Some time passes and I'm in my room listening to music and on my laptop. It's around six in the afternoon, when my mom usually calls for me and my little brother to come down to eat. I can't tell my mom that her food sucks but that's besides the point. I make my way down the stairs and sit down at the dining table, which doesn't even look like one. I remember how the kitchen smelled when my dad was here and how delicious the food was. I still don't understand why he left, or the reason behind it. I feel this anger but fear also everytime I remember him. I hate this feeling.

The alarm goes off. Its monday and I hate getting up early. The sun is coming through the window, behind the curtains. He creeps into my mind and I smile, I have never done that before.

“Get down here now,” yells mom, “i have breakfast on the table.”

“Coming,” I said.

I try to eat what my mom has made and head out. I take the car my dad left behind, and drive to school. It has his smell and the air freshener he had in his car is still here. I try to ignore the recurring images in my head of him leaving. I try to think of the new boy and if he was going to be at my school. I imagined him by my side, my arm wrapped around his. I park and get my bag and walk inside the front doors. The smell of pencils and paper fill the air, everyone is talking. There is so much going on that I can't concentrate. I find my way through the crowds of people to my locker, where I take what I need and leave what I don't. The bell rings, and everyone is trying to make it to their first period. I head down the hall to were my first class is, which is chemistry. He is there, sitting alone.

“Good morning class,” said Mrs. Jane.

“Good morning Mrs. Jane,” everyone replies.

“Take out your notebooks and turn to page 72,” she says.

I could not stop staring at him. He sat all the way in the back and seemed very shy. Mrs. Jane introduced him and then we started our work. Theo moved here from California, and has never been here. I wondered why he moved in the first place, maybe it was because of money, or a family issue, or he didn't like the California weather.

I happened to sit next to him when Mrs. Jane instructed to get with a partner. He seemed very shy and quite, and I did not know how to act. He looks in the microscope and gently pushes it toward me. I grab the microscope and look through it, squinting one eye.

“What brings you here?,” I ask looking at him, trying to keep composure.

“Family wanted to move,” he says. Looking straight into my eyes.

I couldn't help but notice his eyes, that look like the sea, but also like the galaxy. I couldn't stop staring at them. They were blue but dark and glistening, and his hair was golden brown. Theos voice is strong and deep and is not at all quite. His hair falls to one side where brown curls lay on the side of his face. His jaw is sharp and strong and I didnt know what to do or say, just stare. He just takes the microscope back and looks inside and that was it. We didn't talk for the rest of the period and when the bell rang I got up really fast and left. I knew I shouldn't have talked to him, he didn't look like he wanted to talk. That might have been my only chance to talk to him, now i'll never know who Theo is. Or maybe I am afraid. Afraid of what he will think of me, or how he will act. It maybe from my dad and what he did to my mother. I'm scared to talk to any boy because Im afraid of getting hurt.

My friend Jane approaches me.

“Hey girl,” Jane says.

“Hey,” I reply.

“How are you,” she says.

“Good,” I say.

“You heard about the party happening,” she says.

“No,” I say.

“Well guess what,” she says. “We are going to that party tomorrow.”

I drive home with the radio on, but the windows rolled up. It was raining and the air was cold. I didn't think much about the party, until I figured why not go and try to have fun for once. It's not like I go to parties every time there's one. I lay in bed staring at the ceiling and wondered if he would be there. Everyone was going to this party. My only friends Jane and Sydney are going. Then I remember, what should I wear? I roll off my bed and try to find something that looks pretty, in the messiest closet ever. Finally, after awhile I found a flowy black dress that I once borrowed from Sydney. I wondered if I should put makeup for tomorrow, but decided not to. I kept thinking of him and if he would be there. I looked out of my bedroom window to see if he was outside somewhere. I wonder if he noticed me at all, or if I didn't even exist after talking to him. Maybe he knows I live across from him.

“Beep, Beep, Beep,” the alarm goes off.

I had a dream about him, it was weird but I don't know why I dreamt of him. I roll out of bed and go to the window, where I looked out hoping to see him. I get dressed and try to eat and head to school. The last bell of the day rings, and everyone is making their way out. I remember that there is a party and head home. A couple of hours pass and it's now six in the evening. I have to shower and get ready for this party. I get in and stay in the shower for thirty minutes, letting the hot water go done my body. I wonder if i'll see him, or if he will recognize me. Maybe he's not going and is at home, or doesn’t know anyone who he should go with. I get out, dry myself and get dressed. I put on the flowy black dress and spray perfume, I want to smell good. I don't like wearing fancy shoes or heels, I just put on my white boots. It's around eight now and I get in my car to drive to Sydney's house. I pick her up, and Jane and head to the party.

“Omg this is going to be awesome,” said Jane.

“Hopefully,” I said.

“Don't worry we’ll have fun,” said Sydney.

I pull up to the house, and the music is so loud that we could hear it with the windows rolled up. We get down and walk to the front door. There are people outside with red solo cups, drinking, who knows what. We get inside and there is literally no room to move. It is so packed that you can't even walk a couple of feet.

“Why did we come,” I yell.

“Because we are going to have fun,” Jane shouts.

Everyone was dancing on each other, and everyone was drinking alcohol. But then I saw him. Standing in the corner of the living room, where everyone was in. He didn't have anything in his hand. I wanted to go to him, and talk. I didn't know what to do. I was getting nervous and that feeling in the stomach came back. I knew I had to do this, its my only chance.

“Hey,” I yell.

“Hello,” he says.

“You having fun?” I ask.

“No, not really,” he says.

“Why not?” I say.

“I don't know,” he says.

We talked for a while. He never smiled or laughed. He kept a serious face and didn't say a lot. I wondered if I was bothering him. Maybe he was not interested, he never looked at me. He didn't dance or drink and seemed down. He’s perfect though, even when he looked like this. There is something about him that makes me want to know more. After we talked I knew he would never like me so I left. I went home early and stayed in my room, listening to music and trying to forget about him. I was so afraid and felt like letting go and just crying. My face felt hot and my eyes got watery. Why did I talk to him, why did I do this to myself? I am so stupid and dumb. I'm not worth it, i'll never be worth it. This should have never happened. I fell asleep crying over a boy, I thought liked me.

A week has passed and I still feel like crying. I see him in the halls and turn away as we lock eyes. I partner up with a girl in chemistry instead of him. I don't want to look at him or know he is here. I want him to disappear like we never met and I never knew him. I believed I could find someone who cared about me or actually liked me. But instead I fell for a boy that didn't know I even existed. I have this feeling of anger in my chest, like I am going to burst. Only if he knew what he did to me. But I can't blame him for not wanting me, or not caring for me because its not his fault that I fell for him. I get it. Maybe I don't, but I never wanted to think of him anymore. After school I went to the woods to clear out my head. I only wanted to listen to music that made me feel better, and sketch in my book. The sky was grey and the clouds hanged low. It was cold and wet, but I still stayed. Anyways, I stayed in the woods for a while, listening to music and sketching my feelings. I drew him, or what I thought was him. I knew he would not be perfect but I have never felt this way before. I wish he liked me but he doesn't.

I hear something over my music. It's a rustling sound, maybe an animal. I look around me and stop. I couldn't move, as if I was frozen and left there. I couldn't believe what I was seeing, I didn't know if I was imagining things. It’s him, Theo, standing there. I almost fall of the trunk of the tree I was sitting on. I get up, not knowing what to say or do. He seems worried or like he is holding something back he wants to say. I take out my earbuds and close my sketchbook quickly, so he won't see what's in it.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hi,” I reply.

“I came by to your house, wanted to talk to you, but your mom said you are here,” he said.

“Ya, I come here a lot” I say, very quietly.

“It a nice spot to come to,” he says.

“Ya,” I say.

“So, I wanted to tell you something,” he says.

“What is it,” I say, trying not to jump to conclusions.

“I know I haven't been open or very welcoming,” he says. “But I know what my feelings are toward you.”

“Ok,” I say.

“It just that, it's hard for me to open myself up and tell you how I feel,” he says.

“Well, I know you don't feel anything for me,” I say.

“You have no idea what I feel for you,” he says.

“I have feelings for you,” I say.

“I do to,” he says.

My heart was beating a thousand times per minute, my hands were sweaty and I couldn't feel my legs. I just told Theo that I have feelings for him, and he told me he has feelings for me. I think I have lost my mind, or maybe I was falling in love. He came closer to me, and I could see him so clearly. I could smell him and I was almost touching him. I looked up at him and he smiled, for the first time I saw him smile. It was so genuine and I could tell he was happy. I didn't know what was going to happen, so I just let it happen. Theo grabbed my face, his big palm, cold, wrapped around the left side of my face. I came closer, and he pulled me in, giving me a kiss. I could feel his warmth and I couldn't let go. I could feel everything and I felt so alive. I wasn't afraid and I knew I was safe. He pulled away from me, staring me in the eyes, telling me why he couldn't be with me. He told me that he was not worth it and that I wouldn't like him. I told him he was wrong, and that I couldn't stay away and I couldn't stop thinking of him. I didn't know what to do I couldn't move, or think properly.

“I have to go,” I said.

“Okay, I'll see you tomorrow,” he said smiling.

“Alright then,” I said so nervously.

After I got back to the house I layed in my bed thinking of him. I could still feel him, I could still smell him, and I couldn't stop smiling. Theo is mine, and I am his. I was so afraid that if I loved someone, they would hurt me. I know now that this is not something I fear anymore, and I will not be afraid. Theo helped me realize this and I will always be grateful for him. I want him here, but I needed to know what just happened. This is something new to me and I don't know what to do. I want to see him and I want to know more about him. I want to know how he thinks and what he likes. I want to care for him and love him, and i'm sure he will do the same. I can trust him with all my secrets and I know he will tell me his. I fell asleep thinking of him.