Snake Bite. | Teen Ink

Snake Bite.

July 6, 2010
By Nikiblue PLATINUM, Bloomfield Hills, Michigan
Nikiblue PLATINUM, Bloomfield Hills, Michigan
20 articles 0 photos 137 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Stupid Is As Stupid Does." -Forest Gump (;
"No one who achieves success does so without the help of others. The wise and confident acknowledge this help with gratitude."

Your smile’s fake,
Your wide lips are poison.
Shivers run,
When they touch my skin.
Cool lips of toxic love,
Caressing my innocence.
A viper you are,
You kill with your bite.
I am that victim,
The small mouse in the fight.
Your sick words,
They’re all lies.
How could I trust you,
When all you do is betray?
Fangs of words rip my flesh,
I scream in agony,
But you do not listen;
Wrapped up in those scales,
inflamed with venom.
The deadly vowels hiss off your tongue,
Condemnable and cruel.
I cry and scream,
But you coo lavish love,
Silencing my wails to fear.
I whisper in an inaudible tear,
“Baby, don’t hurt me, no more.”

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This article has 7 comments.

alex198 said...
on Aug. 14 2011 at 11:12 am
alex198, |, Other
0 articles 0 photos 113 comments

This was a really great metaphor and there was excellent word choice throughout the poem as well as a good use of poetic techniques like the alliteration used in the phrase "lavish love". Overall this poem was extremely well written with a lot of vivid description and excellent wording. I really enjoyed it. Well done!


on Apr. 23 2011 at 9:15 am
musicprincess PLATINUM, Braselton, Georgia
23 articles 0 photos 84 comments

Favorite Quote:
They say that love is forever, your forever is all that I need

This is excellent :) I really got some imagery in there and your description is great. I can definitely relate to this.

on Apr. 4 2011 at 8:02 pm
Zaylie PLATINUM, Everett, Washington
24 articles 13 photos 29 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It's not the kind, the kind you take about it's just the kind that rips the clothing off your mind." -Flyleaf
"You feet in the air, Your head on the ground Try this trick and spin it yeah Your head will colapse when there's nothing it in."-Pixies

five. I love the flow.  and the ending. "Baby, don't hurt me, no more."


magnesart said...
on Mar. 13 2011 at 2:41 pm
magnesart, DPO, Other
0 articles 3 photos 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
"They leave things behind sometimes, the guests. A crumpled handkerchief. A pearl button that fell off a dress and rolled under a bed. And sometimes they leave other sorts of things. Things you can't see. A sigh trapped in a corner. Memories tangled in the curtains. A sob fluttering against the windowpane like a bird that flew in and can't get out. I can feel these things. They dart and crouch and whisper."
-- A Northern Light

Absolutely fantastic imagery + diction.

"Cool lips of toxic love", "fangs of words rip my flesh", "coo lavish love" -- it's been a long time since I've read a poem w/ that scale of vividity. The snake references remind me a bit of the beginning in Nabokov's Lolita: where the narrator and his childhood sweetheart have a clandestine meeting in the garden, and she takes a "sibilant intake of breath."

Great work! 5/5

on Nov. 15 2010 at 10:38 am
thestorycritic GOLD, Hyderabad, Other
12 articles 0 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
Live life King Size

Wow! :) This is really really good!

Amiee said...
on Aug. 19 2010 at 10:26 pm

wowowow  O_o real good~~~

you describe it soo realistically and your choice of words are just perfect!

on Aug. 3 2010 at 10:18 am
Pitiful_Anonymous PLATINUM, New Cumberland, West Virginia
22 articles 0 photos 75 comments

Favorite Quote:
"and all you f***ers go beep beep beep in cheap,plastic cars. If It's to dumb to see or say you'll still sing it, and I'll just cue the applause" - Marilyn Manson



So emotional and truthful! I don't give out five stars often, but you definitely deserve it! Great writing! :)