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Cotton Candy MAG
October 25, 2008
puffs of sweet fiberglass
dissolve into pink crystals
on the pinnacle of my tongue.
they fall like tickled icicles
puncturing the walls
of my abdomen.
still I consume
the addicting substance,
permitting my body
to slowly commit suicide.
© Hannah B., Princeton, IL
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 164 comments.
ariwrites94 GOLD said...
on Nov. 8 2009 at 8:52 pm
Wonderful job!!!! you are a talented writer and keep up the good work! if u have time please check out my poem called "Sensitive Am I" and rate and leave a comment. Thanks and keep writing!
Schubster said...
on Sep. 24 2009 at 7:17 pm
woah, the first line is so different from the last...the ending was so unexpected! still, it was really interesting and a nice touch to the piece. Bravo! :)
check out my work?
check out my work?
PoeticRamblings GOLD said...
on Sep. 24 2009 at 5:51 pm
This was wonderfully written! Advertising yourself on someone elses poem is tacky and rude, but insulting it is shows an unbelievable lack of respect.
powera said...
on Sep. 24 2009 at 2:35 pm
This poem was short but was right to the point. I liked how you put this into a teens perspective. You sybolized the drug, which can be addicting, to cotton candy, which can also be addicting to children. "to slowly commit suicide" shows what can happen to you if you chose to go down the path of drugs. It could, and will end your life.
I don't really understand the "puncturing your abdomen". The abdomen is a muscle which doesn't really have a whole lot to do with cotton candy...
I do, however, like the "puffs of sweet fiberglass". Powerful imagery and I often think cotton candy looks strangely similar to fiberglass.
I do think you mean tip of your tongue, pinnacle is an awkward choice there.
A little confusing as far as word choice goes, but there is some nice imagery in there. Keep working on it - don't be discouraged!
I do, however, like the "puffs of sweet fiberglass". Powerful imagery and I often think cotton candy looks strangely similar to fiberglass.
I do think you mean tip of your tongue, pinnacle is an awkward choice there.
A little confusing as far as word choice goes, but there is some nice imagery in there. Keep working on it - don't be discouraged!
Kendra Miller said...
on Mar. 13 2009 at 5:57 pm
your detail is good it makes it so i can imagine the taste the cotton candy while reading this.
Miss.Bliss1 BRONZE said...
on Feb. 24 2009 at 9:17 pm
Hey, love yur poem.
I get what it's about...
Amyyy gurl...This poem is not about cotton candy.
She's talk'in about a drug thats LIKE cotton candy.
Got it now?..lol..jk
I get what it's about...
Amyyy gurl...This poem is not about cotton candy.
She's talk'in about a drug thats LIKE cotton candy.
Got it now?..lol..jk
xxpetitepoetxoxo BRONZE said...
on Feb. 21 2009 at 4:09 pm
Short and sweet! Though it was rather short it made an impact and left me thinking. Very strong imagery, and nice comparisons!
Amyyy said...
on Feb. 21 2009 at 2:08 pm
I do like this poem, but I don't get the ending. I know, i'm awful at figuring out metaphors. My brain was not equipped with that brilliancy.:P Very good, descriptive words though!!!
Your poem was interesting, but the language was kinda strange. I think instead of "pinnacle", you meant "tip". The whole thing was strangely worded, and it lacked poetic elements such as rhyme and rhythm.
Something to work on is chosing a unique subject matter. Something unexpected.
Something to work on is chosing a unique subject matter. Something unexpected.
jessica marie said...
on Feb. 8 2009 at 4:43 pm
I love this, i love the title, it is why i opened it...lol i am a random person so cotton candy sounded absolutly delightful. good work. i dont care what people say. this is good. anyone who says diffrent must not be to bright. good work.
ShamrockWriter said...
on Feb. 3 2009 at 9:08 pm
Nice poem. Short and sweet. I really like your use of metaphors and how you describe the cotton candy. Great job. Keep Writing!
quills77 said...
on Feb. 3 2009 at 2:59 pm
Hey this poem is slightly awkward! I don't get the ending at all!
mahanaham said...
on Jan. 15 2009 at 2:31 am
i love it ! im a sucker for the poems with creative metaphors and with the whole sour and sweet theme. its beautiful.
HarleyQuinn said...
on Jan. 14 2009 at 9:34 am
Everybody has their own opinion on this, and personally I love it. It's sweet (much like cotton candy) but also has a sour edge to it. How you're talking about suicide etc. How could something so sweet be so bitter? Keep up the good work :)
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