.

KING OF DIAMONDS
What. Are. You. Saying.


KING OF CLUBS
I’m saying if you didn’t treat her so badly she wouldn’t be pushed into the arms of another man.

(ALL gasp)

KING OF DIAMONDS
I presume you know who this ‘other man’ is. Hardly a man if he goes behind a fellow’s back like this.

KING OF CLUBS
I didn’t… I mean I don’t… I’d never.

KING OF DIAMONDS
(Addressing Queen of Clubs)
Did you know about this?

QUEEN OF CLUBS
Yes.

KING OF CLUBS
Really? Why didn’t you stop me?

QUEEN OF CLUBS
What would be the point? You’d already done it by the time I’d found out and… (becoming quiet) clearly I’m no longer appealing.

KING OF DIAMONDS
That’s not excuse you could have told me it’s my wife after all. I have a right to know what she’s doing.

QUEEN OF CLUBS
I apologize.

KING OF DIAMONDS
No need I’m not angry with you. (Rounding on King of Clubs) You however I never wish to see again.

KING OF CLUBS
The feeling is mutual but I won’t let you continue to torment your wife.

KING OF DIAMONDS
You won’t, HA. What are you going to do about it?

KING OF CLUBS
I.. I’ll…
QUEEN OF HEARTS
He could duel you for her.

KING OF CLUBS
Yes. Thank you. My sword against your axe whoever wins gets the girl whoever dies… gets The Joker.

(All gasp and step back)

KING OF DIAMONDS
The Joker.

KING OF CLUBS
Yes, The Joker. What are you afraid?

KING OF DIAMONDS
Of course not I just wanted to make sure you knew the name of your soon to be killer.

QUEEN OF DIAMONDS
Oh come on now I think this has gone far enough, there is no need to bring in The Joker.

KING OF DIAMONDS
Stay out of this woman.

QUEEM OF DIAMONDS
(To KING OF CLUBS)
I thought you were a lover not a fighter.

KING OF CLUBS
That may be, but I will not allow him to continue his mistreatment of you and if this is the only way so be it.

(KING OF DIAMONDS and KING OF CLUBS turn away to discuss the terms of the duel.)

QUEEN OF DIAMONDS
(To QUEEN OF CLUBS)
You’re a woman you understand. Please help me tell them there’s no need for anyone to die.

QUEEN OF CLUBS
What does it matter we all die eventually anyway.

QUEEN OF DIAMONDS
That’s not the point the point is they don’t need to die yet. Life is wonderful and they should live it.
QUEEN OF CLUBS
Death isn’t so bad… in fact can be a release.

QUEEN OF DIAMONDS
What?

QUEEN OF CLUBS
Sometimes when there is nothing to live for death can be welcoming almost like seeing an old friend.

QUEEN OF DIAMONDS
What’s wrong with you it’s like-


KING OF DIAMONDS
(Interrupts)
The terms have been decided it will be now with the weapons we have on our persons, no outside interference and the winner will determine the fate of the other. (To KING OF SPADES) Will you proctor?

KING OF SPADES
If that is what you wish.

KING OF CLUBS, KING OF DIAMONDS
(In unison)
It is.

KING OF SPADES
Very well though I think you two very foolish bringing The Joker in like this, there’s no telling what he might do. He could kill you both.

KING OF CLUBS
It’s a risk we a willing to take.

KING OF SPADES
Yes but are the rest of us.

(The duel follows. Eventually the KING OF DIAMONDS forces the KING OF CLUBS to his knees.)

KING OF CLUBS
NOOOO.

KING OF DIAMONDS
(Breathlessly)
I have won, call in The Joker.
KING OF SPADES
Very well.

(King of Clubs exits stage)

KING OF CLUBS
Please. I won’t touch your wife again I’ll not lay a finger on her. Please I implore you let me live.

KING OF DIAMONDS
It’s too late and you agreed.


KING OF CLUBS
But I didn’t…

KING OF DIAMONDS
You didn’t what? Didn’t think you’d lose.

KING OF CLUBS
I-

(The KING OF CLUBS is cut short by the appearance of THE JOKER (See description on last page) and is being led by the KING OF SPADES.)

KING OF SPADES
Here.

KING OF CLUBS
(Frantically)
Please tell him we no longer need him. I’ll do anything.

KING OF DIAMONDS
It’s too late. The Joker’s here he must have blood now.

(THE JOKER begins to move toward the KING OF CLUBS.)

QUEEN OF CLUBS
STOP…I… I’ll take his place.

KING OF DIAMONDS
WHAT. No absolutely not.

QUEEN OF HEARTS
No dear what could possibly posses you to do such a thing.
QUEEN OF CLUBS
I… I’m not sure I just know that I have to.

QUEEN OF HEARTS
But he betrayed you why would you die for him after all he’s done.




(Silence)

I’ve seen you these last few days. How drained you look all because of him. So how in good conscience can you willingly die for him?


QUEEN OF CLUBS
Because… in spite of all he’s done… in spite of all he’s made me feel I… I still love him.




(The QUEEN OF CLUBS walks over to THE JOKER)

KING OF DIAMONDS
This is an outrage. I will not stand for it he must die it is what was agreed upon. There are laws we must abide by.

QUEEN OF CLUBS
I am aware of the laws and I am not breaking any of them. You said The Joker must have blood, well then he may have mine. (Turns to THE JOKER) I am ready.

(THE JOKER advances to the QUEEN OF CLUBS, pulls out a hidden knife from his sleeve and plunges it into her heart. THE JOKER backs away as the QUEEN OF CLUBS falls to floor.)

KING OF DIAMONDS
No, I will have my revenge.

(KING OF DIAMONDS plunges his axe into the KING OF CLUBS. THE JOKER advances on the KING OF DAIMONDS and plunges his knife into the heart of the KING OF DIAMONDS. Looking around once more THE JOKER exits the stage from the same side her entered. The KING OF SPADES exits the stage opposite him. The KING OF HEARTS takes the QUEEN OF HEARTS hand and follows the KING OF SPADES. The QUEEN OF HEARTS gives the QUEEN OF DIAMONDS one last disdainful look on her way out. The QUEEN OF DIAMONDS is left alone. Curtain close.)
Character Appearances

KING OF CLUBS
Dressed in cloths typical of the 14th century (cloths should be darker), he should be carrying a sword in a sheath at his left side so as to be drawn with his right hand. The jewel (an onyx) in the center of his crown is in the shape of a club.
QUEEN OF CLUBS
Dressed in cloths typical of the 14th century (cloths should be darker), she should be carrying a dark purple flower (so as to look black) one that she should absentmindedly twirl in her fingers periodically. The jewel (an onyx) in the center of her crown is in the shape of a club.

KING OF DIAMONDS
Dressed in cloths typical of the 14th century (cloths should be lighter), carries an axe strapped to his back handle facing up so as to be drawn with his right hand. The jewel (a clear diamond) in the center of his crown is in the shape of a diamond.

QUEEN OF DIAMONDS
Dressed in cloths typical of the 14th century (cloths should be lighter), her cloths are slightly more extravagant than that of the others and she wears more jewelry than the others. The jewel (a clear diamond) in the center of her crown is in the shape of a diamond.

KING OF HEARTS
Dressed in cloths typical of the 14th century (cloths should be lighter), carries a sword in a sheath at his left side so as to be drawn wit his right hand. The jewel (a ruby) in the center of his crown is in the shape of a heart.

QUEEN OF HEARTS
Dressed in cloths typical of the 14th century (cloths should be lighter). The jewel (a ruby) in the center of her crown is in the shape of a heart.

KING OF SPADES

Dressed in cloths typical of the 14th century (cloths should be darker), he should be carrying a sword in a sheath at his left side so as to be drawn with his right hand. The jewel (a black fire opal) in the center of his crown is in the shape of a spade.